Category Linkin Park

Gone by ShadowGraffiti

Easier to Run


by Shadow Graffiti

A/N: If it is not evident in the story, this is NOT slash!!!! I tried to make it obvious that there is no slash intended. I would explain why I wrote this, but that would spoil everything, so I will explain at the end ^_^

Easier to Run

chapter 1

Numb. Everything. I felt nothing. I was just numb… I wasn’t aware of the voices around me. I didn’t hear them, and even if I had, I doubt I would have been able to comprehend what they said. I just walked away from the nurse, staring straight ahead, ignoring the other four band-members. I don’t know if they followed me, but if they did, I failed to notice. All I knew was that I was numb…

I did not call for a taxi. I did not ask for a ride from someone else. Instead, I walked down the steps of the hospital and began up the street, absolutely no idea of where I was going. I did not feel the rain as it beat down on me, nor was I aware of the cold wind that was creeping through my clothes, forcing me to shiver. I felt nothing. Just cold numb…

My eyes stayed on the ground, but I did not see it. My feet crunched over the leaves, but I did not hear it. Nothing found its way inside my mind, because as I said, I was numb. I was devoid of any and all thoughts, a sense of nothingness descending on me.

I was humming a soft, sad tune, though I did not know where it came from. I had a feeling I’d been humming it for awhile, unaware I had started. Slowly, my mind began to grip the familiarity of the song. And then, like an explosion in my head, I began to sing out loud.

“If I could change, I would… take back the pain, I would… retrace every wrong move that I made, I would. If I could stand up and take the blame, I would… if I could take all the shame to the grave I would…”

The words sounded so familiar, and my throat formed the sounds, my lips carving them, without any thought. It made little sense to me, but I did not think long on it at all. I simply kept singing.

“If I could change, I would… take back the pain, I would… retrace every wrong move that I made, I would. If I could stand up and take the blame, I would… if I could take all my shame to the grave…”

Then, different words found a place inside my mind. It was not my voice singing them… they were not the words I had preformed for so many…

Everything began to fade away until the voice was all that was left. My line of vision was narrowing, but it made little difference, for I was not seeing anything my eyes rested on. The only light inside the numb of my mind was that voice, and those words…

And suddenly, it all came back. It was like a rush, flooding my veins and pulsing through my body till it consumed me. Images rushed through me head… him, just lying there, so still… so still…

I hardly noticed as I began to run. I wanted to escape it all, fight it, make it go away… I wanted it all to go away… I tried to stop the images, but they wouldn’t leave me alone. In the back of my mind, the song still rang, still with his voice.

“It’s easier to run… replacing this pain with something numb… it’s so much easier to run… then face all this pain here all alone…”

My foot caught on something, and I crashed to my knees. An involuntary cry escaped my lips, almost startling me. I didn’t understand… but I had let that cry of the pain I hadn’t even been aware of escape. Now, different cries were flooding my throat and pouring out my mouth before I could stop them, but they were not the same. They, too, were filled with pain, but it was the pain I felt inside. They were sobs, each ringing with the emptiness within me… the part of me that had been ripped away, never to return, nothing but a hole that would stay there forever.

“Mr. Shinoda?”

A woman’s voice played in my head, and it frightened me. I began shaking my head, squeezing my eyes shut.

“May I speak with you a moment?”

I put my hands over my ears, trying to block out the memory, shaking my head even more.

“It’s about Mr. Bennington.”

“No… no… no…” I began to whisper soft denials, trying to stop what I knew was to come. Tears began to spill from my eyes, streaming down my cheeks, and my fingernails were digging into my scalp from where I held my ears so tightly. “No… no…”

“I’m sorry, sir. Chester is dead.”

My head exploded with pain while everything inside me faded away. My head spun, and white-hot pain seared through it, consuming all I felt. Memories danced across my mind… all of us laughing together, oblivious to everything else. He had been so happy… so happy… I saw him and Samantha together, and how much they had… the love they had shared. I saw him and his son, pride shining in his eyes like nothing I had ever seen. Voices rang through my head… his voice, telling me about the past few others knew. He had made it through so much to finally be happy…

And now, it was gone. Everything. His life was over. He had left. He was gone forever…

More memories shot through my head. I remembered him telling me how he had wanted to make the perfect life for his son and his wife. He had wanted to show Draven everything… wanted to make him happy… wanted to show his son the world…

So many dreams mounted on so much pain…

His face and his voice would not leave my mind. I could not bring back the numb I had felt. I could not block it all out. I could not force the memories to leave. I could not chase the reality away…

And I could not bring him back.

He had been one of my best friends, professionaly and non-professionaly. We had spent almost every waking moment together, whether we wanted it that way or not. From the embarassing accidents that always insue when you spend so much time with someone to the thrill of walking onstage and being greeted by people who loved us… we had shared it all, forming a bond that was probably impossible to succeed without.

And it had been shattered. Shattered, like me… like my hope as it had fallen to the floor… fallen to where I now sat amongst the ruins. I remained in the middle of the impossible puzzle, tears burning down my face for every time we had spent, every time we had laughed, every time we had joked, every time we had talked…

The pain was becoming too much, forcing my mind into yet another numb, though this time, it was a numb that came from falling into darkness. Everything but the pain was fading away. From somewhere far away, I heard screaming, and soon realized it was my own voice. I did nothing to stop it, but simply continued, throwing my head in the air and screaming for all I was worth.


Then, I finally gave into the pain.


A/N: Well, did you like? Please send feedback!!!! I have chapter two ready, I just need some encouragement from you guys… I came up with this idea when Chester was in the hospital, and I thought Mike sounded both sad and scared (for Chester, i mean). Once again, no slash was intended ^_^ Hope you liked it!!!

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