Category Linkin Park
Chester rolled his eyes and stared at the door, he wanted to get up and answer it, but he was also content to sit in his chair and block out the world outside.
He turned back to the TV, ignoring his visitor and continued to watch the blank screen. The silence resonated though his home, attacking his every thought and desire. He wanted to throw his new furniture at the walls, smash the windows, drink himself to oblivion and pollute his new apartment with smoke.
Screaming would have felt good.
The palms of his hands bore marks of his short fingernails.
He closed his eyes and ground his teeth.
Listening to loud music would have been his escape had this happened 4 years ago, but he had to keep it together.
His body yearned for comfort...
...or just a synthetic release.
"CHESTER!" A concerned voice followed the pounding on his door "I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!"
Chester slowly got up and walked towards the door, not really wanting to see anyone but hoped this someone would understand and leave if asked to.
"What do you want Rob?" Chester asked opening the door to let the drummer in.
Rob stood at the door and stared at the vocalist, unable to hide the shock from his face. He'd expected Chester to look a mess, unclean hair and dirty clothes. He'd feared finding empty bottles of beer and packets of cigarettes littering the floor of unpacked boxes. A millions different images raced through his mind as he'd stood at the door, finding Chester dead on the bathroom floor with sliced wrists to drowning in his own vomit with a dirty syringe in his arm.
"Rob?" Chester asked again cutting through his younger friends gaze.
"Yeah," Rob smiled sadly and shook his head "I just came to check that you're alright."
"I'm fine," Chester sighed and turned to walk back into his lounge area.
Rob followed, unable to keep the desire from his face as he watched the clean shaven and unbelievably good smelling man sink into the sofa of his bordering on obsessively clean and tidy lounge.
"I can see that," Rob said scanning the rest of the apartment "I just tho-"
"Well, as you can see I'm just peachy," Chester snapped and lowered his head into his hands "I'm sorry, I ju-"
"IT'S NOT!" Chester yelled kicking the coffee table and grasped at his hair, pulling the short strands between his fingers and gritted his teeth against screaming. "I'm trying to stay focused," he blinked away the tears that had been threatening to spill since he moved into his new home "I can't get angry, I can't get drunk, I can't afford to lose it. I have to have everything perfect or I'll lose him."
"You're allowed to be upset," Rob smiled placing a hand on Chester's back "they can't stop you from seeing your son and Samantha understands how hard this is for you, she's not going to stop you seeing him if you show a little emotion."
"If I start now, I won't stop," Chester sighed looking up at Rob "Can we talk about something else please?"
"Yeah," Rob shrugged "What?"
"I don't know," Chester frowned "what did you do today?"
"I read some of the message boards today," Rob stuttered nervously not wanting to meet Chester's angry glare "I think everyone knows now."
"Well, we all knew I couldn't keep it a secret forever," Chester sighed and reached for his packet of cigarettes "What are they saying?"
"Not much, not on our message boards anyway," Rob let out a small chuckle "the moderators are power happy and love pressing the edit button. They've now put up notices in every forum telling the users to respect your privacy and they are doing a search for words like divorce, Samantha, Draven, it's really strange."
"Well it gives them something else to do, other than having to read countless threads about how hot we all are."
"But they're making things worse," Rob yelled, he always got overexcited when discussing the rules on the LPU, "it just means they go and post about it somewhere else and then all sorts of rumours start. I'm sure I've been accused of dating Brad's wife on one of them."
"So what are they saying?" Chester smiled, trying to keep Rob from going off on another one of his 'freedom of speech' rants.
"Surprisingly, everyone's really shocked and sad," Rob smiled sadly "I don't think anyone saw this coming, yeah they noticed you weren't wearing your wedding ring in the pictures of you from Puchet, but everyone is still really shocked."
"They're sad?" Chester asked surprised by what he was hearing.
"Yeah, most people are saying how difficult this must be for you and actually being very supportive," Rob smiled silently congratulating himself for being right about the rules being a waste of time. "Yes there are a few people that overjoyed at the thought of you being single, but even they ar-"
"Sorry, I shouldn't have said that." Chester shook his head and leant back against the couch. He knew it was unfair bringing Rob's feelings up, but at present he didn't seem to have much control about what he said.
"No, you shouldn't have," Rob frowned, edging further away from Chester and staring down at the floor "but I'm not going to pretend to be miserable for you. You weren't happy, your marriage was a mess and it wasn't fair on either you or Sam and certainly not good for Draven. And yes I am happy, because now you actually have a chance to be happy too."
"Don't what?" Rob stood and turned to face Chester "Don't care? Don't hope? Well I'm sorry Chester, but I'm not as good as you at turning off my emotions."
"I can't," Chester shook his head and again lowered it into his hands. This was an argument he could do without having today. "I just can't, not now. I've got Draven to con-"
"Don't you dare blame it on your son," Rob spat. "For the past two years you've pushed me away every time we got close and blamed it on your family commitments. I accepted it then, but not now. You wouldn't be saying no if he was asking would you?"
Chester's head shot up, the realisation hitting him that Rob knew.
"You don't even deny it," Rob laughed and shook his head, walking backwards away from Chester. "Well where is he? Has he spoken to you? Has he been around here trying to comfort you? Or even check that you're okay? Well has he?"
"No." Chester stood up, if only so he didn't feel like he was being talked down to. He shamefully watched his shoes as he uncomfortably shifted from foot to foot.
"And did you really expect him to?" Rob snapped, wanting to shake some sense into the older man "I know how he makes you feel, he's done it to me. IT'S THE REASON WE CALL HIM THE FUCKING GLUE!"
