Lil' standalone I just wrote based on Maroon 5's "Tangled"

Hopefully, I'll have the next chapter of "Dare" later tonight. I find with that story I write better at night.

Tangled

...I'm full of regret...

...For all things that I've done and said...

...And I don't know if it'll ever be ok to show...

...My face 'round here...

Slowly, I pull myself out of your arms. I blink back tears. I can’t cry. This was my doing. I brought this on myself. I don’t deserve you. You’re too perfect, too pure.

I willingly allowed myself to give into the temptations in front of me. I could make excuses for my actions, say that I didn’t want it at all. But I did. In that one instant, I didn’t even think of what I would be doing to you, to us. I’m a selfish asshole.

My plan was to leave you a note, to explain myself and to also get rid of some of this guilt I’ve forced upon myself. But staring at the bright white sheet of paper in front of me, I can’t bring myself to do it. I can’t bring myself to confess my sins to you. I know it would hurt you too much.

I never wanted to hurt you.

...There is nothing left to say to you...

...That you wanna hear...

...That you wanna know...

...I think I should go...

...The things I've done are way too shameful...

I sigh, pushing the paper away from me and dropping my pen. I stand slowly and walk over to the bed, sitting down carefully. I don’t want to wake you. I don’t want you to see me like this. My face is streamed with tears.

You groan in your sleep, tossing and turning for a moment before settling on your side, facing me. You look so innocent when you sleep. I wish I could stay. Stay and watch you all night long.

I remember one night, one of the first nights we were ever together, I stayed up all night just watching you. When you woke the next morning, my eyes were still on you and you blushed under my gaze. You asked how long I’d been watching you. I told you all night and you laughed like I was joking.

I wasn’t joking.

When we got together, it was like my life turned around completely. I’d been going through a rough patch of drinking, drugs, and groupies. I figured, I’m a rock star, why not live like one? You made me realize how fucked up that lifestyle was making me. And you turned it all around.

At least for a few months.

...You’re just innocent...

...A helpless victim of a spider's web...

...And I'm an insect...

...Going after anything that I can get...

A few weeks ago, I felt those urges again. I couldn’t help myself as I returned to my former ways, sleeping with anyone willing. You had no idea and I was too drunk to feel guilty. We were on tour then, and you were so busy you didn’t notice. Now that we’re home, with no drugs or alcohol around, I realize what I did. It hurts me to know I screwed around on you. You trusted me with all your heart. You loved me faithfully. I can see it in your eyes every morning when you wake me up with a kiss and every night when we’re in our bed, making love. Why couldn’t that have been enough for me?

I gaze over your body, from head to toe, taking in your naked glory. I just had to have you one last time before I go, no matter how selfish it seemed. I couldn’t live without seeing you under me, sweating in our exertion as we make love. I had to hear you moaning one more time. I made you moan like that, but I won’t anymore. Tonight is the last night I will ever see you like this.

I reach over, stroking your hair. The tears are still falling freely from my eyes and I can’t stop them no matter how hard I try. I’m having second thoughts about this. I just don’t want to leave you.

I need to stop thinking of myself for once and think of you. The sooner I leave, the sooner you can forget about me and find someone who will love you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I reluctantly pull my hand away from you and lean over to place a light kiss of your cheek before I get off the bed.

I wipe my eyes on my sleeve as I walk out of the room, looking back only when I reach the door. I needed to see you one last time.

It’s almost as if you can tell I’m watching you. You squirm around, getting more comfortable.

“Mmm, Ches...I love you.”

I have to bite my lip to keep a sob from escaping my lips. I always loved how you talked in your sleep. I used to tease you about it, but truthfully I found it to be the cutest thing. Before I change my mind, I close the door to your bedroom, softly so I don’t wake you. I walk down the hall and out of the house, getting into my car. Once inside, I cry. I cry for hours. I cry for us and I cry for you.

It’s only when I see the sun beginning to shine do I start my car. I have to leave before you wake. I look out my window at the house, remembering the good times we had. I can see your bedroom window from my car. I stare into it, almost willing you to wake up and see me and to come stop me. But you don’t.

It’s for the better anyway.

I slowly back out of your driveway, turning into the street. As I drive away, I look into the rearview mirror, seeing your house again and I whisper to myself.

“I love you too, Rob.”

...There is nothing left to say to you...

...That you wanna hear...

...That you wanna know...

...I think I should go...

...The things I've done are way too shameful...