AN: I can always trust my family as a whole to get me into a mood... this is a product of that mood...

Watching

"I'm losing it..."

I rest my head against the cool surface of the mirror. There is nothing worse than seeing those eyes. It's as plain as day that the eyes were watching me...

It's just so obvious that everyone knows. They all know. They may not think that I know they know... but I do. It hurts even more that they would try to fool me into thinking that they actually care. It's crushing whats left of my already fragile heart...

They know... it's proven by those looks... those eyes.

Those... accusing eyes... The pain eats away at my soul. How could I be so careless? To let them see... to show my weakness. I set myself up for it. I know that too.

But its harder. Because everyone knows now... those eyes... they scream harsher murderous painful accusations.... it hurts more than verbal... Because I can see it... I can see it and its so obviously there.

I didnt want that pedestal that I was placed on. It burns. My legs are tired. I want to sit down. Step down from this pedestal that keeps me in public eye...

The eyes... they burn holes into my body... it hurts... it..

They all see it. Their eyes scream disgraceful... Even standing on stage... the crowd screams in applause, but I can see the truth... they were trying to keep me on that forsaken pedestal... They want to watch me... hawkingly... they want to point fingers... they want to pass judgement.

Walking down the street... I'm not safe... those eyes... everyone... thats all the eyes do.. they judge. They pass judgment on me. How could the world possibly know? They did. I suppose that is the only answer, and no explanation.

I dont even need an explanation. I dont deserve one. That's what the eyes tell me. They tell me I'm not needed. The thinly veiled disgust... I can see it all.

I see it in the eyes of everyone I come in contact with...

The old couple on the sidewalk, strolling hand in hand...

I can see it in the little children whose parents hold their hands even tighter as I pass by...

Worst of all... I can see it in my own eyes...

I dont deserve to live... that's what the eyes say...

And the eyes... when not the ones looking... never lie.

I feel like I'm suffocating on air... It's as infuriating as it is saddening. I feel like... simply giving up... but... I cant even do that... Or... can I?

I had to escape the eyes... I had to... But... Nowhere is safe. Nowhere will keep me sane. Nowhere... Where can I go?

I feel tears of frustration run down my cheek, and I'm surprised to hear a sob reaching my ears... I'm even more interested in the fact that the sound had come from my own mouth...

"I've lost it..."

I walk into my living room and sit down on the couch. No really... am I still crying...? I dont know anymore.

Who doesnt know? Everyone knows... everyone knows... they have to know... those eyes.. peircing me. Deadly... I want to die. NO... no... I dont want to die. There must be some place... somewhere... Is Nowhere truly safe...

Please... stop it! Stop BLAMING ME!!! I know I'm a disgrace to mankind... but... stop REMINDING ME!!!

"Chester?"

Looking up in surprise, I see... "Oh...God... No."

Oops... did I really say that outloud... No... please dont let Mike have the same eyes... I couldnt take that... I couldnt. I cant handle any more accusations... I just cant... I cant handle the hate, the expectations, the thinly veiled disgust... I cant... Not from Mike.

"Ches, What's wrong...?"

I look up. I half expected him to say that I could tell him anything... But I'm glad he didnt ask that. I taking a glaring chance, I stare into his eyes.

They held...

Nothing. Nothing but concern.

He sat down beside me...I'm not sure how I'm supposed to react. I think I'm going to end up hyperventilating... I blinked slightly when I realize he's wiped my tears away with his thumb.

I waited for him to say something along the lines of, 'why are you crying?' but he didnt he simply pulled his hand away and sat comfortably beside me.

"I..."

I dont know why I opened my mouth... No, yes, I know why.... I felt compelled to tell him why...

Simply because he didnt ask. I know he cares, but he's... well... He's Mike.

"I feel like... Everyone knows my secrets... which is... absurd.. really, but... It's like... it's..." I pause slightly...

I hadnt been looking at him, but I felt his eyes on me.

I glanced up, and was surprised at his understanding... a true understanding of what I was trying to say. Not just the faux phony understanding that one gets from a shrink... No... It was a kind of... I know exactly what you're talking about because I've been there look...

I gulp slightly... before looking down... again.

I hadnt seen any kind of expectancy in his gaze... no disgust... no accusation... just concern, and understanding...

I almost have to remind myself that this is Mike. Obviously my best friend/brother would understand. Why hadnt I thought of that before?

"I feel like... like... Nowhere is safe for me."

He gave me a curious look. But he didnt seem to want me to elaborate. And he hadnt said a word since his first three when he asked me what was wrong...

"Um... Mike?"

He turned to me but didnt say anything. "How did you get in?"

Raising an eyebrow in something akin to amusement, Mike simply says,

"Your door was open."

I roll my eyes slightly and watch him grin. Yeah, Mike always seems to bring what I've lost back to me...

He stood and walked over to the stereo system and looked through my dvd's...

"Wanna watch a movie?"

I blink slightly before saying "sure"

I mean... I suppose it's normal for us to just come into each other's home and feel.. well... at home. Like... whatever's his is mine, and whatever's mine is his...

Sometimes I wonder if we were soulfully compatable and were seperated and entered into different bodies just so we could find each other again...

He sits back down on the couch and relaxes, placing his arm across the back of the couch... Sometime during the movie, I had sleepily lain my head on his lap and stretched out on the couch...

After a moment of him playing with my hair, he spoke up...

"Chester?"

I blinked sleepily up at him.

"Yea?" Though I'm sure it came out as an 'mmm?' instead. I was too comfortable to move. With him, it was always that way... I'm always comfortable... not matter how harsh my thoughts raged war inside my head.. Im always most relaxed with my Mikey.

I realize he hasnt said anything.

I turn my head to look up into his contentment filled eyes... I always feel safe with my Mike.

I repeat, "Yea? Mike?"

A pause.

"I'll be your Nowhere."