Category Linkin Park

Relapse by malaiyas


Before starting, I'd like to note that there is drug usage in this story, and eventual Mike/Chester slash. I don't own any member of Linkin Park, but a girl can dream. That said, enjoy!

I couldn't begin to express the intolerable amount of stress that I'd been enduring. The divorce with Talinda was even more rough than I had imagined it would be, and every day, it became worse and worse. A custody battle was coming up soon, and it wasn't looking good for me. The last thing I had wanted was a divorce, but it became crystal clear that it was what was necessary. The arguments that were taking place between us so often were tearing us apart, and I became so sick of it that the submissiveness I eventually gave in to made me fear that I was losing myself in her. Neither of us were happy, and soon, I was taking it out on my children. With the demons of my past, I knew that wasn't the person that I wanted to be, nor was it the person that I was going to let myself become.

That was why a strong pang of guilt reverberated off the walls of my stomach as I stared at the four white lines in front of me. The remainder of the dreadful feeling had infiltrated my mind, and had successfully filled every previously unscathed crevice available. I thought of my kids, and cringed visibly, the familiar feeling of hot tears stinging my eyes. I thought of everything that I'd stood for after I'd recovered before, how I'd denounced the usage of drugs on so many different occasions, followed by the thought of where I was now, staring at the neatly cut powder as if it had been a matter of life or death.

"Just a quick fix," I muttered, wiping away the tears that had spilled from my eyes. "Soon, it will be all better."

I dropped to my knees before the glass table, staring down at the lines on top of the mirror. I could see my reflection in the glass, and the sight of my contemplative eyes was almost enough to make me reconsider, but then the burden of everything going on in my life resituated itself up on my shoulders. As I felt its weight, I grabbed the rolled up twenty dollar bill, placed it at the end of the line, held down on my other nostril, and with one sharp inhale, snorted the white powder. I looked at the remaining lines, and the guilt from earlier resettled in the pit of my stomach.

"No turning back now," I murmured, and proceeded to snort the rest of the drug.

It wasn't long before the familiar rush that I'd almost forgotten coursed its way through my veins. The feeling of euphoria washed away all of my problems, and absorbed me in the feeling that I'd tried to erase from my memory for so many years. But it was just a quick revisit to the past, and it was over. It was over and I didn't miss it... did I?

Several hours had passed, and I'd managed to fall asleep. My high, which had lasted only about 15 minutes, left me feeling depressed and left with me a desire to take more, so I went to bed to try to sleep off the feeling. The frantic ringing of my cell phone next to me was what had woken me up, though I'd woken up too late and had missed the call. When I checked my phone, I saw that I had missed 27 phone calls, all of which were from Mike. My phone rang again, meaning I had yet another message, on top of the 18 that had been left. I sighed and simply dialed the familiar digits, trying to forget about what I'd done just hours earlier.

"Chester! Where the fuck have you been?! I must've called you at least 30 fuckin' times!" Mike yelled, and I could hear the panic in his voice. By then, the high I'd experienced earlier had long since passed, but I still didn't know what to make of Mike's tone.

"Okay, okay, Mike. What is it? I'm here now," I said into the phone, my voice filled with sleep. I could hear him take a breath, on the other line, and it was a shaky one.

"Joe and Dave have been in a car accident," he said, his voice cracking, and I could tell that he was trying to avoid breaking down right there.

"Shit, are they alright!?" I shouted, sitting straight up in my bed, suddenly feeling wide awake.

"I-I don't know, Chaz. I don't know, the doctor told me something a bunch of times, but I couldn't make myself listen to what he had to say. You gotta get down here, man," he said. I nodded, almost thinking that he could see me. "Chester!?"

"Sorry, man, I'll be there as fast as I can."

"Be careful, Chaz. We don't need another in the hospital," he said, and I hung up without a response.

I did not drive carefully to the hospital, and I only narrowly avoided about three accidents. Mike couldn't possibly think that his words would be enough to control the way I drove when I was upset about something. I made it to the hospital in one piece, however, and my car was unscathed as well. I rushed into the hospital, running aimlessly around the place. I had no idea where the hell I was going, as the place was rather large.

I couldn't help but think over how fast the events of the night had happened. Here I was, lost in a hospital, searching for the waiting room my friends were in. Hours earlier, I had revisited a part of my past that I thought I'd pushed so far into the back of my mind that it had no chance of ever resurfacing, and yet, there it was, staring me in the face. Then, hours after that, two of my best friends were laying in a hospital bed, and I had no idea what was going on aside from that because Mike's hearing seems to just go out on him when he's upset. He gave me no idea where I was supposed to go, just said to get to the hospital, and that was it. I fished in my pockets for my cell phone and irritably dialed his number.

"Where are you!? Are you okay?" I heard his voice answer. I didn't know if I should have smiled or not.

"I'm at the hospital. The question is where are you?" I responded, feeling a headache announcing its arrival.

"Come to the second floor, it's room 247B. They're sharing a room, but right now, we're in the waiting room of that general area," he said, so quickly that I'd almost had trouble understanding him.

"Alright. I'm on my way up, then," I said, then hung up the phone and made my way up the stairs to the second story.

