Category Linkin Park

To see you leave again by Seraphina

This is my first ff in English. So there may be some mistakes but I hope you'll forgive me ; ) The beginning is taken from the song Hover by TRUST Company.

While I was listening to that song I head the idea for this ff.

By the way I don't own one of the LP guys. Well 'kay Chester's kinda my slave but let's forget about this ; )

You know it's all fictional and none of theses things ever happened or will ever happen.

So have fun and plz review.


To see you leave again, it's over.

And it kills me to watch you descend, to the end.

Shutting me out again, are you trying?

Closing me out again, are you hurting?

You take me down, further inside of me.

Now I'm fading out, I can barely see.

To see you caving in, I'm undone

And to say it's the last time again, it's the end.

It's been hours over hours I've been hearing this song.

Lying here on my bed and thinking of everything that'd happened.

My tears are dry now and I can't cry anymore.

It still hurts like a bitch and I know it will stay like this for a long time, maybe forever.

I still don't know why it had to be like it was right now.

The only thing I know is that he has left me.

And this time I know it's forever.

He told me yesterday.

He looked at me with cold brown eyes.

These eyes I'd always loved when they were warm and smiled at me.

"I don't love you anymore. It's over." he said and there were no emotions visible on his face.

I couldn't speak even if I'd heard similar words before.

He had finished our relationship several times but always came back to me.

But I could tell from his eyes that this time it was serious.

I felt tears building up in my eyes but somehow managed not to let them fall.

I swallowed hard and looked him straight in the eyes, begging him to tell me it wasn't true.

I knew he could read it from my eyes although he just turned around and went straight out of the room.

Without saying good bye he left me alone.

As soon as I was alone I started to cry.

It hurt deep inside and my heart felt like it was ripped apart.

I collapsed on the floor and curled myself up.

Tears still streaming down my cheeks I looked up to the wall I was lying in front of.

And my gaze fell on a picture showing the two of us when we'd been happy.

Immediately I felt anger rising up in me.

Before I knew what I did, I got up and took the picture off the wall.

Looking one last time at it, I than threw it away.

It burst on the floor leaving behind a heap of shards.

After that the only thing I can remember is that I just freaked out creating chaos and disorder everywhere I could reach.

And than a few hours ago I woke up lying in the kitchen, naked.

First I didn't know what had happened.

But when I saw the mess I had created, I suddenly could remember the last night and all the memories flooded into my mind.

I didn't clean up what I had done.

Right now, lying in my bed I feel too weak and the only thing I want to do is think.

Think about everything I'd obviously done wrong.

Think about the reasons.

Why did he leave me, finally?

Is it true?

Doesn't he love me anymore?

I just can't believe well maybe I just don't want to.

I close my hurting eyes just to shut out the light burning them.

Right than I see him smiling at me like he'd done so many times before.

And it hurts again to think that he would never do it again.

I can see us kissing, hugging, and loving.

I still feel his breath on my skin as we made love.

I feel his hands discovering my body, driving me crazy with every touch.

The memory of having him inside of me makes me shiver violently.

Even if I'm too weak to do anything I feel myself grow hard.

God, I need him so badly right now.

I want him to be here with me, caressing me, holding me and screwing me.

My hand moves down to touch my swollen member.

I can't help myself and moan out loud, grasping my cock.

Imagining it is him touching me, makes me want more and I begin to move my hand up and down.

My eyes still closed I think of him and what he used to do to me when we had sex.

My hand is moving faster now and breathing becomes harder.

I moan his name even though he is not here.

I feel myself near the edge and increase my speed once more.

Eventually I come hard, groaning his name again.

The warm and sticky liquid covers my hand, thighs and stomach.

I stand up to cleanse myself and enter the bathroom only to see that the mirror in front me, is broken.

I climb into the shower to wash away what is left of my fantasy.

I can't explain but I feel dirty although I've done this many times before.

But this time it feels different 'cause we are not together anymore.

`Yeah, Chester you're a dirty lil whore. That's why he did it. You're not worth being loved by him.´ I say to myself and start to cry again.

Climbing out of the shower I watch my blurry vision in the broken mirror.

`I look like shit.´ I think. `Maybe I always did and he never really loved me.´

The first time he told me that he loved me, I couldn't believe.

I'd always felt like I wasn't worth the love of others.

Then he stepped into my life.

First he was only a band mate, later we became friends and as time passed by my feelings for him began to change.

When we confessed our feelings for each other he told me he would never hurt me.

Now I know it was all a lie.

I trusted him with all my heart and soul and a stupid part inside of me still does.

But he misused this trust and threw it away as if it was something worthless.

Well obviously it was for him.

I run my fingers through my blonde hair, trying to focus on anything else but him.

But there's still no way to forget about him.

Thinking of the last years it seems like he's always been by my side.

Every time I needed comfort he was there to hold me and I did the same for him.

Yet he doesn't care anymore and so should I.

Still feeling miserable I decide to go out, just to leave this house where everything reminds me of him.

I take on black pants and a black sleeveless shirt plus my favourite pair of boots.

Finally I try to fix my hair which really looks like shit.

When I'm done with that I walk down the stairs, grasp my keys and leave the house.

The hot air outside hits me like a hammer.

Getting back inside my house is the only thing I can think of.

C'mon Chester you can get used to it, it's just one of these hot summer days in L.A. you know what it feels like.

I breathe in as deep as I can and feel the sweat running down my forehead.

I hate the heat that makes it hard to breathe especially in a city like L.A.

It's about noon and I call myself stupid wanting to go out at this time.

But hey, seems like I needed this right now 'cause my mind's getting clearer and I manage to focus on other thoughts than him.

Deciding to visit Mike I get into my precious Mullen and drive back from my gateway to the street.

Somehow I manage to drive carefully and calm.

When I finally arrive at Mike's I immediately start crying again.

I move slowly to the front door of his house knowing he would ask me what'd happened.

I want him to ask but I'm afraid of his reactions and all the questions that may follow.

Knocking on the door I suddenly hope he's not at home.

It was a mistake to come here.

At the same time as these thoughts enter my mind the door swings open.

All I can see is a blurry vision of Mike, staring at me.

I collapse in front of him, feeling too weak to stand up again.

He takes my hand to help me stand up but my knees feel like jelly, so we don't succeed.

Mike sits down next to me looking at me with concern in his dark eyes.

"Chester, what happened?" he asks with a sad voice and then puts his arms around my shoulders to hold me.

A few sobs escape my mouth and I hide my face in his shirt.

I can't speak.

Just sit there and cry.

And it feels good to be held by Mike.

I always felt good when he was around 'cause he's my best friend but also his.

I don't want Mike to be angry of him.

That's my problem; I still care about him although he's played with my heart and now broke it.

At last I sigh and lift my head up to Mike.

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