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Reading My Eyes by SonataNocturne

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From: BlackRivver

Date: 2018-09-17

Chapter: 15

Oh my heart! That was beautifully heartbreaking!! You took us through this painful yet beautiful sort of review of the show with great tact and sweetness. You even brought tears to my eyes...sniff. I love how you shifted from one of the guy's emotional torment to the other throughout the show. And I'm so happy Mike stayed strong! They all did. Makes me sad to think it must've been just as hard to them as you describe it here to pull through those three hours on stage. That ending with Brad tho. Ugh. Poor cupcake! And to think that really happened. :'( But at least here in your story we got a well-deserved hug for both him and Mike. Poor babies. I loved this!

From: Samweis

Date: 2018-09-14

Chapter: 15

Ok, I'm crying my eyes our right now... Every emotion from that day came back while reading. I think I was able to relate most of your described moments to moments from the show (would have been a bot easier with song-titles? Just saying, no critique, I guess you chose not doing it for a reason).

I barely remember how I made it through the livestream (it was really early in the morning at my place and I had to set an alarm clock to get up for it) and that I cried and laughed and panicked. Every emotion that you describe in Mike, Brad, Rob, Dave and Joe was also inside myself and when it was over I lost it and left the house for hours to walk through the rain because I couldn't handle my emotions. Reading this chapter makes me realising that you and many other maybe had the same experiences.

I watched the concert quite a lot in the months after and found reinsurance in it -

but couldn't do it in a few months now. Don't know why but I'm breaking down as soon as I start.


Ok, sorry for this rambling, back to the story ;) So, it was hard to read because if the re-living of emotions. But it also made the urge arise to actually watch it again, so maybe I will give it a try later. The way you catch the different moments is wonderful and how everyone tried to find a way to make it through the day and the show. I enjoyed the last moment most, because it shows how much Brad and Mike mean to each other and that they still are best friends and that they love each other deeply. Despite all the madness and shit that happened - in the moments were it matters they can trust each other and be there for each other. That was heartwarming <3

From: hattu

Date: 2018-09-05

Chapter: 14

Awww so nice to see mike slowly progressing. Yes he is not quite there yet, but the question is will he ever? But I like that he is trying to figure everything out.


And hearts to brad, I understand why he is careful to trust. I can understand that he is afraid to have mike falling apart again. I would be afraid too, since I guess he still not in a good place himself.

But I am glad he makes a few tentative steps towards mike and allows himself to trust him a little bit.


Can’t wait to read more!


Greetz

Hattu

From: BlackRivver

Date: 2018-09-01

Chapter: 14

I’m so glad they talked about it! It was definitely something that needed to be done. I really hope Mike gives them reason to trust him and powers through the show. I get why Brad can’t let go and trust him just yet. He’s afraid he’ll him if he does. I hope Mike shows them he can be trusted and that he is sticking around and won’t try to hurt himself anymore. I think the guys, and Brad specifically, need that assurance. Great update! My eyes got a little damp as I read it. :')

From: Samweis

Date: 2018-08-30

Chapter: 14

So happy that Brad was willing to talk to Mike. If you know each other that long and if you shared so much... it must have been hard for both to just not see each other. And guess it was not the first time that they had a different opinion, they managed before, and they will now!

The talk about Mike apologizing and Brad telling him how he had find him in the hotel was heavy... but also important to talk about that. Hiding feelings is wrong!

From: BlackRivver

Date: 2018-08-17

Chapter: 13

WhohoOoooOo! I finally caught up on this story! :D I read the first couple of chapters a while ago and only realized it now that I began reading it again. xD And I have to say, my heart hurts. You capture their emotions and the horrifying situation perfectly. And jeeeez...poor Mike :/ But damn does he have good friends. I have to be honest though, that I wanted to slap him over the head a couple of times. Especially when he keeps stomping on the guy’s attempts at making him feel better when they’re themselves hanging by a thread. Yes, he's hurting, but he needs to realize how much he's hurting everyone around him when they are just as broken as he is. And oh my god, I feel the most for Brad and Rob. Having to see him trying to hurt himself must have destroyed their already destroyed hearts. I'm actually surprised they haven't lost it. And Brad having to go through a second trauma by finding Mike like that, bleeding to death...damn. I feel like he should be having a major breakdown, but he can't because he's scared he'll lose Mike if he so much as turns his head for just a second. Such kind of stress on all of them after they've lost one of their best friends must be too much to bear. Poor them. Glad they have each other. They're all hurting after all. I'm so glad Mike is eating normally again and turning to song-writing. Good signs that he's moving forward right there. Hopefully he'll start spending time with Anna and the kids too. Even if just for a little while. He probably needs it. And the tribute show? Gooosh. I'm both looking forward and fearing reading that. xD I feel like Brad is using Mike as an excuse because he's the one who isn’t ready, hence why he lashed out. And I don't blame him. He's had to put his own grieving on hold. They all have. Hopefully Mike can be there for him in return now that he's getting a little better. I feel like Mike should talk to Brad about when he found him in that hotel room and ask how he's dealing with that. A painful, delicate subject, yes, and it would be hard for sure, but I guess it'd be one step more toward recovery. For both of them. And it might help Mike get better to focus on the well-being of his friends instead of just drowning in his own pain. Anyway, thank you for sharing this, Son! Must be tough writing about such painful events, so kudos to you. Can't wait for more!

