I want to thank Demetra and her beautiful comments and help in betaing it. She suggested to read this fanfiction while listening to "Flyleaf - All Around Me" song, go to read the lyric.

Mike slumps limply into a couch gazing distractedly at the television screen, shifting slightly then leaning his head back against the soft cushion. He’s staring up at the ceiling, watching the flickering lights from the street reflect onto the whiteness above him while thousands of thoughts are rushing back and forth in his mind keeping him wide awake.

On the TV a sweaty man who’s wearing a ridiculous little swimsuit, is exalting the miraculous powers of a new moisturizer that will make you slim in one week. Mike just shakes his head turning the TV off, with one last image showing the excited man smearing thick white fluid over a tanned girl.

Sighing he thinks that it had been almost a month since the accident that left Chester blind and then he moved on with him to help him.

He can pretty clearly remember the short talk that he had with the guys about who should go to live with him.

It was late August and the air was humid, very heavy, making Mike sweat with each move he would make. Rob was leaning against the doorframe while keeping an eye on Chester who was finally soundly asleep.

“I can’t!” Joe quickly declared before Mike even had time to formulate the request.

Brad glared at him and Mike wondered why he did so, because after a few seconds he invented a big excuse and stepped outside in the garden while muttering a vague, “I’m sorry guys but I can’t go to live with him.”

“Hey, it will be only for a short period of time.” Mike tried to justify his request while watching Joe shaking his big head. “He needs someone who can help him. Someone that can support him during this difficult time.”

No one said a word and Mike was left perplexed by their indifference toward him.

“Hey it’s Chester!” He remarked turning toward Dave who was sitting on the couch absently playing with an empty can of coke. “We are talking about our Chester!”

“Mike please we all know him!” Joe sighed sounding rather annoyed. “Look if it was not easy to live with him when he was okay let’s not talk about going to live with him now that he’s blind!”

“Yeah.” Dave nodded staring at the floor.

Mike licked his lips searching for something to say but he was left speechless.

“Mike I’m sure that the institute I pointed out is the right choice-“ Dave started to say but Mike abruptly cut him off.

“But what the fuck are you saying?” Mike hissed feeling a quiet desperation mixed with anger growing inside him. “He’s Chester. He’s our friend ... your friend and what? You want to throw him into a fucking institute so that your fucking conscience will feel all right?”

“We can’t go to live with him Mike, we have our lives!” Joe continued stepping in front of the emcee. “Chester obviously needs help but not from us.”

“Rob?” Mike half whispered, turning towards him, searching eyes meeting confused ones.

He exhaled, mouth slightly opening like wanting to say something.

“Oh fuck you!” Mike spat out shaking his head. “I wonder how you guys can even look into the mirror!”

“Mike I’m living with Brad and honestly we can’t go to live with Chester!” Dave complained slamming the empty can on the table. Way too tired to hear Mike’s fucking request.

“Hey go to live with him man if you are so longing to not leave him alone!” Joe sneered making Mike’s blood boil then he quitely stepped out in the garden, joining Brad.

* * *

“Mike?” You call standing at the living room entrance, waking him up from his thoughts.

“Huh! Chazy, what you are doing awake at this hour!?” He asks stretching while looking confused around himself like not truly knowing where he is.

“I - I can't sleep,” you say walking slowly in the semi-dark room. Each foot taking a precise and slow step. Your hands with flat palms searching in front of you. “A-Ahhh!” You whimper hitting the coffee table with your knee.

“Chester!” Mike worries quickly putting his large warm hands on your shoulders to guide you. He makes you sit and you hear him sigh.

“Why did this happen to me?” you ask uncertain and there’s this long moment of silence, so fucking thick that it’s like you can hear Mike’s mind screaming with the effort to come out with something intelligent to say. You start to cry. You lately spend your days crying.

A half hissed shit and Mike is embracing you and you hide your face into his chest, wetting the t-shirt he’s wearing.

