Mornings on a Tour Bus

“Shit!”

The muttered curse echoed throughout the metallic bus, somehow reaching the ears of the bus lounge’s sole occupants. The pair exchanged glances before shaking their heads.

“Still can’t find my drumsticks!”

The two friends sighed at the youngest man. It was a thing with Rob. He lost his drumsticks every week. Well of course, sometimes he had help with loosing said drumsticks courtesy of certain band mates. This time, however, the usual suspects were apparently innocent. They didn’t know why he just didn’t use the sticks his brother gave him, but no, the drummer was quite insistent that those weren’t for drumming. When Joe had tried to point out the contrary, he got a death glare and a threat that caused the DJ to hope that Rob never found his drumsticks.

Now normally Rob was a nice, laid back, quiet kind of guy. He took life in stride. However, whenever his drumsticks disappeared, so did the niceness and the result was someone with more attitude than Chester and Brad in the morning combined. It was actually rather amusing to watch, if you weren’t the one that the rage was directed towards. Luckily for both Joe and Phoenix, they were innocent and therefore free to watch the early morning temper tantrum being thrown by their youngest member. The DJ cocked his head to the side in thought.

“You think it’s possible to just permanently graft his sticks to his hands?” Joe asked the man opposite from him on the couch. Phoenix watched as Rob stormed into the room, searched by the PlayStation and then stormed out the room once more. He chewed on his lip, tossing the idea around in his head.

“For once, you are actually making some sense,” Phoenix paused. He looked at the clock on the wall. “Its too damn early if you are making sense.”

Joe just shrugged and continued to watch Rob storm around the bus. “He is never going to find them. He never does.”

“I wonder where they all go.”

“Wherever your lost socks go when you do the laundry,” Phoenix nodded at the suggestion. “Or just maybe the underwear gnomes took them.”

“Underwear gnomes?” Phoenix asked skeptically. “It’s not so early that I don’t think you are an idiot! What would the underwear gnomes want with Rob’s drumsticks?”

Joe thought about for a moment and shrugged. “Okay so maybe they are a distant cousin of them.”

“Moron.”

“Non-believer,” Joe clucked his tongue at the bassist. Phoenix grinned.

“Do you know where my sticks are?” Rob’s voice reached their ears once more.

“And he has found another hapless victim,” Joe mumbled.

“Is that some kind of trick question?” a sleepy voice asked. It was obvious the latest victim of Rob’s wrath had no clue as to what was going on.

“You are all so fucking useless to me!” Rob screamed in frustration, leaving a still half asleep Mike to stumble into the room. He rubbed his eyes tiredly and looked at his friends in confusion.

“I think Rob either just made a veiled sexual comment or he lost his drumsticks… again.”

“Both?” Phoenix suggested. Mike finally ceased rubbing his eyes and looked over at the empty spot that usually held the coffeemaker. “We would have made some coffee. But there isn’t any.”

“Aw,” Mike pouted. He opened the cabinet in search of something else to eat or drink. Suddenly his hand brushed against something. There in the back of the cabinet he had found a single packet of coffee, enough to make exactly one cup. “Hey look what I found.”

Joe and Phoenix both started. “No fair! We searched high and low for that thing. I want coffee,” Joe protested.

Mike yawned and flung the packet at him. “Take it. I’ll regret that later but you like coffee more than me. I’ll go ask the driver when the next stop is so we can get some before Chaz wakes up. All I need is for him to still be pissy with me after yesterday.”

Joe nodded as Mike walked away, make sure to be careful as to not to bump into Rob. Once he was sure that the emcee was out of earshot, he turned back to his companion. “I hate that man.”

“Why?” Phoenix raised an eyebrow in question. “He gave you the coffee.”

“He is such a lucky bastard! He just happens to find the coffee. Everything good happens to him.”

“Such as.”

“He has two best friends. Both Brad and Chester would do almost anything for him.”

“All three of them are our best friends too.”

“Yeah but they are closer. Tell me you never noticed it. Brad and Mike practically shared a sandbox and Mike and Chester share one brain!”

Phoenix nodded his head thoughtfully. He had kind of noticed that before. Joe continued his mini rant. “And he is so damn talented! God, the man comes up with a song even while he is taking a leak! And they are good songs!”

“Yeah!”

“And its like the man could be walking down the street and he would find a fifty dollar bill just lying around! Damn that Shinoda, because despite all that, despite the fact that millions of girls want to kill Anna just to have a chance at him, he is still so fucking nice! It would be so easy if he was an egotistical little shit like Chester but no, he has to be all sweet, ‘I love everyone and everything’ Shinoda!”

