Category Linkin Park
Crimson Stains
Chapter 1
Crimson Stains
by Shadow Graffiti
A/N: This was on my mind, so I wrote it, and I decided I liked it… hehe, so here, I’m posting it!! ^.^ It’s not a series or anything, don’t worry… but I had writers block on my other stories, and needed to write something. Enjoy!!
Chapter 1
“WHY?!” I screamed, pounding my fist into the wall. It didn’t hurt… it never did. It couldn’t hurt. No matter how I tried, I couldn’t not bring myself to pain… They made sure of it. They did this to me… she did this to me… everyone did this to me…
Crying out, I fell to my knees, bitter tears spilling down my cheeks, but I didn’t bother to stop them. I didn’t have the will. I stopped trying long ago… I don’t know how long it’s been. I don’t care either. Somewhere around a year, I think they told me, but I don’t give a shit. I just want to die…
In a way, I am dead. I am nothing but a hollow shell, lifeless. I drown myself in my own thoughts and I shut myself away. They thought they were the reason for my reclusion, especially her, but they are not why. I blame them for much else, but not this…
I brought this upon myself. Fourteen years ago, this became my fault. Fourteen years, I tormented myself, and yet, I hid it behind a simple smile. I locked myself away; I didn’t speak to people, because I was afraid. He found me, though… and he told me he’d always be there for me…
I fell to my knees, grasping at my head, trying to knot my fingers in my hair. It was too short, though… they always kept it like that just so that I couldn’t hurt myself. Didn’t they know that I needed the pain?!
Instead, sobs began to rack my body. Despair was my only emotion… for days at a time, I would simply sit, locking myself into my own world, where I was forgotten. I didn’t respond to anyone or anything. I hid inside my shell… and the only time I broke that shell was times like this one. I got to my feet only to scream… only to burst into tears once more, falling to the floor, trying to waste away into nothing. I want to curl away and be no longer. I am not alive… my mind died long ago, and it longs to be free… but it is bound to this body, and until I can leave my corpse behind, I’m trapped.
Without him, I’m hollow. I let myself become like this, because when he told me he’d always be there for me, I believed him. Hell, I believed every word…
“But where are you now, Mike?!” I screamed, curling into a ball, rocking back and forth, tears spilling down my face. “Where are you now?!”
~*~
I remember the day I first saw him… when I first met him. I was walking down the street, dreading my destination. It frightened me… he came up behind me, though, which nearly scared me shitless.
“Hi!” he beamed, and I raised an eyebrow, trying to hide how much he’d startled me. “Mike Shinoda!” He extended a hand, still smiling.
“Brad Delson,” I replied, taking it tentatively.
“Its your first day too, right?” he asked, and I nodded. “Sorry, I’m kinda freaked out, so I wanted to at least know one person before I got to school… is there something on my face?”
I suddenly realized I’d been staring. I was confused… it was another guy! Why was I so fascinated in how he looked?! Why was I losing myself in his eyes? Why was I melting in his laugh? Why was I so entranced with his smile…?
I didn’t want to admit it to myself. I told myself we were just friends… simple boys who were best friends. He was just like the friends I had left behind!
For a year, I made up excuses. For a year, I denied it over and over. The summer after seventh grade, his family went to Europe, and I didn’t see him, but thought about him often. We wrote letters to eachother, and for some reason, I felt my heart swell and begin to beat faster every time I saw my name in the familiar handwriting on the envelope. I denied it, though… it couldn’t be true…
Then, on the first day of eighth grade, I saw him again. He ran up the street to catch me, just like the previous year. The second his hand connected with my shoulder, I felt a jolt course through my whole body. I felt I could not tear my eyes from his face as he tried to catch his breath. When he embraced me, saying it was good to see me, I didn’t want to let go. Happiness consumed me every time I was with him, and finally, I realized that I could not hie the truth from myself any longer…
I was gay. And I was inlove with my best friend.
We remained friends throughout our first years in highschool. We took guitar lessons together, and he told me that I was amazing when I was on it. That, more than anything, motivated me to learn guitar like no other. I was so happy when I was with him, because it felt like I had a reason to live. I had a reason to be. I had a reason to exist.
That reason was him.