“I don't know.” He manages to say, stroking your damp hair. His heart is beating fast and you would love to turn to kiss his chest, trying to ease the pain and sorrow you know he’s feeling for you.

“I wasn't a bad person, was I?” You croak, failing to bring yourself to stop crying your heart out. Pale fingers clinging to his t-shirt, clinging to him like he can save you from drowning.

“No, don't say that!” He admonishes you, holding your lean body tightly against his more broader one. He’s your rock and your perseverance.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, believe me.” He’s strong enough to not break down into tears. You know that later he will break down, thinking that you are asleep but you are not and you can clearly hear him sobbing. You are glad that you can’t see his tired and swollen red eyes because you can’t stand against his weakness, you need someone strong enough to climb this hill with you.

You manage to nod sitting down in the couch, while hastily wiping your eyes. You can feel his eyes on you and he’s studying you, carefully noting how you lost a tremendous amount of weight, evidenced by the fact that your clothes hang loosely on your slender frame.

“Chester, why don’t you go back to bed? You should sleep.” He says kneeling in front of you and kissing your flushed and humid cheek. Your eyes falls close as you breath in his unique and familiar scent that so defines him, that so calms you.

“I'll never be the same.” You whimper, just before standing up and slowly walking away.

You stumble on your bed and hastily pull the covers upon your shivering body. He doesn’t follow you. He doesn’t come, standing at the door of your bedroom while saying stupid comforting words that to your ears sounds empty. No you can’t hear his barefoot steps walking toward to your bedroom, the light rustle of his trousers and how he mumbles something undertone that you can’t quite understand.

Later you crawl into his bed and he sighs, tiredly opening his arms and allowing you to be embraced and pulled tightly against his warm body. You want to ask to him to remove his t-shirt because you need to feel his skin against yours. You are now living only of sensations and feelings that you experience, putting them aside for later, for the times you think to be so wasted to not be able to even stand up from your bed. Yes, for these moments you make shine all those emotions and feelings that you keep to catalogue. They have the power to help you go on.

You fall asleep with light breeze playing on your naked skin and his chin resting on top of your head. Yes he’s your rock and he has faith in you and you are so fucking trying hard not to let your hand slip out from his.

* * *

Another week goes on and then during a warm afternoon as Mike is all taken in painting a guitar while sitting outside with you sitting beside him staring unfocused at the nothingness, he sees him walk towards both of you. Rob.

You feel him tense and you quickly reach for one of his arms like wanting to restrain him from doing any foolish thing. He doesn’t know but you heard what the others said about you.

“Hey man.” Rob shyly waves to Mike.

“Oh you!” He half replies standing up with his guitar firmly wrapped between his long pianist fingers.

“Look I-“

“What do you want?” He coldly asks heading inside with Rob following him. You are left alone with threads of grass tickling your bare feet with your head turned towards their raising voices.

“I ... I wanted to see how Chester is-“

“Chester is doing fine! Now you may go.” He says while putting his guitar on the kitchen table.

“You can’t act like this.” Rob snaps. “I wanted to help him but I was afraid!”

“Afraid of what?” He barks glaring to him.

“Chester is blind and what the fuck do I know about how he should be handled!” He says stepping closer to him.

“And do you fucking think that I was prepared for this?” You hear him hiss and your fingers are clutching at the end of your t-shirt and you are chewing your bottom lip while repressing a scream. “No I wasn’t prepared but at least I tried.”

“You can’t blame me if I was afraid-“

“Fuck you! I was ... I’m still afraid but look here I am and if it wasn’t for me, choosing to go to live with him, well at this time he would be locked in into a fucking institute!”

“Oh please should we start to call you Saint Minoda?” Rob sneers rolling up his eyes.

“I’m not a martyr but you should wash your mouth before coming here and say such stupid things like this!” He says with a bitter taste washing over his tongue. “Now leave me ... us alone!”

