Title: Coffee House Blues

Author: hybridgurl

Rating: PG-13

Category: Angst

Summary: It seemed to be becoming one of his favourite pastimes lately; sit as silently as possible and watch the world move on, oblivious to your subtle gaze. Oblivious to your existence…

Disclaimer:If honestly owned LP believe me I would be doing something way more productive with my time than writing fan fiction ;)

A/N: The idea for this standalone came to me on Christmas Eve while I was sitting in a Coffee Shop and watching everyone running around madly, looking for last minute Christmas presents (and subsequently laughing at them cause I had all my shopping done lol) I don’t have a clue if this idea has been done before, but I tried to keep it original and not become a tired cliché. Anyways, here it is, constructive criticism is appreciated. I’m not too sure on the ending but tell me what you think. Enjoy…

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“Coffee House Blues”

He sat in the crowded café, an untouched cup of coffee in his hands, staring at the busy world through a glass barrier.

It was freezing outside, the worst weather LA had seen in years and he sat alone, clutching the warm up for comfort because he couldn’t bear to be outside.

Everything reminded him of the past six months, the past six months that he was trying so hard to forget.

He pulled his baseball cap down a little further so it masked his face as he noticed a young boy staring in the large window at him, an all too familiar name printed on the dark material of the t-shirt he was wearing.

He watched as the boy discarded his presence as a mistaken identity and left the window.

A small, melancholic smile graced his features and a sigh escaped his lips.

It had been six months.

Six whole months and people were still talking about him – about them.

Six months and only now were the media beginning to get tired of them and move on to other stories.

Only now were their faces slowly slipping from the front pages of the tabloids and scandal magazines.

Only now were they beginning to be forgotten.

Slowly he brought the cup to his lips and took a sip, grimacing as the now cold liquid spilled down his throat. He placed the cup on the table, not bothering with its contents anymore and went back to staring at the world through the window.

It seemed to be becoming one of his favourite pastimes lately; sit as silently as possible and watch the world move on, oblivious to your subtle gaze.

Oblivious to your existence.

“Do you want a refill?”

The voice made him jump slightly as it broke his thoughts and he diverted his gaze from the window to the waitress who was standing beside him, coffee pot in hand, tapping her left foot impatiently on the worn wooden floor. He muttered a small “please” and she obliged, spilling the cold remnants of his white cup into a nearby plant pot and refilling it with more of the hot liquid.

“It’s on the house – you look like you’ve had a bad day,” She stated simply, erasing the questioning puzzlement on his face.

“More like bad year” He mumbled, avoiding her eyes as she studied his face, one of her dark eyebrows raised.

“Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?” She took a step back and regarded him for a moment before moving closer and once more studying his face.

“You look exactly like…”

She paused and trained her blue eyes on his dark ones. Her mouth formed a small “oh” and he put a finger to his lips, that one action asking she remain silent and not blow his cover.

She nodded in unspoken understanding and a sad smile fixed itself on her lips that were stained a deep red.

She placed the coffee pot on the table and he watched as she slipped into the empty chair opposite him.

She was tall, with shoulder length black and red hair, a small silver stud in her nose and dressed in the mandatory “Al’s Coffee” uniform which consisted of a white dress and matching apron with the logo writing scrawled across the bottom in a messy red font.

Black boots and black and red stripy tights gave her an eccentric look that was amplified by the various bracelets and chains dripping from her arms.

A red pencil rested on her right ear.

They sat in silence for a few minutes and judging from the smile and the obvious sympathy in her eyes she was well aware of his current situation, but then again he was pretty sure everyone in the world knew by now.

“What happened Mike?”

Her voice was soft and he raised his eyes from the cup of fresh coffee in his hands and looked at her.

It had been along time since he had heard that question.

He sighed and offered her a weak smile;

“Sometimes I ask myself the same question…”

“That bad, huh?”

He took a sip of coffee.

“It’s a long story”

She glanced at her watch.

“Well today’s your lucky day – my break just stared about two minutes ago…y’know sometimes it helps to talk”

“You sound like my therapist”

She laughed then, a short burst of sound. Something he hadn’t done in awhile.

“Well I promise to lay off the psycho-babble if you decide to share, I was a big fan y’know”

His eyes followed her movements as she turned around and lifted her hair to reveal a small tattoo on the back of her neck. He swallowed hard as he recognised his own artwork staring back at him in the form of a small solider.

A memory resurfaced of the day he had drawn it but he pushed it back, unwilling to let the past encase him once more.

“Man, I loved you guys – I had all the cd’s, all the posters, saw you twice when you played here two years ago”

She smiled that sad smile again

“Not a day went by when I didn’t listen to you guys – God, even after all these months I cant forget. I still listen to you – you can’t just pretend such a great band never existed, you just can’t” She sighed and looked out the window, eyes void of emotion – clear like the winter sky outside.

“You didn’t deserve the comments, you didn’t deserve the discrimination…it wasn’t any surprise to the fans, you know we supported you – you were both happy, you still made great music, so we were happy. You didn’t deserve the media backlash at all…I understood what you felt for each other, we all did and we would’ve continued to support you no matter what” She shook her head.

