LPfiction

Category Linkin Park

Lying From You by Nef

Title: Lying From You.

Summary: I’ll hurt you just to protect you, to protect the band, to protect myself.

Rating: R

Disclaimer: Another little break from “A Game of Chance” I got an idea from the new pre-released song “Lying From you” and I tend to work off the vibes I get from songs. Anyway I don’t own LP, don’t know them, I know nothing about the song “Lying From You” accept what it sounds like and that I love it. Enjoy the show.


Lying From You.


I’m trying to bend the truth,


We’re sat in your lounge, the silence almost unbearable. You’re staring hard at me from the other side of the table. This is what you get when you stumble into your friend’s house at three AM sobbing and mumbling incoherently whilst stinking of drugs and booze. You had been angry that I stank of dope and had dragged me into your bathroom before I puked all over your carpet. Now that I’m sober and suffering from a hangover, you want to talk, you want to know what’s going on.


“Well?” You finally break the silence, sounding blank. I can’t tell if you’re angry or worried. I don’t look at you. I’m so ashamed of what I have become, of all the lies. “Say something.”


“I’m sorry.” Was all I could manage. If you knew I was saying that because of the lies I have been telling you and myself then you would understand why I had said it. It was all I could say.


“For what?” you ask, sounding slightly concerned.


“It doesn’t matter.” I mutter and pull my jacket tighter around me. I can still feel your gaze on me burning through my defences. “I’ll go. I shouldn’t have bothered you last night.”


“It’s okay.” I look at you, surprised by the softness in your voice. You smiled slightly, a caring glint in your eyes. “I’m just worried about you, you’ve been…”


Different. I know, I’ve been different lately, that’s because for the last twenty six years of my life I have been living a lie and now I’m living hundred of little ones just so I can keep the people I love around me. Just so I can keep you around me. I’ll bend the truth just to have you around me. I stay seated deciding on staying, even though if I stay you’ll only press for answers. Answers I’m not sure I have.


“You’ve changed.” You spoke again this time coming from a different perspective. “When did you start smoking again?”


“Not long ago.” I admit and run a hand through my hair nervously. “I have a lot on my mind, it helps me think a bit better that’s all.”


“Don’t lie please.” You manage through gritted teeth. “Why are you doing this?”


I don’t know how to answer you. I don’t have the answers. I lie about everything just to protect you, but you can’t see that can you? I look down trying to fight back the tears. I don’t like lying to you but I have no choice. All I have ever been is a lie, it would crush you if you knew that the man you thought was your best friend was a lying piece of shit.


“Answer me for goodness sake!” you yell standing up and making me jump. I can see the desperation in your eyes. “Don’t I deserve to know what’s going on? An I that unimportant to you?”


“It’s not like that.” I spoke quietly. “I just can’t talk about it now.”


Great just admit there is a problem there. Now you’ll press on, I know you too well, you’ll press until I’m at breaking point then you’ll press just that little bit more until I come crashing down in front of you. But I can’t tell you.


“So there is something wrong?”


Here we go.


“No.” I manage. “There isn’t anything wrong, I’m just tired from production, please would you just let it slide?”


“No.”


I sighed and looked at you hard. If only you knew what you were doing was going to get you hurt. If only you knew. I shook my head and growled, I don’t want to do this to you but you can never know. “Just fucking leave it already okay? I’ll choose what I want to do.”


“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” You retort.


“It means I’m fed up of you mothering me!” I spit and stand up knocking my chair over. “I’m not a little kid!”


“Well you sure as hell are acting like one!”


“Fuck you man!” I screamed and spun for the door.


I’m lying my way from you,


Two days later and we were all supposed to meet for drink. Of course you think I’ll show, free booze and all but I don’t. I don’t know why but when I’m supposed to be with you, I’m sitting on my couch watching TV, my phone on silent and the house phone disconnected. I know you’ll try to call but I don’t care, you’ll be around here soon yelling at me for being so selfish, if only you knew the half of it.


“What kind of selfish ass are you?” You yell as you push me back into the lounge after opening the door to you. “The others were worried sick that you didn’t turn up! You said you would be there!”


“I changed my mind.” I answer quietly and sit down wishing you wouldn’t yell, I wish you weren’t here right now because it hurts so much to remember that I have to lie to you just to keep you close, just to save the band.


“Well you could have at least rung to say so!” You screamed and shoved me hard. “What the hell is wrong with you god damnit? Why are you being such an ass!”


I don’t answer you I just stare at you wishing you would get the hint and go away, leave me so I don’t feel this shame and hurt. I want to tell you everything but I can’t, I know how you’ll react. I don’t look at you as you storm over to the seat opposite me and sit down. “Just go would you?”


“Not until you tell me what’s up.” You growl and rest your head in your hand.


This is going to be a long night.


We sat in silence for what must well over an hour, I do everything to avoid your gaze but I know your staring hard at me, your cold gaze is burning into me. Please just stop this please, go away. I don’t want to hurt you but you’re going to make me if you don’t leave now.


“I don’t know why you are still here.” I mutter and stand up but you’re there to push me back down again. “Look get over it! There is nothing wrong!”


“You’re lying!” You spit.


Well you figured that out, now can you figure out the rest, like how much I hate myself for the feelings I have, how much I want to hold you right now and touch you, can you figure that out so I can stop lying to you? No of course you can’t. I glare at you wondering how long it’ll be before you give up on me once more and storm out. Soon I hope. I can’t take much more of this right now.


“Please would you just give up already?” I growl and stand up coming face to face with you. You’re so close that I falter and stumble back slightly; you were too close even now. “Please just leave me alone.” I manage at a low whisper.


“I can’t do that.” You speak softly, almost lovingly. “You’re my friend I can’t let you suffer alone.”


“You don’t understand.” I have to fight back the tears; I look away and stare out the window adjacent to you. Outside it’s still fairly light, but it’s getting dark fast. “I just can’t tell you.”


“So instead you’ll lie to me and hurt me?” You sound angry and wounded. “You’ll lie to everyone else and lock yourself away from us?”


“It’s the only way.” I mumble and lean against the couch, my legs no longer able to hold me up. “I just can’t tell you.”


“Please.” You whisper, I can tell your crying. “Please just tell me what it is.”


“I can’t!” I scream and back away from you shaking my head and breathing heavily as tears pour down my face, I am hurting you but it’s for your own good. I’m hurting you to protect you, to protect the band, to protect myself. “I just can’t tell you!”


“Yes you can!” You yell back and grab my wrist and hold me hard. “You can tell me! I’m your friend I’ll support you no matter what! You know I will! Now please tell me!”


“No!” I try pulling away but your hand is like a vice around my wrist and you squeeze tighter every time I struggle. “Let me go!”


“No!” Your eyes are red and glazed with tears. “Not until you tell me what’s going on! I will not leave until you tell me why you’ve been acting so weird lately! You’re upsetting everyone and scaring everyone! We worried sick about…”


“I’m Gay!”


No turning back now.


“What?” You manage at a whisper after a long and shocked silence fell between us.


“I’m gay.” I break down sliding to the floor and sobbing. “There, you happy now? I told you what’s wrong. I’m gay.”


“Oh god…” You try to hold me but I pull away.


“Please don’t touch me.” I whisper and huddle up and hide my face too ashamed to look at you, you’re disgusted by me, I can tell. “Just go.”


It’s your fault the band is going to be ruined, you had to push I was willing to hide it until the day I died. I was willing to be alone just as long as I had you for a friend, the man I loved. I hear you move and jump when you hand rests on my back, rubbing it soothingly. Your touch is so good, if only you knew how much it calmed me and made me feel so much better. I feel I should pull away and I am about to when…


“Please don’t.” You ask in a soft innocent voice making me stay where I am. For a moment neither of us moved then suddenly you pull me into a strong embrace and hold me as I start crying again. “How long?”


“I only realised a few months ago.” I whisper and melt into your touch, wishing that you never let go. You smell so good, so clean and right. I love the way your hand rubs on my back, so soothing and right, it fills me with such calmness.


“How did you know?”


I knew you would ask this, but I can’t tell you this much, if I told you, you were sure to hate me. You would demand I leave the band but not before humiliating in front of everyone. I shake my head against you chest. “It’s not important.”


“Yes, yes it is.” You tilt my head so I can see your beautiful smile. “It’s really important and I want to know.”


“No, you really don’t.” I sigh and sit up properly, tugging gently on the hem of my shirt. “It’s just best to leave it.”


“Please tell me Rob.”


That’s the first time you’ve said my name in days. I look at you and see the caring in your eyes and now I know I can’t keep hiding it all in. I breathe in deeply trying to calm my already shot nerves and close my eyes. You won’t like this but I guess you deserve to know. “You.”


“Me?” You sound confused.


“Yes.” I nod slowly and breathe in again. A minute passes before I can start again. I feel sick with anxiety. “I love you.”


There is a long, long silence. I dare not look at you but I know your staring at me I just don’t know what expression you have on your face. Finally I can take no more and stand up so I can make a fast escape for now.


“You… you love me?” you stammer and also stand up. “How? Why?”


“I don’t know and I told you, you wouldn’t like it.” I sigh and begin to walk again.


“No! Wait!” You grab my hand and pull me back making me tense. “Please, Rob look at me.”


I slowly drag my eyes up over your beautiful body and stare you in the eye. You have the most amazing grey eyes; they have several shades of grey and flickers of hazel in them. You stare at me, a smile tugging at the edge of you lips. Before I realise what is happening your lips are really close to mine, almost touching but not quite and you head is tilted for better access to my lips. You’re standing so close that our chests are touching and I realise now that your hands are on my waist. I am frozen rigid to the spot trying to figure out what’s going on.


“You really quite surprised me there.” You murmur, your hot breath hitting my skin. “But it was a good surprise.”


“Oh.” I am now really confused, isn’t this the part where you’re supposed to be beating my ass down. “It was?” I’ll push my luck.


“Yes.”


And before I can say anymore you lean in, closing the tiny space between our lips so that your soft skin is against mine in the most innocent, nervous kiss I have ever been in. for a moment our lips just brush over each other’s gently, nervously then finally I feel your hand on the back of my head pushing me in so the kiss was deepened. I didn’t struggle as your tongue slid out and begged for entrance into my mouth, and I gave it to you no longer wanting to wait to taste you. And you taste so sweet and right. Your free hand snakes around my back and pulls me closer causing me to bring my hands up to rest on you shoulders. Your tongue runs along mine, coaxing me to relax.


Finally you pull away smiling, your cheeks flushed.


“Wow.” Is all I can manage. I stare at you feeling enlightened.


“I have wanted to do that for so long Rob.” You smile brushing some hair out of my eyes. “I have wanted you for so long.”


I search your eyes and can only see love and happiness. I smile and allow you to pull me into a hug, resting my head on you shoulder and kissing the nape of your neck lightly. “I thought you would hate me when I told you.”


“I could never hate you.” You chuckle and tilt my head so I am looking at you again. “I love you Rob.”


I smile as the words flow out of your mouth. It’s like a dream come true, more so even. I am temporally speechless.


The very worst part of you is me.


How can something beautiful and good want someone so bad like me? You are everything that I wanted to be and everything I want. Now two weeks on, I’m lying into your arms on the couch and all I can think about is that damn line.


“The very worst part of you is me.”


Goddamn Chester and Mike for coming up with that line, how it describes us so well. You’re so good, so smart and talented and I am constantly fucking up. Like last week in New York. I accidentally spilt cola all over your shirt, even though you never got angry I felt so guilty. I seem to be fucking up a lot lately. For someone who is supposed to be innocent and sweet, I am sure as hell acting like a reject. I have got you in so much trouble. I don’t mean to but I can’t seem to stop fucking up.


I sigh and close my eyes against the tears just glad to have you holding me. You manage to make everything okay after all I have done. I sniff and wipe the fallen tears away and try to think of positive things, like you.


“Rob?” You murmur and tilt my head so you can see the tears. “What’s wrong baby?”


“It’s nothing.” I smile and kiss you lightly, after all this time; your taste still amazes me. “I was just having some bad thoughts that’s all, I’m okay now.”


You smile and lean down to kiss me again before pulling away so you can look at me and speak. “I love you Rob.”


“I love you too Dave.” I whisper and close my eyes allowing myself to sleep a content sleep.


A/N: not my best i know but i got strong vibes Kidz and i had to work on em. so anyway tell me what you think and don't do a me and fuck up your review *Apologises to Carro over and over for her stupid mistake* i tell Carro the writer to hurry up and review *Shakes her head* I'm such a dumb ass. Anyway back to "Game of Chance" and soon my sequel to "The Days in which we are."


Later Dayz

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