“I pity Chester who has to live with you.” He bitterly says before stepping out, walking away.

You sense Rob passing beside you and for a moment you can clearly feel how his eyes linger on you like wanting to say something, like wanting to make you stand up and slap life back into you.

He sighs and walks away and then Mike is back sit beside you, painting his guitar.

The next who dares to visit you is Dave.

Mike sees him walking inside the kicthen while babbling how he found the French window opened and entered searching for someone. You are sitting at the table while wiping Mike’s painbrushes. Your eyes quickly searching for Mike’s voice and you know that he wants to just say to Dave to go to hell but he remains in silence, restraining himself from saying it. He keeps drinking his iced tea while painting.

“Man today it’s hot ... hehe I’m melting!” Dave tries to say while looking suspiciously around himself.

“Mike?” He calls him when he sees no reply from the emcee. You turn toward where he should be sitting and force out a smile praying that he will not snap.

“Why are you here?” He asks staring into his plastic glass.

“I wanted to see you two.” Dave hesitating says. “I- I wanted to see how things were going.”

“You can clearly see by yourself.” He yawns re-filling the glass with other iced tea.

“You sound sad.” He tries to say and fuck you bet that Mike is quite amused with the discomfort he can feel in Dave’s faltering voice.

“It's been almost one month and I can't believe what happened yet.” He keeps talking undismayed and you think: whoa he has guts! At this point Rob was all red while yelling. You shift into your seat clearing your throat, trying to make him notice your presence.

Mike finally turns staring at him like it’s the first time he’s standing there in the middle of your kitchen.

“If Chester needs something I can ... I don’t know, I can come up with something.” He keeps talking now finally proud to have Mike’s attention. “I can imagine how you feel. It's the same for me and for the other guys. Oh, if only that night ...” Dave says, running his shaking hand over his short hair.

Ops he said the wrong thing.

“You don’t know what I feel.” He hisses standing up.

He ignores Mike and goes on ... how bold! “Maybe if we didn't let him go back to the hotel alone-“

Again you wonder if you are like invisible or probably he can’t even stand in lowering his eyes toward you, toward your unfocused ones.

“Stop!” Mike yells angrily. “What do you want huh? Because I have no fucking idea what you want from me.”

“I was only trying to-“

“What? Fuck you what?”

“Rob was right, you are completely insane!” Dave spits throwing on the table the pastries that he brought for you.

He leaves and you are feeling the urge to smash all the fucking sweets that he brought. Mike sighs heavily then he excuses himself and leaves you alone. After few minutes you hear water running and you know that he’s splashing his face after he cried, fingers tightly wrapped around the edge of the sink as he whispers your name over and over.

“I love you.” You confess to the empty kitchen, before he returns and kiss you lightly on the cheek.

* * *

Mike is standing quietly at the bedroom door watching you sleeping. It’s not a restful slumber, because you are tossing and turning, mumbling in your sleep. You cry out and Mike takes a little step forward while struggling over the need to reach for your pale hands fumbling up in the air or just turn and walk away pretending not to have heard anything.

Eventually he walks toward you, then leaning over the bed he gently strokes your sweaty hair taking one of your shaking hands into his.

“Shhhh, you are safe, I’m here.” He tries to reassure you but his eyes are staring numbly in front of himself, at the white wall.

“Hmmm ... Mikey?” You mumble, opening your eyes in confusion. He quickly gazes down on you smiling softly.

“Hey, sleepyhead!” He smiles. You turn hiding your face into his lap. He jumps a little but he allows you to rest his head on it.

“We can go out- I don't know-“ he tries to suggest suddenly feeling totally worn out.