When we were apart, though, everything was different. I began to fall into depression, because I realized I was chasing someone I could never have. He had a girlfriend, for crying out loud! He would never love me…
I tried to make myself see him only as a friend. I tried not to hang out with him as much… I locked myself in my room, and every now and then, I’d even cut. I made up more and more excuses as to why I couldn’t go to a party with him, or why I couldn’t drive to Malibu with his family for the weekend…
And just as I had planned, he began to drift away. Everything was the way I wanted it to be… so why did it hurt so much?
It was our last year in highschool when I realized who his new friends were. Mike was running with the bad crowd… the ones that broke into houses and cars… I realized I had to pull him out of it. People from that crowd died doing what they did… I couldn’t let that happened to Mike!
So I started talking to him again. I brought him back. And every feeling I had forced from my mind came rushing back. It was then that I realized I was never going to escape.
I didn’t want anyone to know. Ever. I began asking girls out, to the movies and to the school dances. I even had a couple “serious” girlfriends… well, they considered it serious. To me, it was all an act. I didn’t seem suspicious, though… at least Mike wouldn’t find out…
When college came, we went out seperate ways. Mike went to art school while I saught to be a lawyer. I kept a picture of him beside my bed… of course, it was a picture of both of us, just so my roommate wouldn’t wonder at it… but I still loved it. I loved staring into Mike’s eyes, getting lost in them, even though it was only a photograph…
So when Mike called me up, asking if I wanted to be in his band, I was more than willing.
After that, everything flew by as a rush. Rob, a drummer I had played with in highschool, and a base player named Phoenix who I had met in college joined as well. Mike brought his friend from college named Joe, and after about a year, we found Chester. We became Hybrid Theory, and not much later, we became Linkin Park.
I learned to ignore the feelings I got when I was with Mike. I acted like he was my best friend, and nothing more. He and Chester talked constantly, seeing as they were lyricists. I would listen in sometimes, when they asked for my advice, and I couldn’t help but notice the way Mike would stare at Chester. There was a bond between them that could not be broken… a level of trust that I had once shared with him. I had abandoned Mike, though… I had drifted away from him. Chester hadn’t hurt him yet. Maybe that was why he trusted our vocalist so much. I couldn’t fight back the pain, though. During tours, after spending day after day with him, I found myself crying until I fell asleep. I just wanted Mike to be with me…
~*~
I screamed again, clasping my hands over my ears, trying to dig my fingers into my skin. Not only did they cut my hair, but they clipped my nails… for the first week, I had been able to cut myself, but now, they were never long enough. Instead, my fingertips just pressed against my skull, infuriating me even more. Pain exploded through me… the mental pain that I couldn’t get away from. I just wanted it to go way… I wanted to feel Mike’s warm arms encircle my body and hold me close… I wanted to hear him whisper in my ear that everything would be alright…
“Mr. Delson!” one of the nurses had apparently burst into my room. I recognized her voice… she was the one who stayed and talked to me. She crossed the room to put her hands on my shoulders, but I shied away from her, still screaming. “Mr. Delson, please, calm down! It’s okay…”
“No… no…” I shook my head, crying out my denials. No, nothing was okay… Unless it was Mike sitting next to me, then nothing was okay. Nothing would ever be okay…
The sounds of childhood laughter rang in my ears, tormenting my soul. I heard his voice, things he’d said in seventh grade up to the last time I saw him. It flitted in and out, the pain I felt drowning the sounds out, cutting it off abruptly and then allowing it to torment me again.
“Mr. Delson, please!” the nurse begged with me, rubbing a hand across my back. I covered my face with my hands, curling into a ball on the floor, and began sobbing. I couldn’t hold back the pain. I’d never been able to hold it back. Emotions poured out of me with a force that tore my mind to pieces… ate away at my mentality…
That was why I was here. They put me hear because of what I’d become. When I had lost Mike, I lost my mind too.
~*~
“Hey Brad!” Mike called, pulling back the curtain of my bunk. Instantly, I rolled over and pulled a pillow over my head. Laughing, he poked me in the ribs, and I shivered at his touch. Automatically, I cam up with an excuse as to why I couldn’t stand to have him touch me…
“Stop… that tickles…” I groaned, pulling the pillow tighter over my head.
“Then get up! It’s past noon! Besides, I want you to read over some lyrics for me,” he replied gleefully, and I felt my chest swell. He wanted me to read his lyrics?
“Why don’t you have Chester do it?” my voice was the complete opposite of what I was feeling. I tried to sound bored and uninterested, and sadly, that was extremely hard.