From: Samweis

Date: 2018-08-16

Chapter: 13

Feels good to be back ;)


And I need to say it again: I love this story. It's hard to see all of them still being sad and angry and everything but it's also good seeing them together. We don't know how the actual decision making process for the Hollywood Bowl show was, but I can imagine that it wasn't a really smooth thing. I mean we know that Dave and Mike were the driving forces, but they always kind of are like that. I only hope that the other guys reacted a bit more positive in real life.

But for this story, it fitted really well. I mean I'm also doubting that Mike is really doing ok (not even using the word fine here) and I see where Brad is coming from. But maybe taking a next step is a good idea. Letting Ryan in and talking to him as already a big step and maybe - even though it feels too much and is awkward - maybe Mike just needs to make step after step to see where it brings him. They can't just expect him to get better when he is not "allowed" to think further and to take risks. So I think it is a good idea and I hope that they agree on that at some point. And that it is neither destroying any friendships nor any progress that any of the guys made in the last weeks.

From: Samweis

Date: 2018-08-09

Chapter: 12

Sorry for the late review, had a rough time. But finally, I can catch up!


The chapter was nice and hard to read at the same time. I mean everyone that listened to his new music and the interviews knows, that such a situation occurred in real life and it is heartbreaking to read the whole scenario. Even though its fiction - that's probably the way it happened, at a birthday party. I feel sorry for him and at the same time it seems to be something he just needs to deal learning with. And going out to the world (even though its just the garden of a friend) was a good step. it may not ended that well, but managing this is already great. So, it's getting better. Baby steps.

From: Samweis

Date: 2018-07-21

Chapter: 11

Hard one... Maybe also because this week just sucks. I still had to read it. I don't know why, but it's comforting to just dive into stories, even though they are PostTraumatic and sad.


I don't like that Rob is shutting down. Yes, he was talking to Brad when he came over. But he would have just laid there with all of this in his head if the other one would have not come by because he was worried. That frightens me. I understand that you need time for yourself, but he wasn't doing fine but drowning in bad feelings. And then you for sure shouldn't be alone.


Anyway, they need to do something. Go to a group-therapy (maybe then it's easier for Mike to say yes), be honest with each other (about their own feelings and the band and fears), move in together (a big house for all the guys and wives and kids?), change the location for a while... I don't know, it just hurts to see them like this :(

From: hattu

Date: 2018-07-20

Chapter: 11

Not the best day to read it, but I couldn’t wait.


Please Brad, why did you leave Rob? Yes Mike needs them, but that doesn’t mean everybody else should swallow their feelings.


It is good that Rob felt he needed a day for himself, but he should be ok with telling that the others. Not answering and not showing up is not helpful. On the other hand it may be Robs way to scream for help. Somebody go and hug Rob and give him a shoulder to cry on.


It is good that Mike ventures to music, I just hope the other don’t get lost now... like Rob said, what if he pulls thru but the other are still hanging because the concentrate only on getting mike better.


Just hoping for the best. Especially today.


Hope to read more soon!

Hattu

From: Samweis

Date: 2018-07-11

Chapter: 9

Wow, another really intense chapter. I think the first think that comes to my mind when reading all of this is "helpless". All of them don't know how to deal with their own emotions and how to take care of Mike and that must make them feel so alone and clueless what to do next.

Mike making music is good and he should share - the others will understand and maybe it will help them to help Mike. To know what is going on inside a person is necessary to make the right decisions.

The episode in the kitchen made me question if they are too overprotective. Mike can't stay in a bubble forever and taking everything off his hands is maybe also not the complete right thing to do. But I see their point, especially after Brad's little speech... That was a really heavy part to read. All this overloading emotions. And the sentence about Chester - it really made me cry. But it seemed to help Mike to understand.

The conversation with Joe was kind of awkward, but better talk about thoughts in your head then bottling them up!

From: hattu

Date: 2018-07-10

Chapter: 9

It is fascinating how you capture the grief! As sad as these chapters are, they are beautifully written!


The way you capture the feelings, leaves me speechless at a lot of points. You should never question why it made it to the list! It soo deserves to be there!