You are sensing his prostration and you want to say something but licking your chapped lips you only manage to choke “I’m sorry.” But you would like to say that you are sorry for the way things went, you are sorry for to not be able to accept what happened to you and move on. You are sorry to complicate his life and you are sorry for all the walls that you built up to protect yourself. You are sorry because you don’t want to lose him, you don’t want to feel his hand slip from yours. You want him more than never, you want him more than yesterday. You need him because he’s the only one able to keep you floating. Able to pull you out from the darkness that wants to swallow you.

“Don’t be ... baby.” He reassures caressing your damp forehead. You don’t believe him. Probably Mike doesn’t even believe what he’s saying anymore.

“I like that.” You smile soflty.

“What?”

“You, calling me baby.” You confess lightly blushing.

“Huh, yeah?” He chuckles and a warm sensation is spreading all over your body.

“So do you want to go out?” He asks – again – squeezing your hand like wanting to encourage you to come out from your annihilation.

“I can't go out.” You croak, a hint of fear showing in your voice.

“Why? I will be with you and then it’s a sin to stay at home in bed!”

"I don’t want to go out!" You spit out, suddenly angrily at him and his insistence.

“But-“he stammers, startled by your reaction.

“No I don’t want to fucking go out!”

“But why?” He asks and you slap his hand away from yours.

“I don't wanna go out. I don't want people to see me in this state!” You are by now yelling while sobbing loudly.

“But there’s nothing to be afraid of. I'll be with you all the time. I won't let you fall or trip over!” He says trying to reassure you by putting a hand over your shaking shoulder but you promptly slap it away.

“Noooooo, you don't understand ... nobody can understand me ... nobody can help me, because the real fact is that I can't see! I never will again!” You sob feeling like thousands hands are pulling you down ... you are finally drowning.

He doesn’t say anything, too much worn down to come up with something helpful to say. He stands up and you can hear him walking out of your bedroom, leaving you alone. Silent tears are rolling down as you are staring unblinking in front of you, hands gripped around a fistful of sheets.

“It’s true.”

Your head snap up, toward Mike’s voice. “M-M-Mike?”

“Yes it’s true, you are blind and there’s nothing I can do if not being here and help you understand-“

“There’s nothing to understand.” You cry out, your lungs burning.

“What do you want to do Chester? Stay in that fucking bed for the rest of your life!” He asks catching one of your wrists and harshly pulling you against him.

“Ahhhh!” You yell in pain.

“Yeah you are alive Mr Bennington!” He hisses trying to pull you out from the bed.

“Why you are doing this to me!” You sob falling limp on the floor. “Please you can’t understand.”

“Make me understand Chester!” He yells over your sobs. “Please make me understand, don’t leave me behind.”

“Oh god!” You hiccup your nails scratching the parquet.

“Chester ... Chester please I know that it’s fucking hard but if you keep acting like this I – I will not be able to follow you.” He whispers hugging your shaking, vulnerable form.

“Mike! It's just dark ... and I'm frightened!” You choke, tears flowing unchecked down your flushed cheeks. “It's just so dark Mike ... so fucking dark.”

“Chester damn you!” He hisses placing both his hands on each side of your face.

“Don’t leave me.” You whisper placing your shaking fingers over his.

“Never.” He replies and you close your eyes feeling his damp forehead coming to rest against yours.

* * *

Summer gently leaves its place to Autumn and you let Mike take you out for little walks. Your hand firmly wrapped around his arm as he carefully guides you around the neighbourhood. At the beginning you would walk slowly and unsure always fearing to stumble or trip over something but with each passing day you learned to easily move and walk beside Mike, not letting him drag you around.

“Do you like the ice cream?” He asks as you are sitting on a seesaw.

“Yeah.” You grin feeling cold sticky liquid dripping between your fingers.

“It’s melting ... lick over there Chester!” He points out coming to sit on the other end of the seesaw and you gasp, fingers quickly wrapping around the handle as you feel yourself being lifted.

“Always been the most heavy one!” You laugh letting your feet dangling.

