DISCLAIMER: I don't own Linkin Park, but I do own (Ivy I will always own youuuu) the razor, yes, I own the razor. MINE MINE MINE! >=)

A/N: This is a stand-alone I wrote in the end of last year (2003) but I didn't like it, so I kept adding more and more to it and finally I sent it away to be judged by some colleges, yes I know, probably not the best choice to use but hey, I liked it at the time. I still like it.. kinda. =\ Well, enjoy!

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An End To All Ends

I slammed the wooden door on your tear-stained face and reached down to the lock to secure it. I heard you crying on the other side, heard your distressed voice cry out to me, felt your agonizing thrusts onto the door. It was all in vain. I looked around, these things would be the last thing I remember seeing, the last things to see past the woe of my troubled life. I look at the bed and remember the first time we started messing around. We were both drunk, so really, I don’t remember much. The sheets were soft and we had just come back from a drinking binge with the other guys, all of us were wasted and decided to catch some z’s. Since you and I were bunking, we just automatically went for the same bed under our intoxication. I laid down and closed my eyes, unaware of your unsteady presence next to me. I felt something heavy get on top of me and attempted to shove it off, the object didn’t move however and when I opened my wary eyes, I found your pale face within inches of my own. In moments, we were tumbling on the bedspread, laughing and giggling like little school girls. Your lips crashed into mine, and much to my surprise I granted your gasping tongue entrance to my mouth. We kissed and massaged each other for a while, before beginning to undress the other. In no time, we were both stripped down to our boxers and I moaned as I felt you grind your lean hips into my tan ones. It didn’t take long for us both to notice we were becoming aroused by this. Blushing slightly, we decided to end the romp and get ready for bed. I would never forget that night. I sighed, shaking the thought that there was ever a chance for us to be together from my head, I was too close, you couldn’t stop me this time. You had tried before, I remember this all too clearly. I looked up into your eyes, they were full of pain and glistening with tears. I frowned at you, showing my obvious discomfort at your angst. You grabbed my arm again and slowly rolled up the sleeve, illuminating what years of self-torture had left on my bruised body. Tears silently secreted from your worried eyes and you tried to speak, but I found no sounds come from your hollow mouth. Your bottom lip trembled, causing the lip ring to jounce around, as if on strings. I took a deep breath and gave you a hug, telling you it would all be alright. And you were right, someday it would all be alright. That day is today. Before I went into therapy (which was your idea), I had tried this once, tried to end it all, tried to make all the pain go away. I remember all the amazing times we had, the good and the bad. I remember when we first got the call from your manager, explaining your vocal capabilities. We were all so excited to finally be getting a lead singer. Who knew it would be you? When we first met, our conversation less than flowed, but right from the start, I knew I loved you. I saw you walk in, you practically glided on air. I stood rooted, my mouth agape, just staring in awe at your slender hips, perfectly spiked hair, and silver lip ring protruding from your pale pink lips. “Hiya!” I’ll never forget--those are the first words you ever said to me. I blinked and shook my head. That was the past, this is now. I felt the familiar pang of guilt wash over me in a steady flow as I broke down into heart-shattering sobs. My body heaved violently as I shook from tears. I dropped to my knees with a sickening thud and keeled over. The pain I felt was uncontrollable yet so inviting. I smiled to myself knowing the pain would soon leave me. I gave you the “famous Shinoda grin” knowing that you’d melt into my arms with just a single glance at me. My perverted mind was already thinking about all the lovely and sick things we would do tonight under the safety of the covers. I held you in my arms, just enjoying the scent that was you. I placed tiny kisses all over your face and arms, beginning a trail down your stomach. I licked inside your belly button, making you laugh and slightly push at my head. I came up and stared into your brown eyes, full of passion and excitement, I knew you were thinking the same thing as me. I felt myself fall in love with you all over again. My life could’ve ended just then, and I wouldn’t a care in the world, for I would’ve died with you, Chester, my love.

Your pounds became less violent and far fewer than before as you too broke down. Your black nails scratched on the wood as you fell to your knees outside the door, as if you believed you could somehow claw your way through. I sat up and reached for the knife already pre-placed in its’ position. I gripped the wooden handle and turned the blade over in my hand, the light above me glinting off the sharp metal. I took a deep breath and roughly brought the blade down to my fleshy wrist. I moaned as the blade cut away, revealing a river of red blood secreting from the new wound. I gently placed the knife beside me and watched the blood drain from my body, creating a small pool on the carpet. “Mike!” you called to me just off the stage. I bounced over to you, receiving a big hug and sloppy kiss from your hot sweaty lips. You took my hand and we went to the autographing booths to end our spectacular show. I held your head close to mine and whispered into your ear, “Chester, I love you.” I stepped back to watch your reaction, but was disappointed when I saw a look of hatred on your face. Confused, I tried to take your hand again, but you harshly shoved me away, “Mike you-your GAY!” you screamed at me and stormed off, leaving me teary eyed and still confused.

The blood flowed down my forearm and dripped evenly off my elbow. My arms became a great weight and I let them fall to either side of my heavy body. My breaths came in short gasps and involuntarily my body fell to the side. I never tried to push you away, it was always you who did the pushing. I never did anything but love you. We had sat down for tea, my eyes wandering about your seemingly deserted house, searching for some kind of answer as to why you had asked me here. It was obvious no one was home, including Draven. You sat down on the silk couch next to me, and I moaned as you ran your pale fingers through my spiked black hair. You started, and then abruptly got up and left, leaving me stunned and confused yet again. I heard some papers shuffle around in the other room and found myself spying on you. You were so cute when you were trying to hide something from me. You fidgeted through some more drawers before finding whatever it was that you had been so frantically searching for and returned with it. I had, by this time, returned myself to the couch. I looked up at you and flashed a smile as you handed me a piece of paper marked ‘Mike.’ “Don’t read it yet.” you told me. I slid the paper out of my pocket and slowly read through it. Plain and simple. There were 5 short words in your chicken scratch handwriting on it. “I love you too, Mike.” I slowly blinked back tears and in a sudden burst of frustration, tried to call for help, “Chester! Help! Help me!” I repeated. There was no response as I let my eyelids fall over my chocolate eyes one last time. A sense of peacefulness came over me and I knew it was almost over. My body felt numb as I tried to control what little actions I had left.

As if from a distance I heard the door slam open and I heard someone scream as it all faded out. ‘I’m sorry Chester, I love you.’ I thought as all sounds and feelings faded to one solid color; black. I had awaited this day with a heavy heart, knowing, at least hoping that you’ll miss Mr. Shinoda.

A/N: Okay, good, bad? There are no more chappys, it's a stand-alone, durr! Gehehe. And for questions about the font changes... the parts in italics were Mike remembering stuff.. make sense? No? I suck, I know. Gah, please review! This is my first stand-alone!