Disclaimer- I do not own these characters in this story. I only plot them and try to kill them as if they were real. There was no harm done in the making of this story. And if there was I wouldn’t tell you because I want you to think this was a safe story. Well it’s not!

This is kind of a vision I had with my best friend Katie. I made this into a story but with different characters. Obviously. Please leave feedback for it’s always welcomed. I didn’t read over this story after I wrote it because it’s 1 AM and I’m frickin tired and if there is any mistakes, I’ll ignore them. Have fun reading this.

Peace.

You can’t always help me

To my lost friend,

We were thirteen at the time we met. I immediately grew attached to you in a friendship way sort of being. You and me would always hang out, always do things together and always always always be there for each other. Always.

Soon after we met, I grew to the point where I had a great amount of trust in you. You were almost like my body guard. Bullies would constantly pick on me and beat me up like any old day, but you were always there to protect me. I guess I was the nerd of the school, but that was ok with you even if you were pretty popular. We were still friends. I couldn’t wish for more.

My dad always told me you didn’t seem like a good friend because you always seemed to show up on my doorstep unexpected. I never told you this, but I loved it when you did that. It showed my parents that I did have friends and they needed to stop worrying about me. My mom loved you though, she basically adopted you the minute you came to me.

She was always asking, “Where’s Brad? Honey where’s your friend Brad?” I kind of grew sick of it after a while I guess. But I didn’t care. If her asking that meant being friends with you, I would do anything.

I was always trying to be like you I guess. After we turned 15, you got an awesome CD. I can’t remember their band name since it’s been too long, but I remember you would constantly be listening to them each minute you could. Me usually being the laid down type of music person, suddenly grew into a heavy metal punk rock kid. There again was another reason for my dad to claim you were a bad friend. Don’t worry, I never believed him.

You were the one person that got me to date girls. I kind of grew popular in high school. More popular then you. That was a shock. After our Sophomore year we didn’t hang out so much. I have to admit I never did noticed much. But I would remember when my mom would ask, “Where’s Brad? You guys used to be such good friends,” She said this as if I lost my memory and didn’t remember you. I guess I kind of felt that way at times.

You would still often show up on my doorstep, but either I wasn’t there or I had some friends over. My mom would invite you in anyways, but you would just give her a sad smile with a polite response, and go home. When she would deliver me the message later on that you had been there, I would just shrug and walk on. You weren’t my hero so much anymore. I guess I grew away from you.

Time flew by and one random day you appeared on my doorstep. It just happened to be I was all alone so you had me all to yourself. I didn’t talk much as I invited you in, I just kind of did my normal routine as if you weren’t there. You didn’t mind though, you just kept talking with the news.

“So I’ll be leaving next week then,” You said kind of sad. I continued to sort through my games barely listening.

“What was that?” I asked impolitely.

“Sorry, I’m leaving next week, to Southern California.”

“Oh, how long are you going to be gone?” I asked half mumbling.

“I’m moving.”

I stopped. “Oh...” At the same time I barely cared, I just thought it was odd you came here for that. When you mentioned leaving I thought you would ask me to watch your animals or something. “So... why are you.... here?”

You moved around on the couch nervously. “I just wanted to say goodbye I guess. I still have a week left though and I was hoping we could hang out you know, since I’m leaving and we probably won’t see each other again.”

“I can’t,” I said digging through my games again. “I got tons of days booked this week, it seems like my new friends take away all my time.” Suddenly you grew devastatingly sad.

“....oh.... ok.... I’d better go now then,” You said this faintly enough to where I could barely hear you. I figured it would be at least half nice of me to walk you out the door. I followed you as you go up to leave.

Just as you began to walk out the door, you turned to me and said, “We’ve been great friends, I will Miss you.” You then held out your hand to shake mine.

I just ignored it, mumbled some words along the line of “Uh-uh, bye.” Then closed the door, and didn’t see you again for a while.

