A Madman’s Diary: Brad’s Story

May 19th, 2003

You know what they don’t tell you when you first are submitted to a mental facility?

You don’t exactly have to be insane to go to one…

They just like torturing you for hours on end about how you need some “counseling” and “time away from your family and friends to sort out your problems”.

Well, apparently the one thousand two hundred and thirty-three people that are trapped here totally disagree with that.

Every last one of them has tried to come up with an escape plan from the moment they were sent here.

Including me…

Allow me to introduce myself…

I’m Brad Delson… your regular nutcase. You know, the guy who is shoved into a straight jacket and thrown into a white padded room.

Except I don’t have a straight jacket and I have a regular room…

I mean, who am I?

Hannibal Lector?

Heh… that was a funny thought… anyway.

Well… let me give you the step-by-step version of the life of a crazy person.

Step 1: Get the crap scared out of you by a “crazy house” employee and fall out of the bunk bed.

Step 2: Get up off the floor and mumble obscenities until he/she leaves.

Step 3: Put on pants. (Optional)

Step 4: Take a walk outside of your room. Go into the “reck room”… (I.E- a huge freakin’ room with a big screen TV in it… with a bunch of loonies watching television.)

Step 5: Visit with the chicks in the reck room.

Let’s explain these, shall we?

There aren’t any chicks in this whole place that are actually worth talking to. They think you’re either one of the people coming from the planet Snark 3000 to steal their brains and use them as gas to get back to your home planet, or they’re mutes.

I’m watching these 3 chicks now. One of them is twitching madly… mumbling something about ‘little pink moshing aliens’ and rocking back and forth.

The other, taller one is laughing like the lunatic she is and saying ‘little pink sockity sock’ over and over again.

The third girl who is shorter is running back and forth between a couch and some chairs screaming ‘I WILL AVENGE YOU MY LITTLE CHIPMUNKY! YOU WILL NOT BE LEFT ALONE TO PERISH IN YOUR TORMENT AND SADNESS!’ She suddenly falls over onto her side and yells ‘HELP I’VE FALLEN AND I CAN’T GET UPPITY UP!’ Turning over onto her back, he finds something to occupy herself with…

“Oh! A QUARTER!!!”

Ahem… yeah.

Step 6: Leave the reck room before you are tackled by an overzealous… idiot.

Step 7: Go into “cafeteria” for some… breakfast. (In my case, lunch… since I sleep until, like, 4:30…)

Step 8: Eat the oh-so wonderful food, (Toasted rock, and some other fried crap, what I thought were hash browns which were really pancakes... yuck.)

Step 9: Throw up breakfast/lunch. (Optional)

Step 10: Continue out your day normally… if possible.

Well, I better stop writing in this journal thing. One of the phsycs might find it, and we wouldn’t want more counseling than we already have now, would we?

Yeah, I’m writing in a journal to keep track of what happens in this place. Who knows, maybe someone will find it and publish it into a book someday! Yeah right…

Shit, one of the therapists are coming, don’t want them reading this!

-Big Bad Brad