He laughs hard starting to move, and you feel yourself being liftend and then taken back, down. Your feet briefly touching the ground before being lifed again up in the air and you start to laugh, ice cream dripping on your fingers as Mike is making you fly up and down.

“Please if someone will see us-“

“I don’t fucking care!” He chuckles. “Besides there’s no one around and we have this seesaw for all ourselves!”

“Mike?”

“Huh?”

“Nothing.” You say. “I love you.” It’s what you truly want to say.

* * *

Winter comes wrapping everything into its cold grip.

It’s almost Christmas when one early morning you crawl into Mike’s bed going to rest your head on his chest.

He mumbles something but keeps sleeping with one of his hands absently coming to rest on your back.

“Mike?” You softly call him. He keeps sleeping.

“Mike?” You call him again while passing your finger along his jaw bone. “M-M-Mike Shinoda.” You sing lightly playing with his beard.

“Wha-What the fuck!” He moans tiredly and you have to bite your bottom lip hard to prevent exploding into a laugh because you think that he’s too much to bear sometimes.

“A barking dog woke me up.” You explain while with your fingers you are learning that he has a cut on his hand. “How you cut yourself?”

“I don’t remember.” He sighs rubbing his tired eyes. “I’m sleepy.”

“So sleep.”

“I can’t sleep with you looking me.” He whines scratching his beard.

“I can’t see.”

“Oh Chester!” He exhales as you are caressing his chest, your fingers drawing strange patterns on his warm skin.

“Ok I’m going.” You sigh starting to pull away from him, but he quickly grabs you pulling your body back against him.

“Nope. It’s ok.” He smiles pulling the covers over your bodies.

“Thanks!”

“I’m using you.” He says yawning. “I’m freezing. You are keeping me warm.”

You chuckle nuzzling to his neck and he lightly laughs, softly caressing your cheek.

“Your fingers are cold.”

“Yeah I know.” He says closing his eyes. Arms embracing you into a warm hug.

“I like the way you smell.” You shyly admit. “It’s easy to recognize.”

He re-opens his eyes. “Ah are you saying that I stink?”

“No. I like it because ... because it’s a unique scent, it’s ... it’s yours! I don’t know how to explain it. Hehe.” You stammer with a well known warm sensation enveloping your body.

“Then I also like the fact that you are bigger than me.” You whisper while feeling his fingers flutter over your skin. “It makes me feel protected.”

He takes your hand and starts to softly kiss the back of it.

“W-What?” You falter.

“Nothing.” He says but you know that there’s more. He wants to say more.

“You are my rock.” You say as he’s sucking your long fingertips.

“Really?” He asks in an undertone while sliding his moist and warm tongue over one of your fingers.

“You are the most beautiful thing that lately happened to me.” You sliding your fingers over his lips,wanting to learn their shape. “Outside it’s snowing.” You say as he’s about to kiss you.

He exhales, his lips few inches from yours. “Oh really?”

“Yes Mikey.” You nod. “And I stepped outside. I couldn’t see but I could feel.”

“And what you felt?” He asks then moaning softly as you go to close your warm and moist mouth over one if his erect nipples.

“I was alive ... for the first time of my life I was alive.” You confess.

“And what about me?” He asks tilting your face toward his. “With me you are not feeling alive?”

Your mouth is standing so close to his and you can feel how he’s longing to kiss you. Lips barely touching yours.

“Describe it for me.” You ask darting your tongue out, wetting your lips.

“W-What?” He asks nibbling at your bottom lip.

“Describe it for me. The snow, if outside is still snowing.” You ask licking slowly his lips.

You feel him turning toward the window. “Ehhh ... it’s cloudy and yes it’s snowing.”

“What a beautiful vision it must be eh?” You whisper hiding your face into his neck.

“Chester.” He begins kissing your temple.

“Say it.” You ask your fingertip lightly touching his lips. “Say it for me.”

“What?” He asks confused catching your shaking hand into his.

“That it doesn’t matter, that everything will go all right because-“ You choke on your words, air dying into your lungs.

