FINALLY I FINISHED THIS... i've been writing little parts of it for days, now it's done and i'm happy! whee! so yeah, it's a bit angsty from the beginning and a bit fluffy from the end. and a bit slashy in the middle! (;

***

If spring can take the snow away

Can it melt away all our mistakes?

I stood there, it was snowing. I looked up to the sky and felt snowflakes hit my warm face. The snowflakes melted and turned to water. The water mixed up with salty, bitter tears. Why can’t I just let you go?

It’s been a year now since we spoke. I mean, really talked to each other, like we used to. Now you won’t talk to me unless you have to. And you’re cold. So cold. I can see through you, through your fake smiles and friendly gestures around the other guys. It’s just for show. So they wouldn’t know about what happened between us.

So yes, it’s been a year since we spoke, and it happened in this exact spot. I don’t want to be here but I had to come. So I walked here all the way from my house. My toes were freezing. I tried to wiggle them but it didn’t help. I sighed.

For the past year it’s been hell for me. I know I seem happy from the outside but I’m not. I’m really not alright. I can’t let you go. But why?

We had an affair, for about three years. You said you loved me. But now you can’t. You’re too afraid.

First it was just for fun, we had sex when we were bored or lonely. But then it turned serious. We fell in love. Then you told me you’re scared. Scared of the world, scared of the people, scared about how our lives would change if everyone would find out about us.

”Why would it matter, I thought nothing else mattered expect our love for each other?” I asked, catching a tear from your cheek with my thumb.

“Sometimes it’s just not enough…”

You broke my heart. Shattered it into a million pieces. And you were the only one who could pick up the pieces and fix me. But you wouldn’t. It was not an option, for you at least.

I dialed your number on my cell phone. I needed to hear your voice. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving it.

Beep.

I still loved you. God damnit.

Beep.

I don’t think you had any feeling for me anymore. And that just made me feel worse. You were as cold as this winter.

“Mike?” he answered his phone and I sighed.

“Hi,” I said quietly.

“What do you want?” He seemed annoyed, I’m not sure. I really wanted to answer ‘you’, but it would’ve most probably made things worse.

“Guess where I am?” I asked him instead.

“I don’t know. Where?”

“It’s really cold and it’s snowing, just like the last time we were here.” I almost whispered, hearing him sigh in the other end of the line.

“Michael…” I could fear a tear slowly making its way down my face.

“I’m sorry I bothered you, Ches.” I hung up.

I really thought that when you break up with someone, the pain should go away when time passes. For me it just got worse.

I walked down the street, and found a bench. I sat down and took my sneaker off and warmed my toes with my hands.

Finally my toes started to warm up. I wiped the tear that had rolled onto my face earlier. It had almost frozen to my face. I thought of Chester again, I was trying to remember the last time I had seen some sign of his feelings.

I guess it was before a show, on backstage. Chester was opening his voice and singing parts of songs, and I was just standing there, listening and staring at him.

Waiting for the end to come

Wishing I had strength to stand

This is not what I had planned

It's out of my control

Flying at the speed of light

Thoughts were spinning in my head

So many things were left unsaid

It's hard to let you go

I swear he had stolen his voice from an angel. I just closed my eyes and stood there, and when I opened my eyes I noticed his were instantly locked with mine.

“That was beautiful.” I whispered. His expression seemed to yell at me ‘please, Michael, I miss you’. He looked so sad. My heart broke all over again when I saw his face. The moment lasted for a second, and then he flew out of the room, our shoulders hitting gently when he walked by.

I started to wonder how long I’ve spent time just sitting here, thinking. Why did I even come here? Maybe I thought this would settle things down with my heart. Seriously, I was running out of options to ease my pain.

Suddenly I heard the snow cracking. Footsteps. It was him.

He stopped a few steps before where I sat. I stood up and we just stared at each other for a minute or two. He was pale, his cheeks and eyes were holding different shades of red and pink; he’d been crying. His eyes looked sad and tired.

“Ches…” I whispered and walked over to him, closing him on a hug. He started sobbing against my chest. My heart was aching because of his despair, and all I wanted to do was make it better.

It felt like I would’ve been holding him for hours. It was really dark around, only light coming from the street lamp above us. I sighed and Chester started to tremble.

“Are you cold?” I breathed to his ear and he nodded. I held him a little tighter and soon he stopped shaking.