“He is unnaturally nice. The other day he said,” Phoenix motioned for Joe to come closer as if even he couldn’t believe what he was about to say. “He said that Britney Spears wasn’t a complete waste of flesh and that she was an alright singer.”

Joe gasped and looked at Phoenix with a mixture of fear and doubt. “How could he say that about her? Is he crazy?”

“I think so! He is just so, I don’t know about that man!”

“What man?” Mike asked joining them in the lounge once more.

“No man. No man at all,” Phoenix said quickly. “We were just chatting, talking, having a quick little conversation, conversing, shooting the breeze…”

“Okay I get the point,” Mike clamped a hand over Phoenix’s mouth. “I’ll be right back. Gotta take a shower before his Highness wakes up.”

Joe and Phoenix both nodded. “So…. I really do wonder what happened to Rob’s drumsticks this time.”

“I didn’t take them… this week… I swear!” Joe declared loudly as he heard muttering and stomping coming closer.

“Fucking group! Fucking sticks!” Rob muttered under his breath, returning to the room. He pushed Phoenix off the couch and searched the cushions underneath the older man and then did the same to Joe. He growled and gave them both a death glare before storming out of the room once again. Joe and Phoenix climbed back onto the couch. “Fucking disappearing sticks! Fucking band practice in two days!”

“Because you know how hard it is find drumsticks in only two days,” Joe whispered to his partner in crime. The bassist laughed softly fearing Rob’s wrath if he was heard.

Just then they heard a loud, ‘what the fuck are you doing’ and the sounds of someone being thrown out of their bunk. A few seconds later, Brad padded into the room barefoot and clad only in boxers and an ever present hoodie and baseball cap. The bassist and DJ were starting to wonder if the items had somehow been attached to his skin at some point and time. They contemplated using the same technology that allowed for this to happen and apply to Rob and his drumsticks.

Brad pointed sleepily in the direction he had just come from. Brad did not like to use vocal cords in the morning and as a result the band had learned his not so complicated form of sign language very early in the band’s conception. It was the only way they could communicate with him for almost 50% of their day. After quickly deciphering that the point meant ‘what is wrong with Rob, this time?’ the already awake pair decided to answer.

“Lost his sticks again,” Joe shrugged. “Thus the return of the potty mouth drummer.”

Brad gave a nod in his direction before slouching down on a couch. He tipped the cap lower over his eyes and leaned back on the seat and said no more.

“So again, what do you think really happened to Rob’s drumsticks this time?” Phoenix asked seriously. Joe sighed and shrugged. “I know I didn’t take them, and you didn’t take them. Mike never takes them. Brad wouldn’t have because it requires being awake at some point.”

They both glanced at the guitarist who only snored as a response. “Chester?”

“Would Chester really risk doing it alone?” Phoenix bit his bottom lip deep in thought. “Seriously whoever did it is gonna get killed, no doubt about it. Rob is going to massacre them this time around.”

Joe grimaced and nodded. “Yeah he is. Chester definitely wouldn’t have done it alone and Mike and Brad seemed genuinely confused as to what is going on. I wonder if he actually just lost them this time.”

“Well he can check wherever he wants as long as he doesn’t wake up Chester.”

“All we need is two he bitches to deal with,” Joe shook his head. The conversation fell to a lull and they all fell into a comfortable silence before Rob made a satisfied, somewhat maniacal laugh. “Something tells me he found the sticks.”

Rob rushed into the room happily brandishing said sticks. Phoenix shuddered at the sadistic grin that was plastered on the drummer's face. He feigned a smile. “Where did you find them?” he asked, fearing for the life of whoever it was that took them.

“In,” Rob paused as Mike came back into the room with a towel around his neck. His hair was still wet from his shower. “His bunk!”

“Huh?” was all Mike managed to say before Rob jumped on him and started hitting him.

“Hey Phe, guess he isn’t as lucky as we thought!”

“Why would Mike steal Rob’s drumsticks? Besides the whole entertainment value of watching him curse under his breath and try to find them. But this time, Mike didn’t even watch. Mike never plays hide the drumsticks. So why would he steal them now?”

Chester chose this moment to walk into the room. He did a double take as he saw Rob beating the crap out of Mike. Phoenix watched silently as the vocalist’s eyes changed slowly from sleep filled to completely aware. The scowl that had marred his features upon his first arriving in the room was slowly turning upwards. He grinned broadly. “I see Rob found his drumsticks.”

“How did you even know they were missing? You were sleeping… unless…” Chester just shrugged and walked away.

“Teach him to piss me off,” Chester muttered as he disappeared from their sight. Rob continued to hit a still confused Mike while Brad continued to snore.

Phoenix turned to Joe once more. “You know this group isn’t normal right?”

“Normal is way overrated.”

“That it is, Joe. That it is.”