Category Linkin Park

Falling is like this by vei

"I know everything there is to know about how people die in car crashes. What hits what, what breaks, what's spilled. Everything." Mike spoke in an even voice. "And I still have no idea how it feels."

It was their last night together. And he had the audacity to talk to Chester about his job, the high quality wine warming his insides and making him speak as if there was no tomorrow. What did it all concern Chester anyway ? Crash tests are mere doll-breaking, after all. Having a bunch of angry gangsters hot on his trail he surely had more important things to be worrying about.

Things like his own death looming just beyond the horizon.

At that he must have been aware at this point that Mike wasn't going to protect him. If he ever seemed strong to Chester at all in the end it proved to be just an illusion. When you got right down to it letting things happen and observing them happening was way more of his thing than attempting to change anything. He was an artist, he was watching things and seeing them in twisted ways and it was the extent of his activity - noting down small meaningless facts just as the disaster was striking.

His job was exactly the same, differing merely in the scientific tone of the data he was supposed to produce.

"But in the end, we're all going to know how it feels to die... All of us." Mike couldn't help but whisper even though he could smell Chester's fear strong and heady in the stale air of the messy bedroom.

In the end everyone ends up the same anyway. Life in general and crash tests have that one crucial thing in common, Mike thought in a sudden moment of enlightenment. There is always a wall for everyone to crash into to end up as a ruined wreck. Always.

The tips of his fingers sliding down the back of Chester's neck could feel the soft barely there hair there rising when he heard his words.

"There's nothing to be afraid of." He continued, attempting to sound soothing enough to persuade Chester to give in one last final time. "It is bound to happen sooner or later anyway."

There was something strikingly beautiful about their sex on that night and Mike kept on musing right up to the sunrise how being the last in someone's life is truly perfect, even more so than being the first or the most felt for. You leave your traces all over and they are never washed away and never replaced by someone else's.

He swallowed the very last orgasm of Chester's life. It felt special. Amazing. But the amazement wasn't long-lasting and he only felt sick when Chester was dead not later than the next morning, picked apart by hard boots and metal barrels and a few well placed shots.

Mike had seen the bloody mess that was all that was left of him and honestly didn't feel like scrubbing it off the pavement. So he left just like his executors, seemingly without a care, and went home to wash the sperm from last night off the sheets.

He'd always thought weeping in the bathroom was the last thing anyone was ever going to catch him doing. He was proved wrong that day.

Becoming attached to anything mortal was bound to hurt sooner or later too, he reminded himself. Loves and crash tests have that one crucial thing in common, he thought in a sudden moment of enlightenment. There is always a wall for every single one to crash into to end up as a ruined wreck. Always.

That day at work he was assisting preparations to a frontal offset crash test due in three days. The crash test dummy was brought in and calibrated, its head removed and dropped to the floor and its neck flexed violently. Mike couldn't help but see Chester's face instead of the dummy's mask with empty eyes and couldn't help seeing the blood spilling at that violent treatment either.

They told him to go home as soon as they noticed how badly his hands were trembling. On his way out, he passed by a group of biomechanics students soaking up a lecture on crash test dummies.

"A vehicle can be crashed only once though... no matter how carefully the test is done, it cannot be repeated exactly." The lecturer remarked with an encouraging smile on his face.

His words were what made Mike think that it was the end. For him as well.

Chester was not coming back. Nothing was coming back. All that lay ahead was a wall he was going to crash into sooner or later anyway. The most crazy thing was - the extent of his control was beckoning it to come closer. All close.

He'd seen so many crash tests in his life both in person and on video materials during his studies. He went to actual car crashes scenes eagerly to see what he was working on in its real form as well. He'd seen so many heads cracked open and severed limbs stuck between smashed metal parts and knew the smell of burnt human flesh all too well.

He'd seen the love of his life being changed into a bloody pulp and still he didn't know. He had no idea really how it felt like to die. It was stupid to wait to get to know that feeling.

When people go and commit suicide right the next day after their loved one was murdered why do you think they are doing that ? Shouldn't all they are thinking about be sorrow and longing ?

All Mike could feel was numbness though and all he could think about was the image of a crash test stuck right under his eyelids. Everything is like crash tests. Everything happens only once and ends in that millisecond when the car meets the wall, the dummy's head falls off, the human body changes into bloody pulp, eyes turn lifeless for good, love disappears once and for all...

...works of art are ripped to shreds and forgotten...

...suns burn out and universes collapse.

He climbed onto the seventh floor, opened the window in the hallway there the widest it would go and wondered for the last time how he was going to look like after his own crash. He looked onto the concrete pavement down below, assessing the distance, wondering if that was high enough to make enough of an impact to reach Chester six feet underground.

He climbed onto the windowsill and jumped right away. The wall jerked all close with a whiz of air in his ears.