LPfiction

Reviews

Can We Take The Streets? by im.no.saviour

Add review

From: shinobi

Date: 2008-03-11

Chapter: 1

copy and paste because i'm like that...


this was beautiful.


i'm always so envious of people who can write short pieces - it's something i try and fail to do. please share your secret with me!


the repetition of 'maybe' and the way this was structured made me really enjoy it all the more. i don't know if it's me, but when i read 'maybe' i read uncertainity and i think this was the biggest thing that hit me from the character; the uncertainty and bleakness in their thoughts.


the descriptions you used floored me. they were so poetic yet fitting. and team that with the repetition and the doubt and the words that were pulling at my heart, yeah, i figure that's what made it all so beautiful. that lack of hope, that feeling of bittersweet that echos from the words.


loved it (:

From: Sudercer

Date: 2008-03-07

Chapter: 1

I didn't review, huh?

I'm a hoebag :X

Well I suck at reviews anyway, so it wouldn't be so much of a disappointment...To your misfortune I will review now though XD


I adore this, as I always do with just about ANYTHING you write. <3333 I look forward to more from you [and possibly having you read it to me ;] rawr.]


And on a side note: *cough* condo. :X

From: Welvia

Email:

Date: 2008-03-04

Chapter: 1

Beautiful. There's nothing else to say.

From: malaiyas

Date: 2008-03-03

Chapter: 1

I didn't review this, either... I suck.


I love repetition. I love repetition. I love repetition. I love repetition. I love repetition. I love repetition. I love repetition. I love repetition. I love repetition. I love repetition. I love repetition. I love repetition. I love repetition. I love repetition.


Did I mention I love repetition? I love repetition.


I really liked this. The descriptions were lovely and painted a vivid picture. It's a sad storyline, but I do think it's a realistic one, and I love that.


In short: s0o0o0o0o0o0o gud

From: Zero

Email:

Date: 2008-03-03

Chapter: 1

One thing I love about repitition is the fact it emphasizes what the author is trying to say. You did this extremely well and it was very wonderful and inspiring.

Great job!

From: Vampire Princess

Date: 2008-03-03

Chapter: 1

wow it only took me forever to get the stupid wifi to work here XP anyways, that was really good! I enjoyed reading it and it brightened my day considerably, anyways...I'm stuck here in Pasadena till 5:50 (stupid college) I have to go to Japanese now, I'll be seeing ya! *hug*


-VP

From: Kelly

Date: 2008-03-03

Chapter: 1

holy fuck that as beautiful

From: Beneath This Smile

Date: 2008-03-02

Chapter: 1

Copy and paste. =)


My favorite lines:


"Maybe it's the dim street lights deepening the hollows of your body. Maybe it's the red glow lighting your eyes, making them flicker lazy lust and devious fire."


Those two lines lines made me all different kinds of happy. I have this image of this warmth and comfort, close and secure, but there's so much depth to it, with so many twists and turns. I feel like the 'lazy lust and devious fire' part really did it, and added another layer to it.


"You'll go back to darkened rooms and crystal monsters, praying for what you won't let yourself have back."


I think I already went into a more in-depth response to the lack of permanency in the email, but I just have to add on it; it's bittersweet - sad and sweet, all at the same time. It's fleeting - both know that it won't last forever, but it doesn't prevent them from soaking up that moment, regardless of the fact that it won't last. I love how you revealed the temporary comfort, with 'crystal monsters' and 'darkened rooms' - it plays all sorts of tricks with my mind, with delicious images.


Somehow, it still leaves the story with a hint of hope - it's like, they have this, even though tomorrow the narrator (who I've deemed as Mike, because I'm in a Mike/Rob mood at the moment) will bring others home with him, and no doubt the other will be lonely and sad. But still, they have this, which seems like it's enough for them both, for now.


Or maybe I'm just imagining all of that. =O


I <3 you so much for writing this. Like I said before, you're gonna kill me with your writing, lmfao. =) You did a wonderful job!

From: Lee

Date: 2008-03-02

Chapter: 1

Wow, for something so short, this was really powerful. The repetition made this a really interesting piece and even though whatever they're doing may hurt them, they're almost okay with that because they're with each other. Bittersweet.

From: chazzy kid

Date: 2008-03-02

Chapter: 1

that was great!! <33333

Reviews 1 to 10 of 10