“Because I wrote it about us,” Mike gave a small laugh. “Well, I mean, about our friendship. Actually, I wrote this as an idea back when we first drifted apart…
I sat up, thoroughly interested. Mike grinned at me, then shoved a piece of paper under my nose. At the top was the title ‘In the End’. I began scanning down the words, drinking them in, letting the feeling sink in. Mike had wrote this about me… about our friendship?
‘I wasted it all,
Just to watch you go.
I kept everything inside,
And even though I tried,
It all fell apart.
What it meant to me,
Will eventually be,
A memory of a time when…
I tried so hard,
And got so far,
But in the end,
It doesn’t even matter.
I had to fall,
To lose it all,
But in the end,
It doesn’t even matter.’
“H-how is this… our friendship?” I stammered, trying to understand. Mike blushed slightly, but still smiled.
“Well… I mean… I wanted us to stay friends. I always saw you as the greatest friend I’d ever had, and I tried hard to keep it that way. But no matter how hard I tried, you still slipped away…”
Before he could say anything more, I pulled him into a hug. Mike laughed a little and hugged me back, and I wanted to stay that way forever. Feeling him in my arms… it was so strange, like he was right there, but he was so far away. There was a wall between us, one that only friendship could get through, but Love could not. He would never be there the way I wanted him to be. I just wanted him to be next to me… I wanted to be able to rest my head on his shoulder when I cried, or to fall asleep in his arms each night… I just wanted him to be there…
I didn’t know how much more I could take.
~*~
Sedated. Again. That was how it always ended. They’d call my wife every time I burst into a fit, and she’d rush over. She’d try to talk to me, but I don’t have the will to talk back. I don’t even hear what she says. Before my eyes dance the memories, blocking me from all the world. I’ll see Mike… I’ll see him before my eyes, and I reach out to it. I scream for it. I need him to be there… I need him to be with me! I can’t live without him… knowing the eyes I loved so much will never hold my gaze again… knowing that something I say will never again reveal the smile that defined the very person he was…
And eventually, they give up. I don’t blame them. Maybe someday, I’ll be able to tell them that. Not now, though…
Why did it come to this?! Why didn’t I see it coming?! Why… so many questions, but no answers. No one could tell me why. I was left to drown in regret, letting the emotion build up inside till I could hold it no longer, where it spilled out from my eyes in a bleeding sorrow. I should have known something like this would happen… I should’ve hidden away… for god’s sake, why didn’t I just kill myself?! That would have ended my sufferring… then, I would be able to rest.
But no. I went on. I tried to brave seeing him day after day. I was so stupid… surrounding myself in a false happiness. How it came to this, I’ll never know. Why I’m still here, I can never guess. Why he isn’t here with me…
It’s my fault. Hell, everything is my fault.
Sometimes, I wonder if I’ll ever be whole again. I’m empty… hollow… there is nothing anymore. I wonder if anyone remembers how I used to be. I used to laugh, I used to smile, I used to be truly alive…
Now, I can’t even function on my own. And I don’t care. I just wonder why they don’t leave me, and let me die. I wouldn’t go on if it were up to me. I wouldn’t be alive. Why do they hold onto the hope that one day, I’ll want to live again?! Why?!
~*~
‘I don’t know whats worth fighting for,
Or why I have to scream,
I don’t know why I instigate,
And say what I don’t mean.
I don’t know how I got this way,
I know it’s not alright,
So I’m breaking the habit,
Tonight.’
“That’s awesome, Mike,” I told my friend. In reality, that was the understatement of the year… that song completely blew me away! It described everything I felt… What was I fighting for, anyway? Mike? I couldn’t have him. Without him, there was no life… And why am I this way?! Why is it that I love my best friend?!
I wish I could break the habit. Oh, how I wish I could be just like them… carefree, living the life they’ve always dreamed of…
“Hey, if I tell you something, you have to promise not to get mad, m’kay?”
It took me a second to realize that Mike was talking to me. Turning to him, I smiled, but he looked nervous. He was fidgeting around, not meeting my gaze, acting sheepish…
That was exactly how I started to act every time I tried to tell Mike how I really felt. A strange feeling began to bubble inside me… an anticipation… maybe, just maybe…
“Sure, go ahead,” I tried to keep my voice from shaking. In this moment, my every dream could come true… ‘Please, don’t let me be dreaming…’
“I… well… um… back in highschool, you know…”
“Yeah…” I was starting to shake. He still wouldn’t meet my gaze, and I could still feel the hope in me rising. Was this really happening…?