“That’s better…” I muttered and lifted my hand to Chester’s warm neck. He twitched a little, and mumbled something into my jacket, but I couldn’t make it out.

“What?” I smiled a little and he lifted his head from the coat.

“Your hands are cold,” he stated and I kept smiling at him.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay… what are you smiling at?” He stared into my eyes, sounding confused.

“You,” was all I said and he wrapped his arms around me as well, burying his face to my coat again.

It was getting more freezing every minute but we managed without feeling the coldness in our bones, mostly because we were wrapped around each other so tightly. It felt so comfortable just standing there, with Chester’s familiar arms around my torso. I know we had to talk but I really didn’t want to interrupt this moment we had.

After a time that seemed like forever Chester let go of his grip and raised his face from my jacket. He looked into my eyes, but for me it felt like he was staring straight into my soul. I shivered.

“Can we go to your place? I want some hot chocolate…” He said with a small smile curving onto his sweet, light pink lips. I nodded and we began walking towards my home.

“Why did you come?” I asked Chester as we walked slowly. He was kicking snow around with his boots. I smiled at him. Chester had always liked snow, and when some was on the ground he was instantly playing with it, either kicking it around or throwing it at someone.

“I, uhm, needed to see you.” He said after a while. I hummed and we continued to walk in silence.

***

Anna had moved out months ago and my place was really quite empty. She had taken a lot of stuff with her, and I didn’t resist, after all I was the one hurting her badly. I don’t know if she has been hurting like me, but she said she had still loved me and that I broke her heart. But I couldn’t be with her anymore, ‘cos I was in love with Chester. I had told her that and she was furious, then sad, and then she said that she had known it for a while.

Well, it felt fine not having her around anymore; it was like I didn’t really even care. It had been a while since anyone had even visited my place, and it was a bit messy.

I opened the door and we stepped in. Chester shook off snow off of him; I just took my coat off and went to the kitchen. I pulled out two porcelain mugs from the cabin, and made some hot chocolate for us.

I walked into the living room, finding Chester sitting on the huge, white couch. The lights weren’t on, so it was a bit gloomy in the room. The light from the street lamps gleamed to the room, making Chester’s ivory face glow in the shadowy room. I sat down next to him, handing him a cup of hot chocolate that he had requested earlier.

“Thanks Mikey.” He calling me ‘Mikey’ made me smile. I missed that.

It was silence once again, and I was staring at my dark blue mug, once in a while I sipped some of the sweet liquid down my throat.

“Are you happy?” I asked, breaking the peaceful silence.

“Now that I’m with you, I am.” He said, honesty gleaming out of his voice.

“Well why haven’t you been with me, then?” I had to continue questioning him. Chester put down his mug to the coffee table and stood up. He walked over to where I was seated, on the other end of the couch, and he sat onto my lap. I smiled at him.

“Because I’ve been an idiot,” he stated. I stared into his dark eyes. He looked so beautiful, especially in this lightning. The light was making his facial features look so soft. I noticed he was staring at my lips. I slowly leaned towards him and closed the gap between us softly.

I had missed the scent of him, the softness of his lips, the way his fingers curled onto my hair when we kissed. I could feel the familiar lightness in my head and in the pit of my stomach. I placed my hand on the back of his head, pulling him closer.

He opened his mouth, inviting my tongue to sweep against his, sending more sparks down my spine. Our mouth danced together gently for a minute or two, before we both had to stop to breathe some air into our lungs.

“I’m sorry I’ve been like I've been…” Chester whispered, now leaning against me.

“I just… Why? If you wanted me, why did you let me think you didn’t? I swear to God I’ve never fallen in love to someone this hard, and I’m still so overwhelmed by you I can’t even begin to explain it, Chester. Please tell me you won’t leave me again.”

He kissed my neck. “I won’t leave you again… Can you hold me like you used to, and tell me it’s going to be alright?” He asked me with such innocence in his voice. I wrapped my arms around his body and told him it’s going to be alright.

***

Chester had fallen asleep to the couch while I was in the shower. I decided to carry him onto the bedroom, but he woke up on the way.

“Mmmm, what’s going on?” He asked me sleepily, holding onto my shoulders while I carried him up the stairs. “Did we get married or something?”

I laughed out. “No, we’re going to bed, sweetie.”

“Oooh.”