“Chester-“

“I need to believe in something Mike!” You cry out nails digging into his skin like wanting to hold onto something.

“You have me!” He says hoarse and still sleepy voice.

“I know.”

“Am I not enough?”

“No ... sometimes no.”

There’s a long moment of silence where you are left weeping softly because you can’t recognize your life anymore and you can’t even accept it and move on. Yes you are stuck in the middle of nowhere still wondering how you ended up being there. Moving but still not going anywhere.

“Chester.” He calls you softly breaking the silence that had fallen around you. “Chester please stop stop crying.”

“You don’t know how I’m fucking feeling!” You hiss slapping away his hand.

“Fuck you it’s true!” He replies trying to catch your arm as you are standing up from the bed. “Chester!”

“Leave me alone Mike!”

“Do you really want to be left alone?” He asks challenging you to react to his provocation.

You stumble over what they should be his shoes. “Fuck!”

“I know that I should have come with you!” He finally admits. “I know that I should have gone with you to that fucking pub but guess what? I was fucking tired and wanted to stay into that crappy hotel bedroom.”

“Shut up!” You yell leaning against the wall.

“No Chester!” He yells back stalking you. “You were drunk and fuck you and alcohol and I wasn’t there to take you back to the hotel.”

“It’s not your fault!” You scream kicking him away from you.

“But you look at me like I was the one doing this to you.” He whispers trapping you between his body and the wall.

“Oh Mike!” You sob sliding slowly to the ground.

“I love you.” He says kneeling in front of you.

“I-I’m feeling lost.” You stutter as he hoists you toward the bed.

“You have me.” He reminds you. “And you have my time, all the time you want to learn again.”

You barely nod as he makes you sit on the bed. You feel him kneeling in front of you, between you spread legs. You want to say many things but it’s like suddenly you are also mute.

There’s a short moment of silence where you know he’s staring at you, studying you. You shift suddenly feeling uncomfortable, wanting to stand up and stalk away out of your bedroom. You don’t like to have him watching you so closely because you often wondered how your eyes look, where they are looking. Sometimes you are afraid to appear like a dumb.

“M-Mike.” You start to say but then you feel him coming closer, filling the little gap that was keeping you two separate. Your eyes are fluttering close as he’s finally kissing you. He flicks his tongue lightly on your lips, asking for more, for you to open your mouth and surrender to him. You do so and you find yourself moaning or maybe it’s him, you don’t care because you are feeling dizzy as he pulls your tongue out of your mouth, starting then to suck at it, wet sounds accentuating the sexiness of this intimate moment.

You pull away, needing to regain your breath. And you caress his head as he’s trailing kisses upon your throat.

“Can I-can I touch you?” You ask shyly. “I need to see you.” You try to justify as you can sense him looking perplexed at you.

“Yes.”

You attempt to move your fingers on his face. Fluttering fingers gently caressing, touching his face, learning and memorising each line and curve. Squeezing your eyes shut, you try to remember what his face looked like and when the memory hits you, you grin widely proud of yourself. “Yes you are so beautiful.” You say kissing him again. And you don’t need to see, no you don’t need to see where is lips are, because it comes naturally to lean forward and capture them into a kiss.

Yes, you think, for the first time it’s like you regained your sight and you don’t see only an infinite black wall spreading in front of you. You see light, you see colours, you see things under a different side. You see him like nobody ever saw him.

Mike chuckles hugging your tiny body and then he rolls you under him, making you spread your thighs, allowing room to his more broad body.

“I love you.” You finally admit caressing his shoulder blades. Feeling how muscles are moving, hiding themselves under layers of skin.

“It took you so fucking long to spill it.” He says nibbling your bottom lip.

You slap lightly his shoulder and he laughs at your pout. “Say it.” You ask.

“I love you too.”

“Are you sure?” You tease him feeling your heart beating fast.