“When we started to drift apart…”
“Yeah…” Hope was ringing through me, bringing an undeniable joy. Three simple words were all he had to say, and my entire life would finally mean something to me. I would be with him… the dream I’d held since I was only a boy would come true, and I would be with Mike. I could hug him every time I wanted, just to feel his body in my arms, and his warm embrace around me… every night, when I awoke, I wouldn’t be reaching into the darkness. Finally, he would replace that darkness… When I woke up crying out his name, he would actually be there. Happiness was exploding inside me, tears of joy threatening to fall. ‘Come on, Mike… come on…’
“Well…” he sucked in a deep breath of air, as if trying to find the right words. I felt like I was going to burst… I just wanted him to tell me… to say it and make everything I’ve ever fought for mean something…
“Iknewyouwerecuttingyourself!”
It came out so fast that I had to rerun it in my head several times. Once I did, though, a horrible, sinking dissapointment fell over me. I felt my stomach dropping, and tears began to sting my eyes. I thought… I thought this would’ve been it… that maybe we could have been together…
No. He just happened to be staring at my arms.
“S-so how does this… fit in the song?” I asked, trying to keep the sob from my voice. Mike let out a huge sigh of relief, grinning widely and finally meeting my gaze. I tried my best to smile back at him, but really, I just wanted to curl up and fade away… I felt like I had a hollow spot in my stomach where he had been…
“No one thought twice about how often you stayed locked up in your room, you know? Like:
‘You all assume,
I’m safe here in my room,
Unless I try to start again…’
“And I could always tell when you were going to break down, because… well, just watching you, I knew. I knew the hard days, like the lines here:
‘I hurt much more,
Than any time before,
I had no options left again…’
“Just… I kinda tried to write it about you. Truth was, I was scared for you, but I thought you hated me, so… well… I could never do anything about it.” I was shocked, to say the least. Mike had been worried about me? Even when we had drifted apart, he had still wanted to be there for me…
I tried to tell myself that it was a good thing. But the horrible, sinking dissapointment was drowning everything out, letting my heart crumble away. I felt like I could puke… I wanted to get away, and at the same time, I wanted to be there with someone I could never be with.
I thought that I could’ve finally gotten my secret out. I thought that I would finally have taken that load off my shoulders. I had been wrong.
“Why did you think I hated you?” I asked softly, and he gave a small laugh.
“You used every excuse in the book to avoid being with me, Brad. Honestly, I was gonna figure it out sooner or later. I… I just never knew why…”
It was the perfect moment. It was all right. ‘I didn’t avoid you because I hated you, Mike. I avoided you because I loved you.’ That was all I had to say. And I was going to. I opened my mouth, ready to tell him everything… ready to spill the secret that had been living inside me for so long…
“MIKE! I FIGURED OUT A BRIDGE!”
Chester came skidding into the room and immediately shoved a piece of paper at Mike, who read it aloud.
“ ‘I don’t want to be the one,
The battles always choose,
‘Cause inside I realize,
That I’m the one confused.’
“Chaz, thats awesome!” he cried, standing up and hugging the blonde. Chester squealed like a little girl, then went dancing out of the room, singing the chorus at the top of his lungs (which is quite loud, I might add). Mike just laughed and shook his head, then turned to me.
“What were you gonna say, Brad?” he asked, but I knew I couldn’t tell him now. And quite possibly, I could never tell him. Instead, I just shook my head and left the room, praying he didn’t see the tears that ran down my face, or hear the sobs I could not longer hold back…
~*~
“Memories consume,
Like opening the wound,
I’m picking me apart again.
You all assume,
I’m safe her in my room,
Unless I try to start again…”
I found myself singing the song that matched my life more than any other. Nurses and doctors would stop before my room just to watch me for a moment. When they returned to their work, they had a smile on their face. I supposed it was because they thought this was a good sign…
That was so far from the truth, I almost laughed. Almost.
“That’s my favorite song off the album.”
It was the nurse that had tried to calm me down. The one that I actually enjoyed listening to. She had brought in some flowers and was placing them in the vase next to my bed, smiling sweetly.
My mind was a state of turmoil, though. I could not reply to her. I just kept singing that song.
“I don’t want to be the one,
The battles always choose,
‘Cause inside I realize,
That I’m the one confused.”