For that next week I couldn’t sleep. Me and my mom spent so much time trying to figure out why I couldn’t, but finally a week later I realized why. I did something wrong. I planned the next day I would stop by your house and say a proper good bye. But I guess in life everyone can’t be on time for everything important.

As I stopped outside your house, I realized everything was empty outside. No cars, nothing. So there I was walking up to your front porch to see if you were home. I ringed the doorbell twice, no one came. So I walked myself to a window and looked inside, empty.

I stepped back half in shock and glanced around. No one was even near your property. I sighed a shaky breath and began to walk away. As I did this, a car pulled up with a little boy in the back and of course two parents in the front. I knew they were here to take the house. I just waved at them as they pulled up with curious looks, and walked away. Maybe the little boy in the back seat would turn out to be like me. God I hope not.

When I walked up to my porch after walking home, I knew that I had to change. And I did, maybe not for the good.

*Years later*

I was now officially a drugged out looser. I sit outside your house, once again as the people move away. This house must be cursed or something, no one can stay here long enough, or that I care about. The little boy I grew attached to in a way. I didn’t want him to be like me so I immediately became his friend. Too bad he’s moving now.

As their car and moving truck pull away, I see him in the back seat of the same car, waving good bye to me. I just turn my head away, not bothering to look. I see him in you.

After they’re gone, I pull a cigarette from my pocket and light it up with the lighter next to me. I picked up smoking not too long after you left. I also picked up drugs. I never had wanted to start taking drugs, it just kind of happened. When my mom found out she freaked and basically kicked me out of the house during the day. I only come back at night to eat and sleep. Sometimes I’ll sneak a shower in. my dad basically didn’t care, this time he said ‘Your friend never did stuff like this did he? He was such a good friend.’ I assumed he was talking about you.

Days pass and I still can’t stop thinking about you. Why did I go so wrong? How come I ended up like this? I ponder these annoying questions as I blow smoke from my mouth. I could care less.

This random night I happen to be walking in the park, alone. My friends all ditched me when I became a depressed loser and never talked to them again. I was too busy trying to get hits from drugs anyways to bother. I happened to be walking by the street when a cop car pulls up next to me. I glance at him as his car comes next to me.

He pulls over and puts his car in park as he steps out. I glance over my shoulder again but ignore him. I know he’s here for me but I act like I don’t know this.

“Excuse me,” he calls out. I just turn around and look at him. “Might I ask why you’re outside at night while it’s freezing?” I didn’t notice the cold till now, the drugs kind of make me numb.

I just look to the sky and ponder for an answer. “I wanted to walk.” I say this with an innocent voice, not wanting to start a challenge.

“I don’t suppose you stopped by any dealers in the park now did ya?”

I just shake my head. Maybe that was a stupid idea but he came to me. He walks over to me and asks me to come to his car. Great. Now a search.

As he puts me against his car he feels my pockets for any hidden treasures. He then pulls out my cigarettes and my ... oh great.... drugs.

“Might I ask what this is?” Once again, I just shrug. “What is it?” He asks with a more demanding voice.

“What the hell do you think it is?” I ask to him. Bad idea.

“It’s drugs kid, I know what it is.” Then why’d he ask?

He then looks around my clothes for more hidden items but comes up empty handed. Then he pulls my hands back and cuffs my wrists together. Now what do I tell my mom?

As I now sit in the back of this cop car as we drive away, I start to feel the hot liquid in my eyes. I’ve screwed up so much, but it was only to find you again.

*days later*

I was then admitted to a drug counseling unit. It’s ok, not too much fun but it’s better then jail. I stay there day and night and I will get released when I can prove I won’t touch the drugs again. If it weren’t for the addiction I constantly have, no I wouldn’t. But life’s more hard then that.

It didn’t seem like too long into this place I saw a familiar face walking to hallways with a notepad in hand. I was sitting in the lounge at this time in a group meeting so no one seemed to notice my absence from the group watching this person. He looked quite professional, my age. I watched his face as he passed and he too looked at me. He smiled and waved but walked on.