When I got there, Mike was pacing, Brad was sitting in a chair, his leg moving up and down so rapidly I thought he might just fly away, and Rob was sitting down, too, cradling his head in his hands. Mike was the first to notice me.

"Chester!" He called, and I jogged over to him, and he drew me into an embrace, as if he was relieved that I'd gotten there in one piece.

"I'm here," I whispered, wrapping my arms around him until I felt him starting to pull away. "Any news?" I questioned, though as nervous as Mike seemed, he was the only one capable of speaking coherently. Brad just looked up at me, forced a smile, then shoved his fingers in his mouth and proceeded to destroy them, while one might think that Rob's brain had walked away and left his body sitting there. Regardless of Mike's coherency, however, he shook his head sadly. No news. I nodded.

"Does anyone want coffee or anything? I saw a cafe just across the street. I could get something, and if you hear anything, call me," I said, desperately needing caffeine. Mike shook his head, not wanting anything, and no one else answered me. I shrugged my shoulders and headed downstairs, exiting the hospital and heading towards the cafe. I thought of how conveniently placed it was, across from a hospital, though aside from that, I paid it no more mind. I was too concerned with other things.

Like the fact that my divorce was sour, I might be losing my kids, I snorted coke, and now, as if there wasn't enough on my mind before, Joe and Dave were in the fucking hospital!

"Sir, can I help you? Sir? Sir?" The woman behind the counter asked. I snapped out of my thoughts and nodded.

"I'm sorry. Thinking about a lot of things," I said with a weak smile. She nodded understandingly, as if she'd known that I'd just come from the hospital. "In any case, can I just have a cappuccino?" She asked me something else, but my mind wandered again and I didn't hear her, so I just nodded my head. I paid and she gave me the drink, and it was back to the hospital I treaded.

The weather was miserable. Cold and dreary, though no snow had fallen just yet. It was so cold that I could see my breath, and though I was mildly amused at that, I still hated this weather. The only thing that was truly experiencing any warmth were my hands, and that was because they held tightly to the hot cappuccino I'd ordered moments prior. I took a sip of it and then ran my tongue over the roof of my mouth. I'd burnt myself, and I'd cursed aloud, eliciting the glares of many strangers with children. I smiled sweetly and continued on my way to back to the hospital. Fuck them, I'd probably never see those people ever again anyway.

When I'd gotten back inside the hospital, the warm air was almost shocking in comparison to the previous cold that I'd just been in. I met back up with the guys, only to find that, unsurprisingly, there was no news regarding neither Dave nor Joe's progress. We were left in the dark on someone else's agenda. How completely disconcerting. After a nurse had, once again, informed us that they didn't know much yet and were still checking for specific issues, I lost my temper. Another twenty minutes of waiting only to find out it was twenty minutes wasted, waiting to be told that they don't know anything.

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" I yelled, standing up. Mike snapped his head up to look at me, as if trying to plead with me to stop with his eyes. "Are they ever going to fucking know anything, or should I just go in and fucking examine them myself?"

"Chaz, c'mon..."

"No! The least they could do is tell us something. All this time has passed, and you're telling me that they know fucking NOTHING? You mean to tell me that they've, what, just been fucking standing in there picking their fucking noses?" I yelled, disappointed that they couldn't even tell us how things were coming along. No one wanted the actual results, but a little update here and there to tell us how things were looking for them didn't seem like it was too steep of a request. Why no one else could grasp this, I didn't understand. The nurse just gave me a smile, which made me want to punch her in the face.

"Sir, you're going to have to calm down--"

"This is such fucking bullshit. Just tell me how things are looking for them, that's all I want to fucking know! I'm not asking if they're going to be alright, I'm asking how fucking serious their injuries are. Why the fuck won't you people TELL ME?" I knew I probably should have calmed down. I didn't want to end up in restraints, and I knew that this sometimes happened.

"Please calm down. I understand this is an emotionally distressful time, but have a seat, have some water, and we'll be right with you. The doctor should be out shortly."

"You said that the last time you came out here," Mike muttered, though she pretended she didn't hear him. She just gave us a nod and headed back into the room. I could see Rob and Brad both eyeing me, and I was somewhat surprised that they were able to move. I stared back at them both for a minute, expecting them to say something in regards to my distasteful display of frustration. All I got out of them were two weak, forced smiles.

"They're going to be fine," Brad stated softly, nodding his head confidently, though his tone implied that even he didn't believe what he was saying. Rob stared down at his shoes, nibbling lightly on his lower lip. Mike sat, slouched in his chair, his hands gripping onto his shirt so tightly that I thought he might rip the fabric. I still couldn't get over how fast it all happened. The events of the night kept replaying over and over again in my head on an endless loop that seemed to amplify itself the more I thought about it. I snorted coke, fell asleep, then needed to rush to the hospital. I could not get over it! It frustrated me, so I stood up and gave my chair a hard kick, then stalked off to the bathroom. I could feel the guys' eyes on me, but I didn't care. It was too much.

When I burst into the bathroom, it was empty, which I was grateful for. I needed a moment of self-reflection, a moment alone to gather my thoughts. I knew that Mike, Rob and Brad would remain in the waiting room; they'd known me well enough to know when they should follow me, and when they should leave me alone. For this, I was grateful, because I needed to be alone.

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