“I will never regret saying it. About any word that I said during all these months because I believed in each one of them.” He slowly admits, each word emphasized by a kiss.

“I want to see you so badly.” You whisper reaching with your hand for his face.

“So, look me.” He smiles placing his warm hand over yours and then he slowly makes you slide it along his chest.

“I want to see more.” You say before sliding your hand between your stomachs, reaching for his cock. Surprising him.

You gently start to stroke it, earning a loud moan from your emcee. Gently squeezing it until precum glistens at the tip then you lazily smear it with your thumb, making the glans slick and him breathless.

“C-Chester.” He calls you as he can’t stand anymore in you teasing his slit. You think that there’s something vaguely erotic in having your thumb sliding while lightly pushing on it, feeling clear warm pre-cum dripping from it.Yes, it’s highly erotic to hear him moan and writhe over you and it’s like you can feel every nerve of his screaming for more attention, for release.

You gently push him off from you, making him lie down, onto the mattress. He goes up on his elbows and stares at you in awe as you go down on him, taking your time and pleasure in licking your way toward his crotch. You want to see, to feel him and his skin is soft under your tongue as you dip it into his navel making him hiss a fuck and buck his hips. You are memorizing how his skin tastes on your tongue, the way he smells and how the scent gets more strong, powerful and musky with you getting past his navel.

You hiss softly when his cock for the first time slides on your cheek, sticky wetness smearing over your skin and you quickly understand that you are standing there, between his spread legs. Yes, you quickly understand that you’ve reached the point where you were heading for.

“No!” He moans throwing back his head not making in missing you closing your lips over his glans sucking off the driping pre-cum. Your tongue becomes your eyes as you slowly begin to swallow inch by inch his cock.

He moans pushing his hips upward. You stop sucking and Mike groans in frustration.

“Say it, Mike.” You moan sounding like a cheap whore with your lips barely an inch from his cock. Warm air puffing over his glistening glans.

“Oh ... W-What?” He asks trying to restrain himself from not push you back on his cock.

“I-I love you.” He stammers gritting his theet.

“No. Say it.” You repeat, carefully spelling each word.

“Oh fuck!” He hisses starting to massage the large base of his cock. “W-What?”

“You know what.” You whisper giving a long lick to his moving fingers, your tongue dripping saliva on them.

“N-No I dunno.” He cries out now fully pumping his cock.

“Yes you know it.” You tease him unwrapping his fingers from his cock . “Don’t come.”

He hastily nods whimpering as you squeeze hard his cock. “I- I dunno Chester.”

“Ok.” You finally shrug going back to suck his cock. After few more sucks, you slowly take it out from your mouth and you know that long, sticky threads of come mixed with your own saliva are coming out as you take away from your lips his glans.

“Help me.” You only say, blindly reaching for one of his hands and when he raises one toward you, your fingers quickly goes to wrap tightly around his.

He doesn’t expect you to straddle his chest and then push your ass on his face. You are doing this like is the most natural thing to do in the world. You don’t know why but you are feeling a bit disappointed.

“Please.” You only ask with a strange and unknown feeling eating you alive. It’s like you want to yell and cry out something that is devouring you inside.

He doesn’t say a mere fucking word and you cry out in pleasure as he starts to lick at your asshole, wetting your puckered hole with saliva, pressing and swirling it harder and deeper into you.

Your mouth is opened in a silent gasp and his nails are digging into your skin. It’s not the first time that you are having sex but you don’t know why, it’s like you are experiencing it again. It’s like you never made it. Each sensation, each stroke of his tongue is amplified.

“Stop ah! Stop please!” You stammer lifting your ass off him.

“Ok.” He breathes smearing his saliva all over your ass cheeks. He then pulls you down for a breathless kiss, in which he devours your tongue, by now stoned by your strong musky scent.

You blindly reach for his cock giving two harsh strokes and he tears away his mouth from you, hissing a series of fucks.

