Category Linkin Park

Life Is Hard by ValentineShinoda


The band was in the front row when I played my first solo show, I only seen four people where there was supposed to be five but life isn’t fair of course so I only see four.

When I started the music I looked behind me and seen nobody there, I panicked and wished that Rob, Joe, Brad and Phoenix were in their spots playing along but they weren’t there wasn’t a yellow microphone on stage either.

I knew that I wanted to do a solo show but I didn’t know that it would hit me this hard.

I sang the first verse of the song when I seen Brad on the side of the stage whispering words of motivation that I can only guess that he is whispering.

When I start singing the second verse I had tears in my eyes, the tears that I never cried in front of people.

I wasn’t full on crying but if you were close enough you could see a few tears.

The chorus was stuttered but I kept trying with no luck, my mind was calling me the worst things in the book.

Brad was still there and the other three band members were in the front row.

I stood frozen in place looking at Brad for direction because I had no clue.

Brad walked over to me slowly and passes me my microphone and starts playing a few keys on the piano.

I sing with closed eyes because I don’t stutter when I do so, anything I can do to not stutter I will do it.

When the show was over I fell asleep on the couch in the greenroom.

Brad carried my exhausted form to the car and brought me home to my wife and five children.

My wife, Anna looked at Brad with worried eyes and asked me how the show went just when I was about to say something my younger twin daughters started to make noise in their pack and plays.

My older twin daughters ran in the room and my son Otis trailed behind them.

My son Otis just hugged me with no words and my youngest daughter Parker started to cry, I picked her up and she stopped.

She’s a daddy’s girl just like her twin sister Berlin and her older twin sisters Aspen and Dallas.

It doesn’t make entire sense that my children would favor the parent that is away.

My baby girls were born July 20th the darkest day of my life that I lost someone I love and welcomed two babies into the Shinoda family.

I lost Chester nine o’clock in the morning and welcomed twin girls nine o’clock that night.

I believe he picked them for me but everything happens for a reason.

I remember when he told me that he wanted Parker and Berlin to have my brown eyes and my birthmark that I have under my left eye.

They were just like he wanted them to be my eyes are lost in Parker’s eyes that are a duplicate of my own.

I wonder if my eyes were like this before he left this earth, all full of life and most of all had another pair of brown eyes looking at them but a pair of familiar ones not an exact duplicate of my daughter but of a man that came into my life when I needed him like an angel that was borrowed to help and was called back home when the help was done.

I was given two baby girls the same day that he was called back home. It was like he was called back home because he was needed up there.

I am broken but I have a wife and children that need me.

I also have a band that needs me because we worked so hard to get this far and we don’t want this to just be over as fast as it began.

The next day I went to the studio and brought Parker and Berlin with me to give Anna a break today because the three older children are at school.

When I got to the studio Rob was there.

We talked about what happened at the show yesterday and I told him that I panicked and it all went downhill from there.

When he was holding Parker he said to me,

“Didn’t Chester say he would love if Parker and Berlin had your eyes and your birthmark because they have all the qualities Chester wanted them to have”.

I just nodded as I was back to him because I didn’t want him to see me cry because the reminders are just too much for me to handle. I just closed my eyes and Parker started to cry, Rob passes me the crying infant.

We couldn’t help but think that Chester is trying to give us a sign.

Parker Shinoda crying in the Linkin Park studio.

We don’t laugh at it because there is a baby crying, she stops as soon as I talk to her and we can get back to waiting for Phoenix, Joe and Brad. They came fifteen minutes later.

We were all happy to see each other because we have gotten closer since that day, the guys didn’t mind me bringing the girls along because we all have taken our children to the studio more than once.

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