Category Linkin Park

Silence, Art and Grief by ValentineShinoda


As I sit in a room full of people I feel the most alone but I have a smile on my face.

It is a miracle that I am in this dressing room today, it is a miracle that I didn’t quit this all together but I really can’t music is the only therapist that I have opened up to.

Anna have taken me with her to therapist visits and her therapist tried to talk to me and I couldn’t get a word out because art was easier than speaking my mind with someone my wife knew for a long time.

All Anna’s therapist did was watch me draw, because I remembered the therapist asked what I did when I felt any different emotion and she said he loves to draw and she asked her what happened for me to feel like this and I could hear the sentence, his friend passed away from suicide.

Anna left the house for a second and I could read her lips and she said that she felt helpless for what I was feeling because she knew that herself and me wasn’t feeling the same thing and that Chester was a very good friend to her and a brother to me.

She came back inside and I looked at the other side of the room and she told me that I was coming to a therapist visit with her.

Now I am in a dressing room that me and Chester have shared once or twice, I forgot my belt and license home on purpose because I felt like the world was out to get me and if I had nothing for it to take me with it won’t take me.

Tonight is going to be hard and I know it 100% but I can’t get it that when I go on stage Chester’s microphone won’t be on stage and most importantly Chester won’t be there.

I just can’t wrap my head around it. The time that I spent backstage was time for calming myself down but maybe today was the day that I let out a tear on stage and it would be okay.

The stage suddenly felt forbidden like it was a place that was marked off by police tape but it wasn’t it was a concert.

I see pictures of Chester everywhere and my skin is crawling, I never meant to make a song reference it just happened that's all.

People asked me how I was and of course I only stared unable to say how I was doing because I didn’t want to lie.

The show was the longest one we have done ever it was three hours long.

When I sat on the couch in the green room after the show I held Anna’s hand and fell asleep.

Anna comforted me because I trusted her with all my heart.

The next morning I woke up at four a o’clock and I looked at the ceiling I stood up and went to the kitchen and Abba was in the kitchen getting a glass of water. All I said was Abrielle what are you doing up.

All she said was that Jojo wanted a cup of water so she said that she would get it for her.

Abba didn’t say anything when I called her her full name and called Johannah by her nickname.

I asked Abrielle if she wanted to get a milkshake with me and she said yes. I left Anna a note and we were off.

I put on my glasses and a hat and a scarf that someone gifted me with to help with people taking photos of me with flash.

Me and Abrielle went to McDonalds to get a milkshake not caring that it was four o’clock in the morning.

We went through the drive through.

It feels good to spend time with Abrielle but I still somehow felt guilty.

Go to chapter:

Reviews Add review