We made it to the bedroom, and I lowered Chester down until his feet touched the floor. He didn’t let go of me, and instead of doing that he kept hugging me. I chuckled.

“You’re naked…” Chester said with that certain tone of his voice that made me go crazy for him. And he knew that.

“Actually I have a towel.” I stated and he ran his hand over my stomach. I shivered. Chester continued to run his hands down, until he grabbed my towel and pulled it off my waist.

“Well now you’re naked.” He said and pushed me down to the bed. I moaned when he placed himself on top of my naked body.

“Mm, I should’ve remembered that you’re usually horny when you get waken up,” I chuckled, getting more aroused by having Chester sitting on my crotch.

“No, Mikey, now you’re wrong. I usually get horny when I get waken up by you,” he said with a husky voice and petted my stomach. Then he leaned down, pulling me into a passionate kiss. He ran his tongue down my lower lip.

While we kissed I flipped Chester onto his back and I climbed on top of him. I hadn’t had sex in a while and I think it was showing from my animalistic movements. I pulled off his shirt and attacked his nipples with my tongue. He moaned in pleasure and gripped my hair. He was bucking against me and I decided to free him from his jeans as well.

“Mikeee,” Chester whined underneath me. “Do me for fuck’s sake before my head explodes..” he begged, and I pulled off his boxers. I licked my lips when I saw his erection.

“Hmm…” I muttered while licking the tip of his cock. Chester kept moaning at every touch and it made me go even faster. I coated a finger with my saliva and slowly pushed it into my lover.

“Slowly, sweetie, it’s been a while,” Chester groaned and I worked on him slowly. I was aching for it already, but I knew I had to be patient so Chester wouldn’t end up hurt.

I added another finger and Chester moaned. The sight of him, eyes closed, his stomach and chest glimmering of sweat; it made me go crazy and I had to get inside of him now. I placed myself on top of him and guided my aching cock near his entrance.

“Ah, shit,” he exclaimed as I slowly went inside. I felt the warmness of him around me and it made me moan loudly.

“Ches…” I hissed and he bucked down onto my cock, as if saying ‘move you idiot’. I began to move inside and out of him slowly, and I stared down into his eyes which were open now.

We merged together as I made love to him. Our heavy breathing was echoing in the dark room. There was electricity in the air. I stroke Chester’s dick as I began to get closer and closer to climaxing. I could feel that familiar feeling spreading from my spine to everywhere in my body as I released myself inside of my beautiful lover.

“Oh my fucking God…” I panted and pulled out of him. I continued stroking him and soon he had his orgasm as well. He was shaking against me and moaning out my name. I collapsed next to him and we both tried to catch our breaths.

“I… I love you.” He said with his eyes closed. I kissed his cheek.

“Me too, always have, always will.”

***

The sun was shining into the room as I woke up. I couldn’t find Chester from next to me and got worried. Did he fucking leave again? I got up so quickly that my head felt weird and I had to take a step back to gain my balance.

“Are you alright?” I could hear Chester’s amused voice from the door; “Or are you dancing or something?”

“I’m okay, just…” My sentence cut off when I saw the sight at the door. Chester had just got out of shower, his body still wet from it. “…a bit dizzy.” I finished and he walked over to me, wrapping his arms around me. He had obviously taken a very warm shower because I could feel his heat on my skin. I planted a kiss on his forehead. “You’re hot.”

“Thanks, you too, Mikey.” He grinned and let go of me. I missed his touch already.

We went into the kitchen and made some coffee and sandwiches for breakfast. I swear Chester must’ve been a mouse in his life before he was born as Chester Bennington, because he ate so much cheese on his sandwich. It was almost all cheese and no sandwich!

After breakfast we went to the living room and decided to watch a movie. We couldn’t decide what to watch so I just grabbed our usual choice: Fight Club. Chester begged me for a backrub and I had to give up; I couldn’t say no to his puppy eyes.

“Ah, right there,” he moaned as I gently massaged his soft neck. “Do I look better than Brad Pitt, Mikey?”

“Yeah, honey, you do.”

“Aww, you’re too sweet.” He said and I laughed. I leaned down to kiss his neck.

“I missed you so much,” I whispered into his ear and he grinned.

“I missed you too.”

And it felt like it was going to be better. It already was.

This winter didn’t seem so cold after all.

***

songs mentioned; kanye west - coldest winter & linkin park - waiting for the end

hummm, did you like it? rate or review and let me know. (: