HOLY SHIT!! A KINIFE!!! NO WAY! PLEASE UPDATE!

omg!! how could you do that?! i wanna know what happenes!! update it quick!!

I'm going to ignore my inclination that this story breaks Rule #3 on this site, because 1: I still have absolutely no clarity on the rule itself, and 2: The premise seems interesting enough for me not to care if it violates a rule. You may want to ask someone else's opinion on that, but my fear is that you'll only get 13 different answers anyway.

I'll go ahead and start with the premise. Children of famous people are so interesting to watch, because no matter how much they try, their kid will be raised in a vastly different environment, or at least experience vastly different interactions with his/her peers. This can go either way on the good/bad spectrum - one only look to recent American presidents to see this. You've got Chelsea Clinton, who grew up into a seemingly mature, respected, and academically successful woman, and then you've got the Bush sisters who get caught in bars as soon as their daddy's sworn into office.

Ok, stupid example. What about the Osbourne kids? I think most of us are in agreement that they became so fucked up because of poor parenting and a hyperactive, Hollywood atmosphere, where money grows on trees and the drinking age is non-existant. It's hard to live a 'normal' life when daddy's a rockstar, and I'm curious to see how Chester's career affects Draven's upbringing.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I want more of that in future chapters. What kind of dad WAS Chester? Did Draven have a healthy, caring parental unit up until the divorce, or was he surrounded by bad influences and warped social norms from the beginning, because of Chester's job? In short, what differences, if any, are there between Draven's life before and after his parents' divorce?

Building off of that, Samantha's looking to be an interesting character here, too. You imply that she never hit Draven before Chester left, and I'm curious as to what could make her become violent so suddenly. Did Chester do something so horrible to her that she can't even stand the sight of the child she created with him? Or is this simply how she expresses her anger? I'm thinking we'll see either some mental issues developing in her character (bad anger management), or abuse of other things (alcohol, drugs, etc.).

This may sound weird, but while reading this, I pictured it ordered differently. In other words, if you *start* with the prostitution scene ("I saw someone leaning against a wall..."), and follow it with the flashback of Chester leaving, ("I had been a happy, innocent toddler..."), it may work more effectively. The prostitution scene would be a really good hook, so starting with that would pull the reader in and keep them reading to find out more. In other words, if I find out in the first scene that Draven's a prostitute, I would have so many questions (Why? How long? Where are his parents?) that I would keep reading out of an interest to find the answers. Also, starting with a scene like that really emphasizes showing, rather than telling, the story. If you start out by explaining a sequence of events (I went to school. I failed a test. Someone stole my lunch. etc.), it sounds slightly less intriguing, almost like a book report.

One more thing. The last line, "This was my life...used and abused" is very declarative, and I almost wonder if it's necessary to include if you've done a good job 'showing' Draven's situation. In other words, if you paint the picture of his suffering well enough, we as readers will feel sorry for him without the last line indicating we should do so. If that makes sense. I guess personally, I try to stay away from those sweeping generalizations because since they're usually the most obvious things about a character, there's no need to say them.

Anyway, the premise alone gives this potential, and you have good attention to relevant details. You're on a good track, just keep developing and revealing more as you go along. Keep it up.

update update please this topic is so awesome !!! More Draven more... hahaha

O...my...daze! LOLupdate man!! shat that was like gooood. ..but sad for draven BUT STILL GOOD =) me likey muchy.kewlnessss.LOL heheh evel sam..evel.neways *gives u dravy shaped cookie with x-tra blue MnMs on it*

peace out

GONE.

draven's a prostitute?!omg please update soon.i have so many questions.is chester gonna come back?is any other lp member in this fic?help me out man...update!(oooh draven action figure!gimme!gimme!)

Draven's selling his body? Wow...what an awesome story idea...Sounds like there's more drama on it's way...At least I hope so..Update soon, please? ;)

omg...this is fuckin incredible!!!

u gotta update sooooooooooooooooooooon!!!

this has such great potential in later chapters...this chapter was great, i just ment like for ware the story is headed n all :)

update asap

~Bitty~

i hope so too chels...but of course, he couldnt beat Mike...Mike will still be the hottest!!lolzz.. anyway.. keep the chapters comin in quick! wanna noe wat happens!great story!

from,

haylie shinoda

hehehe.. dirty lil thoughts.. love it, write more! i hope draven will grow up to be as hot as his daddy.

from,

Chelsea Bennington

oooOOOOooo kool, a story aobut Draven

very interesting, soo sad that Sam is so abusive towards him....

hope u continue

jeex i hope chaz finds drav.