It was only a matter of seconds before I realized she was singing along with me. She had a pretty voice… it gave the song an odd edge, much different from when Chester sang it. Still, though, I did not say anything. I just stared straight ahead, my knees drawn to my chest, arms wrapped around them, rocking myself back and forth. That was how I always stayed.
“That song reminds me of when I was young,” she told me, but didn’t wait for a reply. Sometimes, I believe she understood me most, because she didn’t treat me like all the others. She wasn’t discouraged when I didn’t say anything to her… I think she knew I heard her, but also knew that I was not going to reply. “I was always in my room, writing away… sad, dark stories usually. But I was always in there, so everyone assumed I must’ve been happy. I won’t go into what I did sometimes, but I was most definately misunderstood… always wondering why I did fight to go on.” She gave a small laugh. “But being alone so much sure gave me a lot of time to study. Medical school seemed like the most obvious thing in the world to me afterwards. And now, I get to spend every day boring unfortunate patients like you to death with my life story.” She chuckled again, and had it been different standards, I would’ve laughed too. Sadly, though, I didn’t have the strength to laugh.
“I’ll paint it on the walls,
‘Cause I’m the one at fault,
I’ll never fight again,
And this is how it ends.”
I continued singing, and she joined me again. Then, stepping in front of me so that she was in my line of vision, she smiled.
“It’s nice to hear your voice, you know. Any day you want someone to sing with, just ask for Nurse Ginny!” With that, she left the room, but I didn’t let my gaze follow her. I just stared straight ahead, as I always did, still singing to myself.
“I don’t know what’s worth fighting for,
Or why I have to scream…”
~*~
Touring. It was Heaven. And it was Hell. Every day spent with the man I loved… and yet, every day, I was reminded that I could never have him. Shows were my release… my only release. I played guitar as if every riff was a scream… I let out my frusteration, my anger, and my undying sadness. After each show, I was always left with a state of calm, soothing my soul. Then, I would see Mike… I would hear him laugh, and I’d remember everything I felt. Life would come crashing down once more, and I could do nothing but hide away and scream.
After the Summer Sanitarium, I married my long-time girlfriend… at least I had someone there. She was inlove with me as far as I could tell, and I saw her as one of my best friends. She was gorgeous, even I could tell that. And she always made me laugh. I didn’t love her like a wife, but she was there for me. That knowledge was enough. For the time being, at least…
Then, it was back to touring. Out of the country touring, too. I spent day after day locking up my feelings. Dear god, it hurt so much, but there was no other way. I had to take it. And I was going to take it. I’d made it through before, and I’d make it through again…
That was until one, fateful afternoon when Mike agreed to do an interview. I had nothing to do, so I tagged along. They said they’d interview us both, so we both sat in the room, waiting for the bombardment of questions we’d already been asked 1000 times.
“I hate interviews…” I groaned, slumping down in my chair. “Bob yells at me if I say ‘like’…”
“Yeah, I was wondering why you never said ‘like’ in the interviews!” Mike laughed, and I glared darkly at him. “They don’t bother me too much.”
“Yeah, how come you’re always Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky in every friggin’ interview?!” I groaned, sitting up straight, and Mike just laughed. “Oh, I forgot, you’re Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky 24/7… which I don’t understand, seeing as you sleep a hell of a lot less then I do, and I’m a crab all day long!”
“Brad, I think you have role’s reversed… I’m supposed to be dissing you, not you dissing you!” Mike said, then burst out laughing. I glared and shoved his shoulder, then crossed my arms over my chest and pretended to pout.
“You two fight like brothers,” the interviewer, a friendly looking lady, greeted us. Instantly, we both sat up straight, and she laughed.
“Well, we’re a lot like brothers, I guess,” I shrugged, then grinned at Mike. He nodded as the woman began writing it down.
“Yup, we fight with eachother like brothers, we talk with eachother like brothers, we love eachother like brothers…”
I don’t know why, but just being there when he said that… I finally cracked. My entire body just seemed to be crumbling away, the barricades of my mind crashing around me… Reality smashed into thousands of pieces, screaming in my ears, suddenly blocking out the whole world. I began to shake, a feeling of numb decending over me…
He saw me as a brother, nothing more. Why couldn’t he see me the way I saw him?! WHY?!
