LPfiction

Category Linkin Park

Outside...of My Heart by Screaming-Suicide-4-Chaz

Hello,


Ok, the lyrics "Outside" are by Staind. This sucks, because it was writen by me, so, yeah.


You'll have to excuse me. This was writen around 5:00A.M and I was half asleep...




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You’re doing it to me again.


Why?


I don’t understand why anymore. Does it bring you happiness? Pleasure? Excitement? I’m sure it does all that and so much more.


Why do you like to make me feel like I’m used?


I care for you...



And you

You bring me to my knees

Again

All the times that I had to beg you please

- in vain

All the times that I felt insecure

For you

And I leave the burdens at the door...



I just don’t understand you anymore. It’s been like this for 6 years. Since the first day I met you, you’ve had complete control over me. I just don’t understand why.


I shouldn’t let you do this to me. I’m worth more than this.


Tonight, we have a hotel. Of course you and I are rooming together. Who else would I room with? You’re the only one I trust. You’re the one I run to when I get scared. You hold me and tell me you love me, and I believe you.


How can I not?


But how can I?


Why do I stay with you, through all of your false love? Do you really love me, or are they just words to you?


I see you open the hotel room door, grinning at me as you walk toward me. I immediately freeze. I know what’s coming.



But I’m on the outside

And I’m looking in

I can see through you

See your true colors

Cause inside your ugly

You’re ugly like me

I can see through you

See to the real you...



I’m not going to let this continue. But I do. You strip yourself and climb atop of me and begin to prepare me for your member that I’ve been used to for 6 years.


Sometimes I wish we had never met.


But then again, I’m glad we did.


I got to know the real you.


And this isn’t it.


I know this is not you.


You slowly push my legs up and enter me. I’ve always made myself tighter for you, knowing you like it that way much more. You squeeze your eyes closed and moan loudly with me, biting your bottom lip to stay calm and quiet.


It hurts, but like I said, I’ve gotten used to it. I’m used to this type of pain from you.


You whisper sweet nothings to me, telling me that you love me more than anything does. Like a fool, I believe you.



All the times that I felt

Like this wont end

Was for you

And I taste what I could

Never have

It’s from you

All the times

That I’ve tried

My intentions

Full of pride

But I waste more time

Than anyone...



I run my hands up your back, feeling your sweaty skin move on top of mine. I can’t help but love the way you feel inside of me. It’s wonderful. I’ve never felt this from anyone else but you.


“Chester...” You pant out my name and continue to pound into me, pushing my legs up higher so you can push deeper into me.


You know I love that.


But, this can’t go on forever.


It can’t.


Am I just a toy to you? You’ve always brung me down. If not with words, with your actions. Your stares. Your heart.


Everything you do effects me in some way.


I wish I could make you happy.



But I’m on the outside

And I’m looking in

I can see through you

See your true colors

Cause inside your ugly

You’re ugly like me

I can see through you

See to the real you...



I watch as you close your eyes tightly and moan loudly, reaching your climax. I’ve always loved when you came inside of me. It makes me feel whole, somehow.


Pulling out of my smaller body, you collapse next to me, pulling me close to you. Kissing me softly on the lips, you pull back and murmur, “I love you, Chester,”


Words.


Just words.


How can I believe them?


I look deeply into your eyes and smile, running the back of my hand over your cheek as you smile back at me. You’re beautiful. You’re perfect.


You’re me.


“I love you too, Mike,” I whisper, causing you to kiss me again. The room feels much hotter and your sweaty skin is pressed against mine as we kiss.


This is wrong.


Have you ever thought about the fact that I have a wife? A child? Do you care?


Do you even care about me or my feelings?


No. Because over the years, you have become me. You have my feelings. As crazy as that sounds, it’s true.


I’m not the nicest guy in the world, but you were. Not anymore.


You know I can see that it’s all an act. An act played out for me.



All the times that I’ve cried

All this wasted

It’s all inside

And I feel all this pain

Stuffed it down

It’s back again

And I lie here in bed

All alone, I can’t mend

- but I feel

Tomorrow will be O.K...



As you hold me in your arms, I cry. Tears flow down my cheeks and you pull back to look at me. You look confused.


Is your confusion an act also?


“Chester, what’s wrong?” You ask, looking worried. I want to tell you, but I can’t. I won’t.


“Nothing, Mike,” I mumble, wanting to forget it.


“No, please, tell me,” You say, wiping away my tears with your thumb, but they quickly come back.


“I... I just...” I can’t say it. “I love you,”


You smile warmly at me and whisper, “I love you too, Chester,” I force a smile and you hug me.


I do love you, Mike. More than anyone or anything. But this cannot go on. I’m lost and confused, because of you.


But then again, I’ll never have the heart to tell you to stop.


This will never stop.


We’ll be together forever, no matter how badly I don’t want it.


I’ll continue letting you use me, love me, and force me.


I feel alone, though I have you... and you have me.



But I’m on the outside

And I’m looking in

I can see through you

See your true colors

Cause inside your ugly

You’re ugly like me

I can see through you

See to the real you...”




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Ok, ::sighs::, Review and get a tube of lube! =D!

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