Category Linkin Park

Last Goodbye by shinobi

I haven't forgotten about my other fics, honest!! Go check out my journal though beacuse I post most of my stuff in there.... http://www.livejournal.com/users/lazy_dayz/ feel free to add me to your friends list... okay.. on with the fiction! ^_^

Title ~ "Last Goodbye"

Fandom ~ Linkin Park

Pairing ~ Take a wild guess

Genre ~ Angst

Summery ~ One of the guys finally moves on.....

~ Last Goodbye ~ by shinobi ~

~ Disclaimer ~ Nope, don't own LP, this is just fiction

~ A/N ~ Sorry, but I had to do a Vday fic, but it's a little different, I hope, I've never written like this before ^~^ don't forget to leave me a review!! Enjoy!!

~ I heard your voice through photograph

~ I thought it up and brought up the past ~ RHCP ~ otherside.

Cold. It's so cold outside, colder than any February I can remember. The sky is full of gray clouds, the trees blowing in the cold wind. Rain is thundering down from the sky, funny that, it doesn't seem to have stopped raining since you went away. The sun doesn't shine anymore, the clouds no longer white and plump, it just rains and rains.

Droplets are trickling down the window pane as I sit in our window seat, our special place. I'm looking out over the garden. Remember how you used to spend ages out there in the spring? You'd spend forever planting bulbs and seeds, tending to the grass and making the place in to our own little eden. By summer the plants would be in full bloom and all the times I'd nagged at you for spending days and nights outside would be forgotten as I saw just how close to paradise you'd made it.... roses and marigolds and brightly colored plants weaved their ways along the the edges of the thick green grass, intertwining with honeysuckle bushes and trees. I remember how we used to follow the winding path down through arched hedge ways until we reached the very bottom of the garden. That's where your masterpiece was, that's where the tall oak tree you'd spent so many months tending to lived. You built a bench around the trunk of it. It looked so special, like something out of a fairy tale, twisted branches hung low, green leaves hanging from them, shining in the sunlight. We shared so many special moments there.

And now look at it. It's a mess, a jungle of overgrown plants and dead grass, branches from our oak tree line the path, they came down in the storm last week. I tried so hard to keep it tidy, I swear I did. I wanted it to be the way you left it so that when you come back it will be perfect for you but I've failed. I never was very green fingered, was I? Remember when we tried to grow some vegetables? You left me in charge of growing the potatoes... they died. You laughed at me for that, I never did figure out what was so funny.... I think I tried to grow a rose bush too, I wanted to grow it for you.... I gave up in the end. I guess gardening just wasn't my forte.

I'm sorry it's such a mess, I'm sorry I've not been able to keep it growing. It's not just because I'm a lousy gardener though. It's hard you know, being without you. Some days I don't even get out of bed.

Some nights I don't even go to sleep.

I don't get it. I don't understand. Where are you? Why won't you come back to me? I need you so much. I can't do anything without you. I feel so tired, so sick.

You always used to sing to me when I was ill, do you remember? You'd tuck me up into our bed and play your guitar, singing along softly until I'd fallen asleep. You'd never admit it but you had such an amazing voice, so gentle, so caring.

That's you all over, gentle, caring.

But if you're so caring, why aren't you here with me now? Why aren't you singing me to sleep, holding me tightly, telling me how everything's going to be okay?

I need you baby, I need you so much. I just want you to hold me, whisper sweet nothings to me, is that too much to ask for?

Holding you, that's how I fell in love with you. Do you remember that night? We were on tour, just finished playing a show and were on the bus, driving to our next venue. You were ill, you almost collapsed as we came off stage. I'd told you, we'd all told you before the show that we should cancel but you were stubborn as ever. "I'm not canceling a show over some stupid illness," you'd told us. By the time we were on the bus you were fast asleep in my arms, something you'd done a thousand times before but that night, that night things just felt different. We'd always been close, the best of friends, but when I held you as you slept against me I realized how much you really meant to me.... much more than good friends.

