I am an idiot!!!!!

I should have said something sooner

I should have told him I knew

But no

I kept quiet

For 7 years I pretended I didn’t know

I should have said something

What?

I thought it was just a crush, he would find someone else

I didn’t want him to fall in love with me

I’m straight

I’m married

I’m expecting a baby…er…my wife is

I’m not gay

Never have been

Well, there was that time at college when my roommate got into the wrong bed, I was drunk and thought it was my girlfriend, but all we did was cuddle…so we kissed, just once…okay twice...with tongue, but I didn’t like it…much…he was a very feminine guy, great body, tanned, washboard stomach, sandy blonde hair, beautiful green eyes, just enough stubble to attract you to his lips…oh his lips…how good they felt as they kissed their way down my neck, sucking and licking at my collar bone, as he pushed me down, climbing on top of me, stoking my sides with his finger tips. He circled my nipples with his tongue, biting gently...but that’s all…okay he gave me blow job…okay okay we 69’d and he stuck his finger up my ass…and there may have been an exchange of “I love you”s, but I’m sure everyone would say that if they had just gotten head from the captain of the wrestling team and had their best ever orgasm...not that I’m saying my wife isn’t good, she’s great, well she’s okay...she has her mouth in the right place and she sucks…she sucks…the vacuum cleaner is better!

Did I mention I was drunk?

I’m not gay. Never will be

I thought it was just a phase, he would get over it

He had girlfriends; he never looked at them like he looked at me. It wasn’t real, all for show, for our benefit, his way of hiding. But I saw, I could feel him watching me on stage, see the sadness hidden in his eyes when he smiled at me and hear the pain in his voice when he congratulated me at my wedding.

Did he have boyfriends?

So many secrets

Do the others know?

“Would you like something to drink?”

“Huh?” I jumped slightly as someone touched my shoulder

“Would you like something to drink?” I turned to face the voice, she nervously smiled, probably recognizing me, her face is turning red, must be a fan.

Why is she staring at my hands?

“Shit” I mutter as I quickly turn over the papers in my hand, now I’m going red

Please don’t recognize me

Please don’t recognize me

Please don’t recognize me

“Would you like something to drink Mr. Shinoda?”

FUCK!!!!!!!

“No thanks” forcing a smile “how long till we land?”

“About an hour”

“Thanks” and she walks away

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Dropping my head and hitting it with the papers I’m holding

Idiot!!!!!!!

Insert witty title here – by Noda Bear’s Bitch

I can see the headline now

Linkin Porn, Slash Addict Vocalist

Great

Just great

Luckily the lady sitting next to me is French and doesn’t speak English

God I hate flying

I should be on the tour bus in France

But no, I’m on a plane, going home

I am an idiot!!!!!

I should have said something sooner

I should have told him I knew

I’ve been thinking this over and over for 2 days now

Why didn’t I?

I thought it was just a crush

A passing phase

I didn’t want to make things uncomfortable between us

I should have noticed the depression

He might not have run away in the middle of a tour and I wouldn’t be on a plane flying halfway round the world to sort this mess out

It went on too long

I should have said something

Would it have made any difference?

We could have talked about it

What the hell would I have said?

“Hey Rob, I know you want my ass, anything good on TV?”

“Rob, I know I’m hot and it’s completely understandable that you’re in love with me, but have you seen Chester’s ass? Wouldn’t you rather lust after that?”

Chester has a great ass. I would kill for an ass like his, it’s perfect.

“Rob, you’re one of my best friends, and I love you; you’re like a brother to me. I know you have feelings for me, I’m sorry I don’t feel that way about you, but I will always be there for you if you want to talk about it”

I’ve been watching too much Dawson’s Creek

“I know that you’re in love with me, I’m sorry but it can never be. I think you’re great, but I’m straight. What about Dave, he’ll be your sex slave”

Phi-Phi is so gay; I can’t be the only one who notices this…maybe I could set Rob up with him…no, Phi is married; how does his wife not notice? Maybe they are into some sort of kinky threesome thing…or maybe Linsey is really a man…it’s a boys name too

Ping

Ooo seatbelts

“This is the captain speaking, I would like to inform you we will be landing in half an hour, the time is 9:45pm and we are due for warm sunny weather.”

Oh crap, I’m nearly there and I still haven’t figured out what to do, I should have said something 7 years ago then none of this would be happening.....