I wrote another one. Lord save us.

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“Mike, why are you gawking into the mirror like that?”

“Hmm…”

“Hmm what?”

“Do you think I have a fat ass?”

“Pft, no.”

“No, Chaz, don’t just do that. Do you actually think I have a fat ass?”

“No, Mike, I don’t.”

“An ugly ass then?”

“No, not ugly at all.”

“A nasty ass?”

“No. A nice ass, Mike. Nice ass.”

“Nice ass?”

“Yes, nice ass. Nice as in… not fat or ugly.”

“Or nasty.”

“Or nasty. It’s completely un-nasty.”

“…I don’t have a nice ass. I have a fat ass. See? Look!”

“Why do you think you have a fat ass?”

“Well I just broke a fucking table, for one”

“Mike, it was glass. Of course you broke it, you idiot. Anyone would’ve.”

“That’s beside the point. I still broke a table and I still have a fat ass.”

“It’s not fat.”

“Well if it’s not fat, what is it?”

“Well…”

“Well? It’s fat, isn’t it? You know, you can just tell me! I’m not gonna get all bitchy and throw a hissy fit. I just wanna know, do I have a fat ass?”

“No Mike, you don’t have a fat ass!”

“Then what is it?”

“I don’t know, let me check.”

“Let you wha- WOAH!”

“What?”

“You’re a pretty hands-on kinda guy, aren’t ya?”

“Well how else am I supposed to find out?”

“You could’ve just looked or something.”

“Only a sissy would do that. Besides, this is fun.”

“Your hands on my ass. I’m not too sure this is fun…”

“C’mon, lighten up. You’re too tense.”

“I can’t help it! Your bloody hands are on my ass!”

“Hmm, nice and kind of round-ish… firm… not too large, not too small…”

“Uhh… what?”

“I’m telling you what your ass is. Nice shape, firm, good size… What?”

“You’re rubbing. And squeezing!”

“Well duh! Of course I’m squeezing. Wouldn’t you?”

“No, no I wouldn’t. I don’t go around just squeezing people’s asses.”

“Well you asked me to!”

“I didn’t ask you to squeeze my ass!”

“Fine, I’ll stop.”

“Oh thank the Lord! …So, uh… so my ass, fat or what?”

“Well I didn’t get enough time to see, now did I?”

“You’re just looking for an excuse to grope me, you pervert.”

“Hey, no name-calling. You can’t say you wouldn’t return the favour.”

“Are you saying that if you asked me if you had a fat ass I’d jump right in and squeeze your buns?”

“Hell yeah, of course you would.”

“I would not!”

“Would too. Go ahead, squeeze me.”

“Wha- no! I’m not going to squeeze your ass.”

“Yes you are, c’mon, squeeze ‘till your heart’s content.”

“My heart’s content as it is, thanks.”

“No it’s not, now come on, squeeze my ass.”

“No.”

“Just touch it!”

“No!”

“Put your hands on my ass!”

“I’m not going to!”

“Frickin’ hell, touch it!”

“Nuh uh.”

“Squeeze my ass, Mike!”

“For the final time, I’m not going to squeeze your ass.”

“Fine, your loss, fatass.”

“See if I ca- HEY! You told me it wasn’t fat!”

“Well if you’d let me investigate some more I wouldn’t be calling you that, would I?”

“Pervert, I’m gonna get you for this! Come back here!”

“Nuh uh, can’t catch me, fatass!”

“Get your scrawny butt back here!”

“At least it’s not fat like yours!”

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