“But like you said yourself – everything has to end right?”

He smiled at her then and she rolled her eyes.

“I know, I know – cheesy, but it’s true”

“I guess so,” He said, eyes drifting over the busy street outside.

He looked on as a woman scolded her child outside for some reason unbeknownst to him before looking back at his now silent companion.

His eyes floated towards her nametag.

“Colie”

He let the word roll off his tongue and frowned.

“I don’t know why, but I pictured you as a Raven…or a Lydia…”

“Lydia?” She arched an eyebrow and grinned.

Her laughter made him smile and in that one instant he wanted to tell her everything.

He wanted to spill every love, every hate, every argument, every word to this girl, who couldn’t have been anymore than twenty two, that he had known for the past five minutes, in some dingy café where the decoration sucked but the coffee was perfect while the world moved on outside, unaware that right before it’s eyes an ex-rock star was reliving the one thing that destroyed him.

“Hey, how long have you got a break for?” He asked taking another mouthful from the cup in front of him.

“About an hour, why?”

Her eyes followed his movements as he placed the cup on the table.

It made a gentle “clink” as the ceramic connected with the wooden surface.

“How would you like to hear a story?”

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“Life was good, life was better than good. Not a day went by when I didn’t realise how lucky I was. I mean I had everything. Meteora was doing great in the charts, my own label was taking off…the fans were happy. You asked me what went wrong – looking back now I don’t really know myself what caused it to fall apart. Arrogance? Close-mindedness? Jealousy?” He shrugged.

“Beats the hell out of me. All I know is that one minute I was actually convinced it could last forever – the next I’m running into a public toilet to hide from the media” He chuckled then, eyes on the dark swirling liquid in the cup.

“Life was perfect for awhile but then slowly my perfect life began to deteriorate. I started having problems. Maybe it was the stress of touring; maybe it was the constant presence of the same five faces day after day, week after week. Maybe it was living on the bus, I don’t know. Things just started getting hard.

Stupid as it sounds, I started to feel isolated from them. I began to feel better, calmer, when I was alone.

The best feeling in the world is being able to scream into silence and knowing it’ll never answer back, never judge. I kidded myself into thinking that all I needed was some rest, some time to myself – unaware that while I was doing that I was sinking deeper, falling faster, to the bottom.

Then he saved me…”

“Chester?” Colie asked and he nodded, fixing his chocolate coloured eyes on hers.

“Let me ask you a question. Do you believe in love at first sight?”

She shrugged and pushed a stray strand of dark hair behind her ear.

“I never was one for romance like that” She replied truthfully.

“Understand, I’m not talking about the sort of divine revelation you see in the movies where suddenly the rain stops, the sun shines, birds start singing and music blares while the fireworks explode. I’m talking about how in one second you just get a little too close and your eyes meet and in that tiny moment you know things will never be the same again”

He ran a hand over the table’s surface while Colie absorbed his words, her stomach flitting with the feeling he put behind them.

“Was that how it was with him?”

He gave that small, sad smile again.

“That’s exactly how it was with him. One minute we were just friends, the next I’m doing everything I can to stop the butterflies in my stomach”

She grinned,

“I don’t know about you, but I never pictured you as a hopeless romantic”

He chuckled quietly again.

“I never used to be, believe me”

He let his eyes wander towards the large window but her soft voice brought his attention back to the conversation.

“How did it begin? When did you realise?”

He shook his head.

“I can’t remember the time, or the place, or what I was doing. It’s all a blur, and when I try to remember it just becomes more distorted. All I can recollect was the way he moved as he sat beside me and asked me if I was okay because I had been acting “weird” lately. He wanted to know if I needed to talk.

All I can remember is the way he looked at me with so much worry in his eyes, so much concern in his voice. I broke down right in front of him then. I told him everything because I couldn’t keep it inside anymore. In a way he was like the silence. He just sat there, his arm around my shaking shoulders. He didn’t judge. He didn’t tell me I was weak. He just sat there, whispering softly to me and telling me how everything would be okay because I was strong and I had him to help me through it.

Our eyes met then. I’ll never forget that moment. For that second I knew what it meant to be breathless…Everything slowed down as our eyes locked. Then he lent forward so slightly, kissed me and it was perfect. It wasn’t weird or strange…it just felt right…”

He sighed and closed his eyes for a second as the memory of lips on lips washed over him and Colie couldn’t help the dreamy smile that caught her face.

“After that, everything changed”

“What about the others?” Her voice was gentle.

He let the past few months flash through his mind before he answered the waitress.

“We hid it as best as we could – we never wanted it to get in the way of the music. I guess in a way we were afraid to let it progress for both our sakes, for the band…for the fans…but gradually things got more…advanced”

He paused and Colie grinned at the soft blush that spread across his cheeks, making him look more like a young child than a man who had accomplished so much in his short lifespan.

“Gradually the quick kisses, stolen touches, and sweet nothings weren’t enough. I needed him more than every three months when we managed to check into a hotel where we didn’t have to room with someone else. He captivated me. To me, everything about him was a work of art. I couldn’t get enough of him…I still can’t”

The last three words were said quietly and Colie couldn’t help the heartache that washed over her when she noticed the obvious pain in his eyes.