I wanted to scream bloody murder. I wanted to leap from my chair, throw the door open, and run forever. I didn’t ever want to look back… I just wanted to get away, far away where I wouldn’t have to live day after day hiding in the shadows. I wanted to take off the mask I wore every day… I wanted people to see me for who I really was!
The interview lasted forever. I complained of a sore throat to get out of questions, and to disguise my voice cracking. My mind was screaming at me… I couldn’t face Mike. I couldn’t listen to his voice. I couldn’t stand hearing him laugh. I couldn’t take knowing that he was right there, but he was so far away…
“I’m going to go for a walk,” was all I told him when it was over. Then, I took off down the street, ignoring whatever he was calling after me. I just ran… ran like I had wanted to do for so long. I ran until I felt needles in the back of my throat, and it became hard to swallow. Even then, though, I didn’t stop. I couldn’t stop.
Before long, I found myself in a local park, by the water’s edge of the pond. I finally slowed, panting heavily, tears running down my face. The despair… the torture… the hiding… it was just too much! I didn’t want to live like this anymore… I didn’t want to hide who I really was. I wanted them to see me for me, and I wanted Mike… I wanted Mike to be there. More than just a brother.
“WHY?!” I screamed as loud as I possibly could. From around the pond, I heard the flapping of startled geese as they took to flight. I didn’t care, though… I just let the sound of my anger echo back to my ears. “WHY?!” I screamed again, falling to my hands and knees. I balled the grass in my hands, squeezing until it hurt. “WHY MIKE?! WHY…?!” My entire body began to shake with sobs, and I shook my head as if trying to ward off all the anguish. My whole body hurt… my mind hurt… there was so much I wanted to escape from…
I sat back on my knees, still shaking with sorrow, tears still spilling down my cheeks, teeth clenched in agony.
“Why do you do this to me, Mike?! Why is it that this happened to me?!” I opened my eyes and lifted my gaze to the sky, the tears trickling backwards, but still as steadily as ever. “Why was I born this way, and not you? Why did I have to love the one person I could never have…” I closed my eyes and shook my head again. “Why, Mike? Why couldn’t you just love me… why…?”
I dissolved, bringing my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around my worn body. I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t take this any longer. “I’m tired of fighting… I don’t want to fight anymore.” I hugged myself tighter. “I don’t want to have to scream.” I whispered to myself, burrying my face deeper into my knees. “How did my life come to this? Why can’t it ever be alright?!”
“Then damnit, Brad, break the habit tonight!”
My entire body froze as that voice reached my ears. I snapped my eyes open, disbelief swirling within me, my whole body trembling. No… no, this couldn’t be happening…
But it was. That shy laughter behind me… Unmistakable. Undeniable. Unavoidable.
Rob had heard me.
“I guess that answers a lot,” I felt him sit down next to me, chuckling slightly. I didn’t move from my position, just closed my eyes and prayed that he’d go away. “You certainly do love that song, though. I mean, you hum it almost all day long, and for crying out loud, your confessions to the lake were based on it!”
He was right, I realized. I did refer to ‘Breaking the Habit’ a lot.
“That’s because he wrote it for me,” I whispered quietly, and Rob chuckled again.
“I know.” He threw a stone, and I heard it skip across the water’s surface.
“Rob… did you…” I had to know. Had he heard what I’d said, or was it just the last bit he heard…
“Hear the whole thing? Yeah,” he became a little quieter. Instantly, my whole body tensed up, and I tried to hug myself tighter. I could feel his gaze turn to me, and I flinched when he put a hand on my back. “Brad, it’s okay. I’m not going to tell anyone… unless you want me to.”
“No!” I snapped my head up, my tear-stained gaze meeting his calm one. Surprisingly, he just smiled warmly at me.
“Don’t worry, Brad. It’ll be alright. I won’t tell.”
Somehow, his words seemed to calm me. For some reason, it felt better for him to have heard what I said. He knew, now. He knew me for me. He knew me biggest secret. I didn’t have to hide from Rob any longer.
I felt myself breaking down again. This time, though, I didn’t have to hug myself… Rob pulled me close, wrapping his arms around me, while I cried into his lap. Everything I had kept locked up seemed to seep out of me, leaving me feeling free… a freedom I hadn’t felt in fourteen years…
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A/N: I meant for this to be standalone, but its getting late and I want this posted. So, it will be two-part, though the second is not nearly as long. Tee-hee, please let me know what you think!!! ^.^