I have no idea what I was on when I wrote this, but I thought I'd share anyway.

Ooh, and before y'all think anything, I just want to make it clear that I don't believe in God or Jesus or any of that. :)

Don't Ejaculate on God's Poker Table

"Jesus Christ!"

"Yes?"

Mike jumped to find Chester right behind him. "Christ, you didn't have to scare me like that. And don't get all cocky, Chaz."

"I thought you like me cocky!" He snickered as Mike rolled his eyes. "So what was your little outburst about, God?"

Mike and Chester had taken over the role of God and Jesus for a week; today was their last day. The last day to see their mission through before God and Jesus came back from the Bahamas.

"Brad is dropping hints like fucking crazy, and Rob isn't fucking catching the fuck on," Mike said, exasperated.

"You have quite the potty mouth, God." Chester leaned closer to the screen on which his two best friends were displayed. "Mike, we still have about two hours. This is going to work. Put your faith in Jesus...like you did last night." He chuckled.

Mike shook his head. "You're so going to hell for that, Chaz."

The singer scoffed. "Like there's actually a hell, Mike."

Mike didn't want to get into this fight again, so he turned back to the screen. "See? Brad just asked if Rob wanted to come over for 'pizza'! God damn it, Rob!"

"Hey, don't take your name in vain!" Chester was rolling on the floor (metaphorically) at his knee-slapper. Mike couldn't help but chuckle.

-back on earth-

"You wanna come play Halo at my house, Rob? We can order that pizza you like..."

Rob shuffled from foot to foot at the doorway at NRG. "Umm, well...I..."

Brad stepped forward, close to the drummer; it took an assload of courage on his part. "Come on, Rob...what could you have better to do than hang with me?"

The drummer simply muttered an okay, and Brad smiled. "Good. I'll drive you to my house then."

-back in heaven-

"Fucking finally. If they don't at least make out tonight, I'm suing God for Bono."

Chester peeled the banana that he randomly had appear in the air in front of him. "Stop worrying and just enjoy being God. Jeez." He looked at Mike as he took over half the banana in his mouth. Mike blushed and was obviously aroused by the sight. "For instance, you wouldn't believe where I could make a dildo appear right now..."

"Unnnnghhh..." Mike groaned and kissed the singer.

-back on earth-

Rob licked his greasy fingers and put the empty glass plate on the coffee table. "I fucking love pizza."

Brad grinned. "I know, you ate half of one by yourself."

"Shut up..." he mumbled. They were sitting on Brad's couch, the main menu of Halo playing. Neither had any intention of playing a game; Brad trying to make a move and Rob too full to reach for the controller.

"I'm in love with you," Brad said in one breath, so quietly he didn't think Rob would hear, but very willing to repeat it.

"What?"

"I'm in love with you."

"I--wait, what?"

Brad sighed. "I know you like me, Rob, you told Dave and Dave told me. I like you too. Well...actually I love you, but if that's too scary for you I won't say it anymore, it's true, don't get me wrong...I just don't want to freak you out this early in our relationship, oh shit not that we're in a relationship, you haven't even said anything because I'm..." Brad trailed off as Rob leaned in slowly and allowed their lips to meet for merely a second or two before pulling back.

"I love you too, and stop rambling so I can kiss you."

Brad just nodded and leaned in to catch the drummer's lips in a slow, breathtaking kiss. Rob laid Brad down on the couch, lying flush on top of him and slipping his tongue into the guitarist's mouth.

Brad let out a breathless moan and wrapped his arms around Rob's torso, feeling the room start to seriously heat up but not wanting to ruin this moment with the trivial act of shedding clothes.

Rob continued to kiss Brad slowly, as if he'd lived all his life waiting to kiss those perfect pink lips. His hands trailed up Brad's sides up into his Jewfro, moving to hold his face lovingly as he tilted his head to deepen the kiss.

After another minute, Rob's lungs were starting to ache, screaming for oxygen, so he pulled back and buried his face in Brad's neck, licking the skin every so often as he caught his breath.

"That was...the most...amazing kiss...I've ever had..." Brad managed through deep intakes. "Thank you."

Rob situated himself to look at Brad once more. He'd say something romantic right about now, but his brain was swiped of all witty thought as he gazed into his lover's eyes.

"Do you want to spend the night?"

Rob nodded swiftly. "Yeah..."

-back in heaven-

"Ah fuck Mike, gonna make me..." Chester screamed as he came on Mike's hand. Mike thrusted a few more times into his boyfriend before climaxing.

The pair laid on the table in the white room for a few minutes before redressing and returning to the screen.

"God's gonna be so pissed when he finds out you fucked me in his office..." Chester kissed the back of Mike's neck, wrapping his arms around his Asian lover, who was staring at the screen.

"They're kissing...on Brad's couch..." He pivoted in Chaz's arms. "We did it, honey...we did it."

Chester grinned cheekily and kissed the man before him. "Yes we did, baby--"

"So I told him, this is America, we speak English here...hey Chester, Mike!" God and Jesus walked back in the room, looking very satisfied.

"Hey guys...I guess we'll take off then. Thanks, by the way." Mike offered God a handshake, but God swatted it away and hugged him instead.

"Anything for two guys in my favorite band ever!"

Chester and Mike grinned. "You're such a liar, God."

He just shrugged. "So...did you succeed?"

Chaz nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, they're making out right now."

Jesus high-fived Chaz. "About fucking time!"

"Language, Jesus," God said warningly.

"Sorry, dad."

Mike chuckled. "Alright, time to get back. Second door on the right?"

God nodded. "Oh, and guys?"

Mike and Chaz turned around. "Yeah?"

"I don't rather appreciate tidbits of ejaculation on my poker table."

I, of course, had to have the banana in this.

And thanks to my Brendan bear for the title! XD