So this is a repost from a long time ago! Hope you enjoy

For the connection.

He gently moved the glass in a circular motion watching as the thick liquid span around.

A breeze crossed over him and he glanced up at his surroundings. He was cold, even shivering- the alcohol doing little to warm his thin form. The early morning breeze ran over and through him again and he took a long gulp of whiskey and felt the heat cascade down his windpipe and disappear, it seemed a very temporary solution to many of his problems.

The sun was beginning to rise; Chester could see cracks of weak light filter through the thick clouds. Less than half an hour earlier he had used the thick black clouds as a metaphor for his life, now he realised as he watched the sun break though- this was no longer true.

‘You shouldn’t be drinking.’ Came a voice from behind him.

‘I don’t think it’ll make a difference now.’ Chester replied, his eyes not removing from the horizon.

‘I was referring to the mini bar prices,’ The voice moved closer, ‘and don’t say things like that.’ Chester did nothing but hmm vaguely with irritation; everyone’s attempts to stay positive seemed to push him down further, as if he had to sustain life for them rather than himself.

‘You’re cold.’ The young man said from behind him. Chester didn’t feel there was any need to reply since the man left the balcony and returned a few minutes later. ‘Here.’ He said and sat beside Chester on a white plastic chair. He held out a black hoodie and Chester reluctantly took it, the cold so bitter it outweighed his stubborn nature. He placed his glass on the table and pulled the hoodie over his head. He looked at the man sat next to him and smiled weakly with appreciation.

‘You’ve been out here a long time; I heard you get up.’

‘I couldn’t sleep.’ Chester said softly, it wasn’t that he couldn’t sleep, more afraid.

‘Are you feeling ok though?’

‘Yes,’ Chester replied and saw the young man raise his eyebrows, ‘really I am. Just been thinking.’

‘You shouldn’t be out here- its freezing.’

‘Yeah, in case I catch a terminal illness or freeze to death?’ sarcasm dripped through his words.

‘Chester- that really isn’t- I- why do you say things like that?’ The younger man frowned sadly at his band mate. He turned his head away and chewed silently on his thumbnail.

‘I don’t really know why I said it. Maybe because I can. Maybe because you guys wrap me up in so much cotton wool, I have to be sarcastic to cope.’

‘We’re just trying to help you, make sure your ok.’ He replied, his voice soft. He didn’t want to turn and look at the withering vocalist; he wanted to preserve the memory of before.

‘But I’m not going to be.’ Chester whispered, his voice drawing his band mate’s head around, their eyes catching and locking.

‘You don’t know that.’ He replied, his voice just as quiet, ‘Just don’t give up yet. There’s still hope.’

‘Dad running round the country finding second, third and forth opinions doesn’t count as hope. That’s desperation.’ Chester said pointedly, his eyes still staring directly into his friends.

‘If we keep trying we might just find something that works.’

‘I don’t want to spend my time running around trying to find a cure. I want to spend it in peace- not waste it.’

‘Oh, so that is why you insist on touring, we all know that your just pretending everything’s ok. If you keep touring and playing for the fans then you can forget what’s really happening.’ He snapped back at Chester.

‘I’m not going to disagree with you. Yeah- for the hour and a half, we’re out on that stage I forget and I can be what I was. Now tell me what is wrong with that?’ Chester snapped back, his brow furrowing and his eyes refusing to back down and leave the younger mans pained eyes.

‘Nothings wrong with it. What’s wrong with us caring about you and wanting to help you?’

‘Nothing, I guess,’ Chester answered after a pause, ‘sorry, I’m being argumentative.’

‘You’re allowed to be. It’s 3 in the morning.’

‘So, only four more dates of the tour left.’ Chester said, his tone trying to change and uplift the atmosphere between them.

‘Yeah.’ The drummer replied in a wistful voice and Chester saw his eyes glaze slightly.

‘Rob, don’t.’

‘What?’

‘I knew what you were thinking. You were thinking that this’ll be the last tour with me.’

‘So- you were thinking it too?’

‘One minute you’re telling me everything will be ok and next you’re thinking that!’ Chester exclaimed with frustration.

‘Do you want some logic? I don’t know anything anymore Chaz, everything is muddled. My brain just never shuts up or stops thinking about you-’

‘I’m touched.’ Chester cut in with a weak smile.

‘Seriously Chaz.’ Rob’s voice broke and a tear escaped.

‘Hey- no don’t do that.’ Chester reached out and wiped away the tear; he shifted close to the younger drummer and grabbed his wrist. ‘No tears. No tears ‘till I’m gone.’ He whispered.

‘Too late Chaz. We’ve been crying since you first got admitted to hospital, we’ve been crying for the last three years as we’ve watched you try to hide it and carry on.’

‘Sometimes I forget that other people are hurting too.’

‘Like Talinda?’ Rob inquired, his tears slowly drying in the cold breeze.

‘I guess and you guys.’ Chester murmured.

‘She’s hurting more than anyone and you pushed her away.’

‘This isn’t about Talinda right now.’ Chester argued.

‘No, it’s about you pushing the people you love away, the only time we see you with emotion is on stage, why won’t you let us in?’ Rob questioned and Chester turned away from the intense look on his face. ‘Chester?’ He asked when no reply came.

‘Because I’m paralysed by fear.’ Chester whispered, shock at his sudden confession, ‘I’m scared to close my eyes at night un case they never open; I’m scared to tell Talinda I love her because maybe that will be the last time; and the kids….. I can’t even look at them; I just don’t know what to too. I know if I take my walls down and start to cry, I might not stop.’ Chester admitted in a slow voice as he struggled to keep calm and his emotions under control.

‘We’d hold you for as long as you cried.’ Rob whispered, knowing Chester was cracking and knowing that it would be a good thing. He reached out and with ease pulled Chester and his chair closer to him, ‘Besides wouldn’t you rather tell Talinda you love her for the last time than never tell her at all?’

‘Look, now is not the time to start making sense.’ Chester tried to grin, his eyes shining with tears. Rob chuckled and pulled the vocalist into a hug, his arms easily enveloping the waif like form.

‘I’ve always made sense.’ Rob whispered and felt Chester let out a small laugh. ‘We all just want to be here for you.’

‘I wish everyone could treat me like normal not like the dying man.’ Chester said his voice muffled as he buried his head into Rob’s warm body.

‘Who does?’

‘Talinda. She treats me like glass about to break and all I want is to feel human, feel all those amazing feelings, to fuck and make love and live like we used too.’ Chester replied and gripped hold of Rob’s tee-shirt with both hands. ‘I want to feel that connection and closeness with someone I love.’ He expressed as he pulled his face up so it was inches from Rob’s. Their eyes locked again, the words Chester had said creating heat between them. Chester leaned forward and in and instant captured Rob’s lips with his. His fingers splayed open and he gripped at the muscle on Rob’s hips.

‘I want you.’ Chester broke the kiss and panted.

‘What?’

‘I want to feel you in, I want to be close to you.’

‘But I’ve never-’

‘It’s ok, it’s easy.’

‘Not here.’ Rob began before Chester’s lips pressed heavily against his again, a warm tongue dividing them and entering his mouth.

Chester moved, his lips still chained to Rob’s- he placed himself on his lap, his legs either side, his hands moving to the hem of Rob’s tee-shirt.

Rob felt Chester’s frozen fingers touch his flesh and trace their way up his torso, leaving think electrical trails behind them. His mind raced as fast as his heart. He was afraid, this was something he had never even thought about doing, Chester was married and he had a girlfriend, yet the urgency in Chester mirrored his to help his friend in anyway. This was what Chester wanted and Rob would be able to connect with Chester in the closest way possible before he left them forever, this was his only opportunity.

Rob felt Chester’s now warm hands slip from under his shirt and snake up so they laced round his neck. Rob moved his hands under Chester’s backside and stood up, Chester lifted his legs so they wrapped round Rob and pulled from the kiss long enough to grin at Rob before he devoured his now swollen lips.

Chester was lighter than his girlfriend was as Rob blindly carried him off the balcony back into the hotel room and laid Chester on the bed before he climbed on top of him, straddling his small hips.

‘You think your gonna dominate huh?’ Chester breathed between soft flutter kisses that showered over Rob’s face and down his neck. He rolled Rob over and pulled away so he could look down on his mate for the night.

‘Who’s fucking who here?’ Rob raised his eyebrows.

‘Mmmmmmm.’ Chester murmured as he looked down between his legs to see Rob’s pyjama pants tented. ‘Havin’ fun?’ Chester grinned before he shuffled down Rob’s legs and pulled his pants with him. Chester licked his lips at the sight of Rob’s already very hard cock now fully exposed to him. He was aware that Rob was unsure and Chester only knew one way to relax him. He bent down and kissed the tip, pleased with the shudder that rippled across the man that lay below him. He glanced up to see Rob had propped himself up on his elbows to watch his best friends ministrations and he grinned slightly before he ducked down and took Rob straight into the back of his throat. He relaxed he reflex gag so he felt comfortable and continued to run his tongue up and down Rob’s shaft. He took the long cock full in his mouth, switched between soft sucking motions and humming to gently cause vibrations to shock every nerve to attention. He felt Rob’s long fingers run along his baldhead, cupping at the back of the neck then jerking up when he grazed his teeth along the shaft.

‘Fuck….’ He heard Rob breath out, his pants giving him encouragement. Chester pulled up and took a deep breath before he licked at Rob’s testicle, grinning when Rob’s legs involuntary twitched. He kissed the testicle and let his teeth bit softly at the skin causing a low guttural moan to emit from the drummers lips. Shivers ran up Chester’s spine, it was a sound he’d never imagined Rob to make; he sat up to watch the effect he had had on the usually shy man. Rob’s head was thrown back as he still propped himself up on his elbows, his fingers clutching the sheets tightly, his tee shirt scrunched up around his armpits, only revealing one rosebud nipple. He lifted his head to see Chester looking and grinned almost sheepishly. Chester scrambled up Rob’s body and moved him so he could take his skirt off, before Rob had even laid back down Chester lips kissed his soft nipple, he bit down and felt Rob yelp out.

‘Sorry, did that hurt?’ Chester looked up with a lopsided smile of his face. Rob cupped his face and drew him up to his lips.

Rob ran his hands down Chester’s back and grabbed the rim of his hoodie and pulled it up, they parted from the kiss long enough pull it over Chester’s head. Again, they parted for his thin tee shirt but Rob quickly pulled Chester close feeling the Goosebumps rise on his tiny body; he hugged him close and rolled him over so once again Rob lay on top of the older man. Rob pulled away from the kiss to look down at Chester below.

‘What?’ Chester whispered he looked alarmed, suddenly worried Rob had changed his mind.

‘This is amazing.’ Rob whispered in reassurance and Chester blushed, the red flush added colour to his pale and sunken skin. Rob kissed at Chester’s neck and trailed his tongue up to his ear, he nibbled on the lobe as Chester’s hands roamed up and down his muscular arms and back marvelling at the strength that lay with them compared to his weak form. Chester sighed happily as Rob’s tongue and kisses traced the sharp line of his jaw them sucked on his bottom lip. As Rob kissed his way round the vocalists face, his fingers slid between Chester’s pants and skin pulling the soft fabric down. Rob kissed down his new lover’s neck again to his chest, copying Chester he sucked on his nipple and bit down to cause the same yelp to emit from Chester’s lips. As Rob travelled down he pulled the pants further until he stopped his ministrations with his lips to complete remove them from Chester. He sat by Chester’s feet, took in Chester’s body, and lost his breath for a second. It was the beautiful picture of a dying man, a skeleton binded in tight almost transparent skin, except for patches of red glaring scabs caused by the tortuous, intense radiotherapy he had endured.

‘It’s best not to look.’ Chester whispered ashamed at how his body was letting him down, his body compared to Rob’s looked like a five year olds.

‘You’re still beautiful.’ Rob replied as his eyes landed on the one surviving, lively part of Chester’s body, his hand reached out and his index finger landed on the tip before his hand gripped round the base and began to pump slowly. Rob watched as Chester began to raise his hips to quicken the slow strokes of Rob’s hand.

‘Rob, take me, I want you in me.’ Chester stuttered over his words as he looked up, stared intensely into his eyes, and opened his legs from Rob to crawl between.

‘I need to find some….’ Rob trailed off and blushed, letting go of Chester to get off the bed.

‘No- use this.’ Chester reached to the bedside table and grabbed his moisturising lotion that he used for his dry, sore skin. He chucked it to Rob and begged with his eyes for him to hurry.

‘Impatient aren’t you?’ Rob giggled and Chester glared.

‘No- no teasing. No teasing.’ He begged.

‘I think I’ll take my time.’ Rob murmured and fiddled with the bottle. Chester sat up and reached out for Robs cock, taking it in his left hand while his right took his own. He pumped them both rhythmically as he stared at Rob’s face and bit his lip in concentration. Rob couldn’t tear his eyes away from Chester’s actions, he began to pant heavily, his fingers letting go of the bottle to grip the sheet beneath him. Suddenly Chester removed his hand from Rob but continued to stroke himself.

‘Hey!’ Rob said automatically and Chester grinned his teeth still clenching onto his lip.

‘You tease.’

‘Fine.’ Rob leant over, pushed Chester back down on the bed, and pulled his hand from himself. He quickly grabbed the bottle and squirted it into his hand, he began to lather himself.

‘You need to stretch me.’ Chester murmured, ‘Stop masturbating and hurry up.’ He demanded and Rob laughed.

‘Are you like this with Talinda?’ He asked and Chester stuck his tongue out at him and opened his legs wider. Rob shook his head and crawled between Chester’s legs, his lubed finger nervously prodding at Chester’s entrance. He heard Chester gasp as his finger slipped in and he waited a moment before he slid it out and added another. He scissored his hands and Chester wriggled impatiently beneath him.

‘Ok… ok.’ Rob mumbled and shifted closer to him, removing his fingers. Chester lifted his hips and Rob bent over; with one hand, he guided himself and pushed when he felt the resistance of Chester’s tight opening. Both Rob and Chester gasped as he slid deep into his hilt.

‘You ok?’ Rob breathed and he lay over Chester who nodded.

‘Yes… Thank you.’ Chester whispered, his voice cracking with the sudden emotion that settled over them both. Rob gentle pulled out, biting his lip as the tightness of Chester nearly sent him over the edge. Chester saw the reluctance in Rob’s eyes and lifted his legs to wrap round Rob’s back, he pulled him closer and back deep inside him. They rocked together, Rob holding his weight above Chester, one hand tightly clasped round Chester’s, as their eye’s remained locked and their lower bodies took on their own life, pushing the heated blood round their bodies. Sweat glistened on them and Chester reached up to entwine a strand of Rob’s hair round his finger as he let out tiny gasps every time he thrust hard into him.

‘Tell me if-’ Rob began to whisper but suddenly Chester arched his back.

‘Do that again- you did it. There, oh fuck, there.’ Chester arched his chest to Rob’s and he leant up to kiss him lips, pulled his hand from under his and cupping Rob’s face to him. Encouraged Rob continued to thrust in the way Chester had instructed, getting harder as he began to feed his own needs. Chester buried his head in the crook of Rob’s neck and bit hard on the flesh as he pushed his lover deeper and harder inside them, the lust and friction mounting with each loud gasp, Chester’s voice becoming louder as he got tugged higher by the wave he was floating on. He felt Rob grab hold of him and begin to stoke him tightly and Chester dug his bitten fingernails into the muscle of Rob’s shoulder blades.

‘Chaz…’ Rob moaned almost simultaneously to Chester who groaned an incoherent word into Rob’s neck.

‘Fuck…’ He groaned and began to repeat the word, his voice getting louder and he threw his head back and raised his hips to meet Rob as he came down. ‘Rob….’ He shouted and Rob could feel the body below him begin to tense and watched intently as Chester opened his mouth and eyes wide as his body shook and he let out a silent scream, every muscle in his body on fire. Rob held him closer as the tightness of Chester became too much and he fell over the edge, feeling his hips buck uncontrollably forward into Chester as he emptied his seed deep inside. Chester let his arms go from round Rob’s neck and he lay back down on the bed, and Rob followed, leaning his weight gently on top of him, his head resting at the side of Chester, his lips placing a small kiss on the side of his neck.

They remained silent for a while, both their breathing gradually becoming slower; Rob’s eyes were closed as he breathed in the warm sent of Chester, his body completely covering his, except for his legs, which were still wrapped around him.

‘Thank you.’ Chester whispered, his fingers ran up the back of Rob’s neck and into his hair, Rob pulled back to look into his eyes.

‘No, thank you.’ Rob’s voice creaked, he had forgotten. He had forgotten that the man that lay below him would be leaving him soon, that any hope they had quickly faded with the sparkle in his new lover’s eyes.

‘Don’t think about that now. Just pretend it’s not happening. Just sleep with me, lay with me. I want your warmth.’ Chester whispered in his low southern drawl and Rob nodded weakly. He pulled back and felt himself pull out of Chester. He picked up the obviously weak body, placed him under the covers, and climbed in with him. Chester wrapped his arm around him, rested his head in the crook of his neck, and began to drift off.

‘I want to do that again, if I can.’ He whispered and Rob smiled, his hand sliding round Chester, and stopping on his lower back feeling the vertebrae protrude beneath his fingertips.

‘You don’t even have to ask.’ He replied and kissed the top of Chester’s smooth head.

Rob’s eyes closed as he began to drift off to sleep, he could feel the rope of dreamland begin to pull when he heard Chester whisper to him.

‘I’m sorry.’ He said and Rob moaned to let him know he had heard and ask what for. Chester understood.

‘For dying.’ He explained but Rob was already asleep.