"When you're with him he gives you one hundred percent attention and can make you feel that you are his everything," Rob sighed at the stupidity of the man he adored. "It's almost impossible not to fall for him, but you have to remember it's an act. He uses you. You were his singer and he was using your talent to better his own career. When we did that thing with Jay-Z, did he even look at you on stage? Once Jay walked through the door, he didn't want to know you.
And where is he now? Where is he when you need him the most? Probably off plugging his new solo album or attending some celebrity party showing off his wife's new breasts."
"But we ha-"
"It was easier than jacking off!" Rob shouted knowing sometimes you had to be cruel to be kind "that’s what he said, 'it was easier than jacking off' right after he finished fucking you."
"He said that?" Chester sat back down, he didn't realise anyone even knew that he and Mike had once been intimate.
"He made a huge joke about it whilst you were still asleep," Rob frowned "if he'd cared he would have stayed with you and been there when you woke up, like I did."
"He told me he loved me," Chester whispered quietly to himself as tears started flooding down his face.
"He does," Rob said dropping to his knees in front of Chester "just not like you want him to, or need him too."
Chester cried and Rob softly ran his fingers through the singer's hair, shushing his tears. It broke Rob's heart everyday watching the man he loved with Mike. It sickened him how selfish Mike could be.
Rob always accepted Sam, she was pleasant and impossible to dislike, and she came as part of the 'Chester package'. When they had a child, Rob was happy for them both; he'd always loved seeing Chester smile. Like it or not the Bennington's were a family and Rob wasn't going to break that apart, it wasn't their fault he'd fallen in love with Chester. He'd respected Chester's answer of 'No' whilst he was still married. As guilty as they had both felt afterwards, the one night they had shared together had been perfect.
They had been sharing hotel rooms all tour and neither had really noticed how close their friendship had become or when it crossed the boundary of feeling more. Their playful and flirtatious behaviour just became a part of their routine. Rob opened up when he was alone with Chester, they'd spend hours just talking about simple things or crying in each others arms when the pressure of touring and being away from loved ones became unbearable. The relationship didn't cross a physical boundary until the last night of the tour. Neither one had planned it, nor were they surprised when they found themselves kissing each other lay on Chester's bed.
For the past two years Rob has wished Chester would say that word to him again. That was the word where any embarrassment or awkwardness was lost as Rob got up mumbling an apology. The word where Rob lost any self control and gave into a passion he wasn't even aware he had.
Chester knew there was no going back after he'd said that, he didn't care and he wasn't afraid. The one night they'd spent together felt right and any thoughts of his family were put aside. It wasn't until the next morning when he awoke in Rob's arms and felt Rob's lips kissing his neck that he realised what he'd done. The memory of watching Rob's eyes fill with tears still pained him to this day, the sound of his inconsolable sobs and the way his body shook each time Chester said that it couldn't happen again.
Chester tried to distance himself from Rob after that, not that he regretted what happened, he just couldn't put either one of them through that talk afterwards again. So each time Rob looked at him in the way his heart longed for, he'd say 'No', lower his head and call his wife. And by distancing himself from Rob, he became a target for Mike.
Mike was spoilt and suffered typical only child syndrome, much to the dislike of his younger brother. He was used to getting his own way and had the ability of making you go along with anything he said, whether you agreed or not. He was persuasive and found it easy to manipulate people, not that he was malicious or had an evil master plan to take over the world with his Linkin Park Empire. Mike knew what he wanted and if you could help him achieve that, then for the time you were together you were his best friend. When you're with Mike nothing else matters and no one else matters. You won't even consider him using you as you're left feeling like he gave you just as much, if not more back.
Of course, Mike didn't know about Chester and Rob, although it's difficult to say whether they would have still fucked had he known. He might have been a little more tactful about his joking the next day. Chester had been moping around, having had an argument with Rob, and Mike was putting all his energy into making Chester a happy band member and more pleasurable to tour with. One thing led to another during a lyric writing session on the studio bus and after that Chester seemed a little happier.
That tour finished and Chester returned home. His wife didn't make him feel special, she didn't have the energy to stay up all night and talk about why God made cow's so funny looking, she didn't notice when he got down and she didn't lightly pat his ass every time they crossed paths. He continued to dote on his son, spending all the free time he could watching him play and develop as a special little individual. A strange silence grew between Chester and his wife, as she compared him to how he used to be and he listed all the things she wasn't. The silence became tension, through tension came fights that started over stupid things like a raised toilet seat, and then came separation and finally divorce.
"Can we leak his album onto the internet?"
"No," Rob laughed wiping Chester's tears from his face and kissed his forehead "but we could do one song."
"The one about Anna?" Chester grinned. "Let them talk about his personal life."
"It's cruel but justified," Rob smiled back and resisted the urge to kiss Chester. "Plus he'd never in a million years think either one of us would do that."
"Thank you," Chester said and pulled Rob into a tight hug.
Rob happily held Chester, pulling him off the couch and onto the floor with him. He ran his hands up and down Chester's back and softly kissed his neck, just once and although it wasn't a platonic gesture and nothing between them ever would be, Rob was happy for it to go no further. "I'm sorry I shouted at you. I just want you to be happy and if you don't want to be with me then I can accept that, but please don't waste your life pining over him."
Chester drew back from Rob's embrace and looked directly into the drummers eyes; he hadn't expected to see tears and wished that Rob would blink them away. He closed his eyes and rested their foreheads together. "I won't," he whispered and leant closer to gently kiss Rob's lips.
Rob pulled Chester onto his lap kissing Chester back, running his hands under Chester's shirt and up his back. Chester gasped at the coldness of Rob's hands and jumped back.
"I'm sorry" Rob blushed and tried to get up from underneath Chester "I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry, I'll leave."
Chester grasped Rob's arm as he tried to stand and pulled him back down "Stay."