Three months later and I was in total agony. I'd tried avoiding you, ignoring you, I'd even been a complete git to you just so I could deny my feelings. But then, as we checked out of our final hotel and waited for the bus to pick us up and take us back home for some well deserved rest, you came up to me, said we needed to talk. I remember the seriousness in your voice, the look in your eyes as you told me.

So we talked and we talked, all through the five hour bus journey home and not once did I tell you how I really felt. Just kept on lying to you, denying my true feelings.

I remember it so well. We lay there in your bunk and you kept asking me what was on my mind, only I was too scared to tell you, too scared that you'd freak out and never speak to me again.

Only that's not what happened.

Three days later you called round, said you had something important to tell me. So we sat on my couch, staring awkwardly at one another until finally you let out a sigh and turned to face me. "Don't hate me for what I'm about to do," you'd whispered and I frowned, wondering what you meant by that but before I had chance to respond your lips were on mine.

You were kissing me.

That was the day my agony ended. The day we finally confessed how we felt for one another... We fell asleep in one another's arms, do you remember? And the next morning, that was the best feeling as I woke up beside you, our hands linked together.

From then on I never woke up without you.

You promised, we both promised that we'd never wake up without one another.

Why'd you break our promise?

It's been so long, too long, since I've woken up in your arms. I miss the way you'd always wake a few minutes before me and greet me with you heart warming smile when my eyes fluttered open. I miss the way you'd pull me closer to you and plant kisses all over my face before our lips would finally meet and part a few minutes later as we said 'good morning'.

Every morning would be the same, we fell into a routine, I guess, but I didn't mind one bit, I was with you.

After waking up we'd shower and no doubt get side tracked somewhere along the way..... you always were excitable, to say the least, in the mornings. Then we'd dress and eat breakfast. You always made me eat breakfast, said it was the most important meal of the day or something....

By noon we'd be in the studio with the others... They miss you too, you know. We all do.

We always used to hang together and meet up when we weren't on tour, it's funny, almost like the six of us couldn't live without one another. Do you remember some of the pranks we used to come up with on tour? They were mainly your ideas but everyone blamed Joe because they all thought you were too innocent. You were never innocent really, believe me, I know!

I miss all that so much too, hanging out with the other four, laughing at things that weren't even that funny, making tracks in the studio... I miss the fun times we shared so much. I even miss touring, I miss being cramped up on that bus four twenty four hours a day, I miss not being able to shower for weeks on end, I even miss the crumby meals we used to eat at diners along our journey, but we can't go on any tours anymore, we won't, not without you.

There's no point anymore.

Without you, we're nothing.

Without you I don't even see the point of living. Like I said, I spend most of my time in bed. I don't sleep. I can't sleep. Everytime I close my eyes I'm haunted by nightmares of that night. So I just lay there, in our bed, the covers wrapped tight around me as I stare up to the ceiling, counting the days down until I see you next because it's got to be soon, it's got to be sometime soon.

I'm in our room now, it was getting cold downstairs by the window. It's weird, I always seem to be cold these days... ever since you left.... I'm looking at a photo of you. You look so beautiful, do you realize that? You're smiling, that huge grin of yours is plastered across your face, y'know the one that lights up your eyes... Your eyes, they're so big, so bright....

Why can't it be you I'm looking at instead of this stupid photograph, hey? Why can't you just be here by my side, holding me. All I ask is for you to come back, is that too much?

You know, I still wake up every morning expecting you to be beside me. Sometimes when I finally fall asleep, I dream about you and when I wake up I don't want to open my eyes, I don't want to lose my vision of you in my mind. It's the same every morning though because when I finally open my eyes I roll over to your side of the bed and my smile fades, because you're not there like you promised you would be.

Why did you lie?

Our bed's so empty without you. Do you remember when we bought it? You insisted on getting the king size one, didn't you? We had so much fun that day, bouncing up and down like a pair of kids on every bed in the shop until we found the one with the springiest mattress. The looks people were giving us in that shop... but we didn't care. It didn't bother us at all because we were together... we were happy.

Not anymore though.