For days the face of this person bugged me. I felt like I knew him, but the drugs screwed my mind up so much, I can barely remember anything.

Within the next few days I kept seeing him walk by and every time he would smile and wave at me. I kept growing with more and more anticipation to know who he was and why I remembered him so much.

At a certain time I remember he would walk in the same hallway as I did when I went back to my room. As I passed you in the hallway, our eyes met and then it hit me. It was you.

I stopped in my tracks but you kept walking. As I turned around I still saw your figure moving away. “Brad....’ I said barely above a whisper. You didn’t hear me but I knew I was right. “Brad!”

You stopped and looked back. You just stood there looking at me. I’ll admit it hurt to look into your eyes and still you didn’t know me. “It’s me....” And still you looked confused.

“We were friends for the longest time and then you moved!” I started to walk closer to you now and you looked slightly alarmed.

But then it hit you.... “Oh my God!” You then looked surprised but then sad. “Is it really you?”

I nodded.

“You’re so different. Who are you now?”

I just shrugged. “I barely even know.”

But it was from then on we were inseparable again. After I got out of that place, we were how we were day after day as young teens.

“You just look so different, I guess it was the drugs.”

You were referring to the time we met again and you couldn’t recognize me. The drugs did have a change. I’m a lot smaller now too.

But you know how I was saying we were friends again? Well in my life, good things never stay for long.

It was a foggy and chilly night we were walking home from the movies. The movie theatre wasn’t but three blocks from your house so we figured it was easier to walk then drive. As we walked through the playground of a elementary school, a man appeared out of no where. I knew him from the second I saw him. I was in trouble.

When I got arrested I never paid off my drug payments. Drug dealers don’t take missing payments too kindly. After I told him over and over again I would pay him back, he still insisted I was dead meet this second. The truth was I barely had any money now since I was just sprung from rehab. I still needed a job and in today’s world as you would know, that’s hard to gain. But the drug dealer didn’t care.

Like old times, you stuck up for me and told him he would get the money. He didn’t listen to you either. As he pulled the black object out from his pocket and aimed it near me, you suddenly jumped into him making the blow direct somewhere else. It still hurts to this day to remember the look on your face as you lay on the ground dying.

All I could do was say I was sorry for not being a friend when we were teens. Sorry for everything. But you just gave a weak smile and told me it was ok, we were still friends. Then you went silent and your eyes seemed to relax. Your breathing stopped and your expression became silent. I knew I screwed up again.

My counselor had me write this letter and he wants me to set it on your grave. He says it will make me feel better when I come to think of you. I hope he’s right. Writing this letter to you has helped me realize so many things about our past. I just wish you were still alive so I could be there again for you, like you were for me. The night you died I always thought you could protect me like you did when we were younger. But I guess I need to gain my own wings in life and move on. I guess you can’t protect me. But it’s ok, I’ve moved on now and I know what to do in life.

Did I tell you I’m off the drugs now? I’ve got a good job too. And guess what. I got a kid, he’s a little boy who so precious to me. I plan to take care of him like I never did for you. I named him a familiar name, Brad. Now I can make up for the mistakes I made in you to him. I hope he grows up to be just like you. I know he’ll be great. Every day me and him get into a fight, I sit there afterwards and tell him about you, and why I love him so much. He doesn’t seem to understand yet. I hope he will in time.

I just ask of you to watch over him while you’re in Heaven. He’s my little angle and I want him to be safe. Yeah.

I just want to say how much I care for you and how sorry I am you ended like you did for me. Brad, I’m so sorry. Can you forgive me? I didn’t want to start crying in this letter, but I can’t help it. I just miss you so much.

I’m going to end this letter now and set it where you lie in peace. Please read this letter carefully. I want you to know how much I care and how sorry I am. If I didn’t ignore you like I did as we were younger, you wouldn’t be dead. I wanted to change for you, but I made a mistake. Please understand.

Your beloved friend,

Rob