Liked to see Brad telling Mike off, really heartfelt! There is a point where harsh words a needed on both sides. Can imagine that Brad felt relieved and Mike might get it through his head that he is not the only one suffering. Well maybe he gets it already but to see how he adds to this grief with his actions.


„Just let us be the friend for you that we couldn't be for Chester“


That sentence killed me.... needed to take break


Not much more I can say here, love t read this despite the sadness.


Thanks for writing and sharing this!


Hattu

From: bag_full_of_stars

Date: 2018-07-09

Chapter: 9

You killed me... These are all real thoughts that people have when they grieve.. Very real chapter. Well done

From: hattu

Date: 2018-07-07

Chapter: 9

Woah…

Always need some time after I read your updates.


It is nice to see that they are there for each other, but it is also scary to see that they all seem to be getting closer to a breakdown beside Mike. They all focus on Mike so much, they know their all not alright, they try to support each other, but somehow it seems there is not enough time forvthem to look after themselves …


It’s good that mike called Anna, good to have her support. And that Jason showed up was so good. Sometimes a little push can be healthy.


Even though it might freak Brad out, it is good he felt it too! So he can relate to Mike and Mike knows it is not his mind playing tricks on them.


I hope they all find some point to take a breath, something for them to get some time to look after themselves. And for Mike some hope, something for him to see some light at 5he end of the tunnel.


Love how you get all of them together with all their different stages and points of struggle with Chesters passing.

Can’t wait for the next chapter!


Thanks!

Hattu

From: Samweis

Date: 2018-07-07

Chapter: 9

Ahhhhhhh!! Argh! What?! (sorry, emotionally overwhelmed I needed to let this out before I can write a few more coherent words).


First, I like that we get inside to all he guys emotions here. I thing we all have a broad range of them in us and I can relate to many fo the things you are writing here.

Second, I think they are all doing great. It was a big step for Mike to call Anna and send the message and talk to his brother. A conversation I would have loved to read as well, but I also see your choice to not "drag" this part.

Third, it is so nice to read that they all take care of each other now and not only of Mike. He still seems to need it most, but they area so getting better in not bottling things up but open up to each other.

And last - I'm really happy that Brad felt it as well. I was concerned that he will freak on Mike but now he maybe can relate to what he was talking about earlier!

From: Samweis

Date: 2018-06-21

Chapter: 7

Heavy... Had a few moments where I needed to stop reading and take a deep breath.

But I was glad to read that Mike actually managed to talk about his nightmares. Nothing is worse then keeping everything inside and the feeling of being alone with all of it. Because he isn't! Brad is such a good friend! I want him to be okay as well, I hope he gets some time for himself soon. And Joe was great in this chapter as well. I was a bit mad at him when he started to bullshit around about Rob, but now he seems to understand that this whole situation is not easy and that he needs to work with the others, not against them.

And that Mike actually played the song for Brad... I was surprised but also really touched. That was such an intense moment...

From: hattu

Date: 2018-06-19

Chapter: 7

Puh! Nearly died as Mike told them his nightmares, just wanted to hug him! But I am glad he finally talked!

And Brad, oh god, can somebody please hug him?? Broke my heart as he broke down in the kitchen.


I loved the ending with Mike sharing his song, kinda felt like there is finally light at the end of the tunnel.


Awesome chapter! Can’t wait to read more!!!


Thanks

Hattu

From: hattu

Date: 2018-06-18

Chapter: 6

It is so hard to them like this.

Alle concentrating on Mike, to make sure they don’t lose him too. Just hope they won’t lose themselves in the midway. It is hard to grief for a friend, but at the same time seeing another friend break down like that...just awefull.


I hope they manage to get mike back and also have time to deal with their own sorrows.


The end was creepy! Can’t wait to see where this is going!!


Greetz

Hattu

From: hattu

Date: 2018-06-18

Chapter: 6

It is so hard to them like this.

Alle concentrating on Mike, to make sure they don’t lose him too. Just hope they won’t lose themselves in the midway. It is hard to grief for a friend, but at the same time seeing another friend break down like that...just awefull.


I hope they manage to get mike back and also have time to deal with their own sorrows.


The end was creepy! Can’t wait to see where this is going!!


Greetz

Hattu

From: Samweis

Date: 2018-06-07

Chapter: 5

Heartbreaking... Because worse then seeing someone crying and suffering is seeing someone not being able to do that. When you feel like you don't even know what is going on, you also feel even more helpless. Argh... That's such a hard thing to go through and I really would like to just hug all of them!

And the fucking Paparazzi - how do they dare?! It is even harder because we know that it actually happened. Mike was with Anna, but it happened that they got pestered and I really think that the world of the media needs to spend some time on thinking about what's ok and what not. We have seen them overstepping boundaries so many times in the last month...

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