He concealed it quickly with a neutral, blank expression and locked her out.

“How did they find out?” She pressed gently.

“In the worst possible way. We were going to tell them – we had it all planned out and everything. We already knew they suspected something was up and we figured it was better to be honest with them than have them assume anything else.

It was just after we had filmed Live in Texas. I was in the dressing room when he walked in. We had played a great show. We were buzzed and hadn’t really spent much time together in the past week. One thing led to another and we kissed just as Brad and Joe walked in the door.

Funny thing was, we were so caught up in each other we didn’t even notice they were there until Brad started screaming. He freaked out. He turned on me, started shouting”

Colie could see it was hard for him as he waded through the memories.

Once or twice she was convinced she saw a small amount of guilt flashed in those pain stricken eyes.

His voice was starting to shake and her heart went out to him.

Slowly she reached out and placed a pale hand over his tanned one.

“He started pushing me, wanting to know why I was destroying his dream…our dream. Then he did something that I never thought he’d do – he punched me in the face and called me a faggot. My fucking best friend called me a faggot” He smiled bitterly and met her eyes with his own.

“That hurt a lot more than the punch…a lot more…”

“And he told the others?” She questioned, completely lost in his story. She felt as if she were there, witnessing everything as he spoke.

He confirmed her question with a slight nod of his head.

“What about Joe?”

“In the end Joe had to grab him and restrain him before he beat me to death. Surprisingly Joe didn’t judge or condemn. He just grabbed Brad and shouted at us to run. Needless to say, we took his advice. Things started going downhill from that point on”

“In what way?” She asked before she could stop herself.

“The media found out somehow, we were all over the papers. The whole group mentality consisted of hostility – the fights got more frequent and in some cases, more violent”

He took another drink from the cup and Colie noticed there was a tiredness to his movements – as if each breath was a chore he wished he didn’t have to do.

“We tried to keep the band going, for the music, the fans, for everything we once had, but it was too much of a struggle. Everything was forced. Even the songs sounded fake. We decided we couldn’t carry on like that. We would’ve preferred to leave the kids with the songs that meant something than just empty lyrics and unheartfelt guitars. We would’ve preferred to leave them with a memory they could hold onto than a pathetic band with no regard for the perception of the world.

It was December 2003, on a dark afternoon when Linkin Park was laid to rest. It was the same day that both he and I called it quits. We couldn’t continue, not when we knew it was our relationship that killed the dream.

When I looked at him I saw too many memories of all that could have been. When I looked at him I saw a dream destroyed”

Colie couldn’t help the tears that were streaming down her face.

She watched as he brushed away one of his own.

He had changed so much since they were at the peak of their success.

His eyes no longer sparkled like they used to, he didn’t smile much now and when he did it never reached his eyes. His hands were worn, his personality faded.

Looking at him now, Colie couldn’t see the charismatic rock star.

Looking at him now, Colie only saw a lost child who was suffering because of a deadly disease named love.

She wanted to ease his pain, but she knew what little comfort she could offer him would never relieve the weight upon his heart.

He raised the cup to his lips and finished his drink as she absent-mindedly wiped away her tears with the corner of her apron.

Outside it was beginning to snow.

She frowned as her boss shouted at her that her break had been over ten minutes ago but she didn’t care – there was one last thing she needed to know.

She faced him and he looked back at her, answering before she had the chance to poise her final question.

“I still love him – not a day goes by when I don’t think of him”

Colie nodded in understanding, sighing as her boss shouted at her again.

She slowly rose to her feet and he followed suit. They walked to the till in silence.

“How much do I owe you?” He asked, putting his hand in his pocket to retrieve some money and she smiled as she slipped in behind the till.

“It’s on the house. Like I said before, you look like you’ve had a bad day”

He smiled then and for a second Colie thought she saw the elusive glimmer of his former self.

“Thanks” He replied softly.

“For what?”

“For not judging”

She nodded and sighed sadly.

“I guess this is goodbye then, huh?”

He smiled again.

“Everything has to end”

“I know – I just wish we had the time left to watch it all unwind”

“Maybe one day we will”

He turned and made his way to the door, eyes fixed on the polished wood beneath his feet.

He muttered a quiet apology as he accidentally walked into someone.

Colie watched until he disappeared out into the falling snow, before fixing her attentions on her new customer.

“What’ll it be?” She asked.

“The usual”

“He still loves you y’know,” She said over her shoulder as she made a fresh pot of coffee.

“I know”

“Then why don’t you do something about it?"

“It’s complicated”

She turned around, handed him a cup of fresh coffee and then gave him a sceptical look.

“How is it?”

“He’s moved on…I don’t want to mess it all up”

She shook her head as he walked over to his usual table, in front of the window where he could play one of his favourite games. Sit as silently as possible and watch the world move on, oblivious to your subtle gaze.

Oblivious to your existence.

She leaned against the counter, eyes not leaving his frame as she whispered softly;

“Oh Chaz, if only you knew…”

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A/N: Review?