“Say it.” You ask again.

“Oh Chester no please ... Fuck you!” He cries out as you tug again his cock.

You are straddling his hips and he quickly reaches down slapping your hand away from his cock.

“Please.” You moan and he shivers. Then you cover his hand who’s holding his cock by the thick base and you guide it toward your entrance.

“Oh fuck!” You softly moan arching with your back as he enters you. His thighs and stomach muscles trembling with the effort to not thrust the whole cock into you in one push.

“I love you.” You say leaning forward as he starts to slowly rock his hips. His fingers wrapped around your bony ones.

“What do you want?” You then ask.

He doesn’t reply and you are feeling short cut nails digging into your flesh as he’s urging you to move more quickly. A burning feeling eating you alive as he’s increasing his thrusts.

His fingers leave your skinny hips, cupping then your butt cheeks, thrusting in and out.

“I don’t know ... Maybe you.”

“Ah- Fuck ... Maybe?” You ask capturing his lips, your hands on his jaws and you forcefully push back making him cry out with each push and really you didn’t want to end like this, to make love to him in this way. No you didn’t want to be fucked raw but there’s something that is eating you alive, from the inside. It’s like you want to feel more, it’s like you need to mix pain with pleasure, it’s like you want to finally feel something that slaps life back into you. You that slept for so long, too long. You that were scared also of the sunbeams touching your skin. You, who want to be woken up from your numbness.

You tilt back your head feeling your orgasm approaching. Your hips snapping blindly as you seem unable to breath. You pull a sweaty hand over his eyes, covering them. Blinding him.

“I want you.” He says replying to the question that you asked moments ago. “I want you to stay ... stay with me-Fuck!” He moans loudly, spilling jets of seed deep into you. His cock pressing hard against your prostate.

“Oh fuck ... Finally!” You pant half crying as you shoot all over yourself and his stomach. Your asshole muscles still milking him.

There’s this kind of hiss ringing behind your ears and you think that it’s the first time you are hearing it, or maybe it was there but you weren’t giving a shit about it before the accident. You weren’t listening to it all taken instead in watching.

You remove your hand from his eyes and he sags back into the bed. You flop next to him, both of you struggling to regain your own breath.

There’s a long moment of silence then he turns toward you to kiss your lips.

“You finally said it.” You smile feeling sweat drying off you.

“What?” He asks sounding confused and also a bit sleepy.

“You wanting me to stay.”

“Ah?”

“I was always the one begging you to not leave me.” You say licking your lips still tasting him on them. “But you never said it to me. You wanting me to stay, to not leave you. Do you get it?”

He turns on his side looking carefully at you. “Yes.”

“Good.” You smile closing your eyes. You fall asleep with your head resting on his shoulder and he stares at you for a long moment a soft smile on his lips.

Yes, you are taking the first step in accepting that you need to understand and move on. You are letting him lead you outside your cage. Yes, outside like a bunch of months later, after the first time you understood that you needed to come out and see with his eyes that you weren’t climbing that hill alone. Seeing with new eyes.

* * *

“Chester?” He calls you.

“Oh yeah gimme a sec!” You reply swallowing down few more gulps of water, then spitting it down to the floor.

You walk beside him and you hit with your hips the guitar he has strapped around himself.

“Shit!” You hiss as he takes your shaking hand into his.

“It’s ok. Are you ready?” He asks as you sense Rob passing beside you and giving an encouraging pat on your shoulder.

You hastily nod, hearing thousands of screaming fans calling “Linkin Park!”

“Ok let’s go then.” He grins tugging at your hand.

You step out on the stage and the summery air is warm as you walk toward where the mic is standing. Mike waving to the crowd as he watches you carefully move through the stage then placing a hand around the mic.

They are calling you and you smile taking the mic off from its pole. And then ... then everything starts all over again, like yesterday, like before the incident and you ... you are feeling alive. Again.