Do you know what day it is today? I used to hate this day so much until we got together.... I would always be surrounded by couples wishing I could find the love they shared.... then I did. I found you. The first year you bought me roses, cooked me dinner, even though you weren't into all that romantic stuff you did it for me... you were like that... always thinking of others, always caring.... The second year we were back on tour again. I won't ever forget that day. How can I? We were stopping somewhere in England and we ended up going for a walk through a forest that led out onto the beach. It was such a beautiful place, such an amazing view. We had such a time, remember? Just you and me for a few hours, holding hands and cuddling together.... together....

That was last year. Odd how time flies.

That was the last valentines day I got to spend with you, the last time I ever saw you. That's why today hurts so much.

It's a year, one whole year since you left me.

I feel so empty, so sick. All I can think about is what happened. It's playing over and over in my mind again, haunting me, screaming out at me. I don't want to see it happening again, I don't want to live it through ever again but it's all I can see... all that fills my mind.

Why did it happen, hey? Why did it have to happen. We were so happy, so happy. It's all I can see... all I can hear...

We were walking back to the hotel after our walk through the forest. Your hand was in mine and we both had big smiles upon our faces. We stopped on the corner by the hotel, you pulled me into your arms and smiled at me, whispered how much you loved me, how much you loved every day, knowing that you'd be with me for the rest of your life. Then you kissed me, just like you'd kissed me a thousand times before, only for some reason, this felt different, so much more intense. As you pulled away and my eyes fluttered open, I could see your love, your desire for me and only me shining back. Then I felt you slip something cold onto one of my fingers. You smiled back at me, your eyes sparkling back. I slowly pulled away and looked down at the silver band that you'd slid onto my wedding finger.

"Marry me," you'd whispered, taking my hands in yours. I stood rooted to the spot, trembling as I nodded, my body numb from the shock.. you wanted me, you really wanted me.... Tears fell from my eyes as you pulled me into your arms and we stood there for ages as I whispered "Yes."

We finally pulled away and stood staring at one another before you told me that we should get back to the hotel. I nodded numbly, my mind barely registering what you had said as you took my hand and started walking out into the road. You turned back to me, flashing me your famous smile as you tugged on my hand, beckoning me to follow.

Then it happened.

Everything went wrong.

If only I'd been right by your side.

If only I'd been looking where we were walking.

If only I'd seen it.... if only I'd seen that truck.

You were there, looking back at me, smiling, make me heart flutter and then you were on the ground, choking out your last breaths....

I didn't even see the truck coming. It was going so fast. I just saw your body fly up in the air in slow motion as it sped into you.

You were there, just a little in front of me, smiling at me, smiling at me....

I screamed, I screamed so loud as I ran over to you, shaking as I saw your crumpled body on the floor. You were crying, crying how much you loved me, how much you loved me.... Blood everywhere, pouring from you head, your hands, your legs... you couldn't move your legs... kept telling me how much it hurt.. you were cold, so cold, I held your hand, told you through my tears how everything was going to be okay but you didn't move. You just lay there in my arms, tears streaming down your cold cheeks.....

I begged you, I begged you so much not to close your eyes.... but you couldn't... you couldn't keep them open, you tried, I know you tried but it was too late.

I cried. I cried so much as you slowly drifted away in my arms.

I know it wasn't your fault, I know you couldn't stay... but I miss you so much, there's so much I want to tell you, so many things I have to say to you. We still had the rest of our lives together, we were going to do so much, visit so many places, try out so many new things.

But you were taken away from me.

Your life was taken away and there's no way on earth it can be replaced.

I still have the ring, you know. I wear it all the time, I'll never take it off, it'll always be with me.

There's someone knocking at the door, probably Dave or Rob, they always come around at this time in the morning. I don't know why. I'm no fun to be with anymore but still they visit me every day without fail, making sure I eat, making sure I'm out of bed. Some days they just sit watching me, scared of what I'm going to do.

Walking down the stairs, I stop and look at the drawings that hang from the wall. Your paintings, you were so talented, every drawing you did was so amazing, so precious to me. Remember this one? It's of me. I didn't even know you were doing it until you'd finished and handed it over. We were sat on our tour bus, traveling to yet another venue. I was sat on the couch, head leaning against the window as I watched the world pass us by. You said I looked so at peace....

Someone knocking at the door, that's the reason I left our room. I sigh and head down the stairs, grabbing the key from the hook on the wall. I push it in the lock and turn it round, pulling the door open as it unlocks.


You stare back at me, a smile on your face as you stand on the steps, a rose in one hand, a red envelope in the other.

"What are you doing here?" I whisper.

You smile and step closer, so close until our lips are almost touching.

"I came to say goodbye," you whisper, gently pressing your lips against mine. We kiss for what seems like an eternity, your tongue slowly sliding along my bottom lip, parting them with such skill as the kiss deepens. Your hands are around my waist now, holding me tightly, pulling me close as your warm tongue slides against mine, kissing me ever so gently, warming my heart with your touch.

I can barely breathe as you finally pull away and take my hand in yours, pushing me back inside our house. I follow you up the stairs, your footsteps soft as you step down the hall into our bedroom.

I sit down beside you, my hand immediately around yours, how I've missed your touch.... your smile... you.

"I've missed you so much," I whisper, my voice trembling slightly, I'm shaking so much... I can't believe you're here.....

You smile back, arm sliding around my waist as you pull me into a tight embrace, "Me too," you whisper. You slowly pull me down against the soft mattress and I lie in your arms, purring slightly as your hands work their way up and down my body.

I've missed this so much..... too much.

"Do you know I watch you every day?" Your voice breaks the silence and I twist in your arms, my chest against yours as I raise my head to look up at you.

"You do?" I whisper.

You simply nod, smile breaking out across your face.... I've missed your smile so much..... too much.

"You don't have to be unhappy," you tell me, "I want you to be happy," you sigh.

"But I can't," I reply.

"Yes," you whisper, "You can."

I frown as your hand moves up my back and tangles in my hair... my hair.... remember how you used to moan at me when I took too long in the bathroom, spiking it up into perfection... just the way you liked it? It's a mess now... the blonde has grown out and it sticks up messily from my head.... I don't care what it's like.... no need to anymore....

"You've got to move on," you tell me, sitting up as I curl up in your lap, your hand still gently fiddling with my hair, "Baby?"

I look up at you, blinking away tears.

"Don't cry," you whisper softly as your fingers wipe away my cold tears, "No more tears," you tell me as I lean against you. I've longed for this for so long, just to have you here by my side, holding me once more.

"Please," you whisper, "Move on, start living your life again?"

"I can't without you," I sigh, my eyes meeting yours.... I've missed them so much, their sparkle, their warmth.

"You're not without me," you whisper, placing a kiss to my forehead, "I've got you safe," you tell me, placing my hand against your heart, "You're in here, everyday. Nothing bad is ever going to happen to you again, I swear," you tell me with all sincerity, "I'm watching over you everyday, you're safe," you repeat, before slowly kissing me on the lips, "Promise me you'll move on? Please?"

I stare back at you, knowing it's for the best, knowing you're right, you're always right.....

I smile and nod my head, my eyes slowly closing as you pull me down against you. I feel your hands gently running up and down my back, soothing me to sleep, just like you always used to.

Just like before.


I slowly open my eyes and blink several times, wondering where I am. I glance around as I sit up and remember that I fell asleep on our bed.... I thought you were with me again... I thought I fell asleep in your arms.... but our bed is empty, just me alone once more.

I sigh and roll over onto my back, jumping slightly as my hand connects with something....

I sit up as my eyes meet with a single red rose sitting on top of an envelope. The rose... the envelope....

My hands quickly reach for the envelope and I carefully open it pulling the card out. It's white with a red heart in the middle, just the kind that you'd pick. I begin to shake as I slowly open it and read through your neatly formed writing, a tear trickling down my cheek as I pick the rose up....


You know it's time to move on now, don't you?

But I'm keeping you safe

And I'll always be with you

Don't forget this

I guess this is goodbye, but not forever

Mike xx

"I'll never forget it," I whisper, holding the rose close to my heart as I fall back against the bed, sighing as I feel a weight being lifted off my shoulders.

That's all I wanted, all I needed....

A last goodbye.



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